Dating a social life?

It would be tough to find someone, but you might also find someone extra special. That's what happened to my daughter. They weren't looking for their soul mate, but they came across each other on a website they both frequented. He knows about Lyme disease and knows how it's impacting her, but it doesn't bother him. They just started chatting and it grew from there. So you never know when or where you'll meet up with someone who sees beyond your illness. Hang in there.

And being ill doesn't mean that you won't find someone who just has enough compassion even though they themselves have never been seriously ill. When my husband and I met, I had been ill long enough that my life was seriously impacted, and then during our 5 year friendship only, he watched me become more and more ill - but that didn't deter him, it actually encouraged him! He watched how I handled being ill and my family, and decided that if I would have him, he definitely wanted me to be by his side!! Right after we married, I really took a turn for the worst, but he stood by me- and now - he's the one disabled and I'm the one taking care of his needs! The tables have turned, although he still takes care of me in ways too.

So never give up hope!! You really never know who may be watching!

Let's start a Lyme colony...

Yes, I'm single and 53 (ouch)! My ex boyfriend would have stayed with me, but with his anger issues, etc., it would only have exacerbated my illness.

Plus, I live in a rural area (double ouch)! I do know a guy who has a crush on me, but unfortunately, I don't have a crush on him.

I have thought of going out with him, just to be with someone, but then I realized that that wouldn't be fair to him or to me.

Margaret

Personally,

I would love to date myself for awhile. I had my first love at 17 - we broke up at 19 and I met my husband at 19. I'm almost 29 now.

I wouldn't worry about being single, it is nice to have someone's company for sure but you know what??? My lyme gave me an extra special radar since I've recovered - I can tell how awesome someone is by their smile and the glitter in their eye and how understanding and empathetic they are. Big signs to big winners. It is like I used to be a relatively good judge of character only now I'm AMAZING at it. Fakers need not try - I can separate them in heartbeat.

Maybe you guys will get super HOT radar when you recover.....just wait!

I have a lot of friends that at the time, when I was ill - I didn't see. Eventually I sent out an email to 10-12 of my closer buds saying "Hey, I'm OK but I have lyme disease now and I'm seeing a lot of doctors and just trying to get well - so it is hard to hang but we will get together when I feel better!"

I sent out some emails in that time rarely focusing on my illness maybe just a few sentences then asking what my friends were up to. It was nice to hear what they were doing. I haven't seen some of my friends in two years and have met up with a few recently. Generally, they are just so curious about lyme and like "what the hell happened" So I explain it in about 15 minutes (which I could easily go on for hours but ya know) and then we just go back to being friends that can hang out.

Truthfully - it was way easier for me to be alone with my illness then around other people for the most part - if your friends are worth it they will understand EVEN if they don't understand lyme disease.

~beth

:D

Thanks for the encouragement flowergal. I really appreciate that!

Im in Bethesda, MD and this place is notorious for unfriendly people. Finding a girlfriend or just a sympathetic friend in this place is impossible. So a dating site for Lymies would be great. My friend told me there are sites for people with other diseases so why not us?

Margaret - You should give that guy at least a few chances to impress you. You may not have a crush on him now, but crushes *can* grow, especially if the guy is a gentleman. Sometimes I wish you ladies would give us extra chances or even a single chance!

Lymebabe - Im in the same situation unfortunately. Lyme (and the Bart anger) ruined my marriage recently. My now exwife did a pretty good job of chasing away any friends I had that were girls, so Im starting over from scratch again.

The only saving grace is that Im stronger now, energetic, exercising and in good shape. Lyme has forced me to eat better and take better care of myself. Thanks to my LLMD and these forums, Im really overall healthier (and much more positive) than I ever have been in my life. Hopefully somebody with opugirl's "HOT radar" sees this!

Post Edited (vcast) : 2/18/2014 9:23:36 PM (GMT-7)

I've known this suggestion to work for others, including myself.

I believe that what we do today will grow into whatever we 'planted' in our tomorrows.

I suggest writing a list (doesn't have to be written in one sitting.) of all the qualities you are seeking in a mate. After you are satisfied with the list, date it and put it away in a place you won't forget. Then, leave it alone.

What that does is begin the process of drawing to you what you are asking for. It also can allow you to become the person you can be to compliment the other on your list. During this time of waiting, it is important to remind yourself, and maybe others, that you are being prepared to meet that other person, just as THEY are also being prepared to meet YOU! When things are lined up, then you will meet.

I did this after another person I knew who had just gotten married, and had done this too, suggested this to me. I met the love of my life 1.5 yrs after I had written my list. He has 64 of the 65 points on my list! He'll never reach 65 since his eye color won't be changing. : )

Write what is important to you. And remember, not just the physical. Although that is important, too.

It's proven that writing down things set things into motion. Why not this important part of our lives?

Hang in there, and remember, today creates our tomorrows. And reminding myself that I was going to meet that person when both they and myself were ready really helped me to keep up my hope.

I forgot to say that I met my guy on an internet site. Yep, sometimes they can work. The key for us was to email for two months, then we talked on the phone for a couple of weeks, and as there were no 'red flags' that I could tell, I was ready to meet in person. Being a woman, I wanted to take it slow and make certain as best as I could to get to the core of this person's beliefs and establish a healthy starting point. This worked well for us. Plus, we have all of those emails and what a joy to sometimes go back and read where our relationship started.

Taking time to talk and basically 'court,' something that seems to be a forgotten part of establishing a foundation before jumping into the heavier stuff, worked well for us. It was exciting, getting those emails! For both of us! We talked about everything under the sun, except, neither one of us brought up the subject of sex. That was something ALL the other guys (I've heard women also go there a lot in the online dating sites) would seem to touch on almost immediately, and that, for me, was a huge turn off, and therefore didn't go anywhere.

Not sure if this is helpful, but it worked for me. Until we actually started emailing one another, it was lonely, and challenging. I get that, and it's frustrating trying to figure out how to meet someone, and then with the LD challenge, it can seem impossible. I hope you find encouragement and support and direction.