LLMD appt was sept 8 2014 they called and said come tomorrow!

So I was waiting for my first LLND appt which was scheduled for September 8,2024. They called and said I could come in at 2:00 tomorrow, I'm scared out of my mind. I have felt so ill but I'm so scared to go I don't know why.... Aggressive treatment scares me, I'm just scared. Anyone else feel this way about getting truly started on recovery. Also I am still breast feeding and though September would give me more time to wean my two babies I'm nursing. I feel so messed up, I know I should be grateful but I'm terrified and then numb.

Any advice is welcome whether about a first appt or ANYTHING! Thank you all who take the time to respond.

Thank you! It may sound stupid but I am so upset about having to stop nursing them bc I know I'm never having any more babies. It's a tough chapter to close. I know I need to put a positive spin on it and realize it's so I can feel better.

Thank you wryter, actually my youngest I'm nursing is almost 17 mths lol! I did extended breastfeeding and allow my babies to self wean, so this will be the first time "cutting off" a little one from the breast. It's still hard even though he's a bigger baby. I am grateful I was able to nurse him this long though, as you know it's just a very emotional thing and with everything else it's just hard. I can't imagine having to wean if I had a new born or infant. I nursed all my kids and am kind of a huge breastfeeding advocate! Lol though I will say since I was dx with lyme I've felt like my milk is poison at times.

My appt is out of state so it just feels surreal that I'm going tomorrow,

It doesn't sound stupid at all. I cried and cried and put off herbs and meds for a long time, trying to manage thru diet because I just couldn't bear the though of making her wean. I want more babies so much but believe this was my last, most likely. I nursed my first till 2.5 when she self weaned and my second till 16 months. It will take a bit to get all your tests and such, so you'll have atleast a couple weeks to say goodbye to that chapter. I spent those last weeks really just enjoying the time, writing about the transition and took some special pictures of her nursing. It still was sad but truth be told, I needed all that good stuff I was giving baby. And, honestly.. My baby seemed ill during that time, I really worried she had congenital Lyme. She did start to actually improve.. Her food intolerances started resolving...they stopped getting sick so much cause I wasn't sick as much...so, there was a silver lining and that really helped make it not be so sad for me.

I'm sorry that you have to worry about this and that it's not what you'd prefer.. But I'm hoping that if you do end up making the sacrifice, it will start showing fruits in wellness like it did for me.

Yes I am feeling the same ambivalence, afraid of treatment when I have lost trust in doctors knowledge and abilities. I think the fear is normal given all one has been through trying to find answers. Feel the fear and go to the appointment, you are still the one that makes the final decision as to whether you accept their treatment plan.

I am so glad you got your appointment tomorrow! Good luck and be well!

Maine, for some reason, I thought you had said you were worried that all your children had Lyme. So glad your youngest 2 are well! Mine are now almost 3 and 6.

Praying for a good appt for you tomorrow.

good news about being seen tomorrow!
I can understand your feelings, b/c when something is in our mind as happening one way, I think it can take a moment or two to accept/like it another way (even when it's a good thing).
I had to cut short breastfeeding too when my son was a baby, (but for a different reason, and very early on, b/c I wasn't making enough milk, like, at all...we're talking drops only, but that's a different story)
anyway, it's a different scenario I know, but I bring it up, b/c I remember there was a real grief at having to stop, so I can relate.
But, don't worry, as I know you know, this will be better for your children too, by helping you feel better sooner!
congratulations and I pray it all goes well tomorrow!!!

How did your appt go today, Maine?

I am in the car in my way back to Maine, I will update in a bit. I'm getting a picc line in about 6 wks, gotta wean my babies. The doc is great!

Thank you! The appointment was expensive, 798.00!!!!!! That's with no labs but I left with the good yeast, AL complex drops?, and some other thing.

Maine76

I hope you get better soon... Good luck!!!

Thank you guys! He's convinced I have lyme and babs and Bart too. He is testing for RMSF, anaplasmosis, clamydia, babs microti, and bartonella and a bunch of other things.... Long list

I am to start the Byron white AL complex drops and am scared, he said expect to feel sick, I already do!!!!!!! So worse.... God help me

He is actually a presenter at a big lyme conference up here this weekend.

He looked at me and said " you know something, you are really really sick." I said " I realize that" finally some flipping validation...
I vowed I would not get too emotional in my appt and I only shed a few tears, I was proud of myself. I also stayed on track which is very hard for me, I often go down rabbit trails.

The conference is for providers only on Friday night and he said to call the woman in charge and tell her he said to let my husband and I in because we are nurses and I'm his patient. I feel really blessed to have gotten in with him and if TRAVELER hadn't given me a name of a really good ILADS affiliated social worker I wouldn't be where I am. God puts people in our lives when we need them! I love you Trav.