I told two of my four sisters back in Oct about
my positive Lyme test. I explained how devastating this is, and how the pain and suffering is usually over the top, that if I don't get the right care I could end up with a heart attack, and even death, and that I need their help and support. Just calling me or texting once in a while would help immensely. They agreed and committed to doing that.
I haven't heard from either of them. Although they always get together with another sister we have.
Their behavior contradicts what they tell me, "We love you. We are always here for you. All you need to do is let us know."
That isn't true. They are not here for me. I have been there for all my family through the years. It has not/is not reciprocated.
Today, one of the sisters posted a comment on my FB page, stating how wonderful I am finally on my journey. And, that she’s waiting to hear more good news. I wrote her a message stating I haven't heard anything from her since our conversation, and we have such a great "relationship", and thanks, but no thanks, when it's all said and done. If she can’t hear my suffering, she has no part in my rejoicing. That is private.
I'm grieving my losses. There are steps I must go through in regards to each loss I experience. I understand this, and I'm very, very familiar with loss. I've lost my first husband in a horrible accident when I was 25 with two babies both under 18 months. I tended my dying father alone the entire junior/senior years of high school. Life has been tough. But I know I need to honor MYSELF and allow myself the room and space to grieve.
I've also been learning, and executing, my right and need to verbalize how I feel to those who are hurting me. I'm doing this with letters, emails, text, whatever is appropriate. I'm not writing in anger, but with facts. And, I'm expressing my hurt and pain in response to their ignorance. It makes ME feel better, and I'm learning that I'm not a doormat any longer. If I don't stand up for MYSELF, no one else will. I don’t expect anything from them, and this way I won’t be hurt further.
It's a new me, and a better me. When I'm well, and even NOW, I will NEVER allow others to stop my joy of BEING. This is MY life and I get to live it with peace. If they are not for me, then they aren't in my life.
And, I'm learning to do this in love.
Take cheer and know that you have the right to be treated well and with respect.
Post Edited (In_A_Cocoon_Now) : 2/5/2014 4:19:14 PM (GMT-7)