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Sometimes I hate my body

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Posted 3/29/2014 1:45 PM (GMT 0)
I passed a mirror a few minutes ago while I was changing into my pyjamas and caught a glimpse of myself - bruised legs, dark circles under my eyes, skin rashes, welts, hives, jaundice, poor posture due to slight scoliosis. I thought about the intense pain I've been in today and how exhausted my body is.

And I found myself thinking, "I hate my body. I wish I didn't have a body. I just wish I was a spirit without a body." And then I immediately felt bad for feeling that way. It's not the first time I've felt that way either; sometimes I can't be bothered eating enough because in some ways I've given up on my body. But other times I just try hard to get better because often i do like my body and want it to be well.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? How can I like my body even though I'm sick?
Posted 3/29/2014 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
I feel this way often Jasmine. Some days I am positive and feel like I will get better. Other days I just want to give up. I try to avoid mirrors on days I feel really terrible.

One thing I have been doing is spending more time with my family. I also find distracting myself helps.

I guess the only thing we can do is just hang in there the best we can and believe that we will get better some day.
Posted 3/29/2014 4:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jasmine,

I feel the same. I've lost so much of my muscle tone, I hate to see myself like this. I was blessed with a muscled body. Weighing a bit too much, but the muscles compensated a lot. So far for that...

I hate it the most when I'm out shopping and trying to buy clothes. The light that comes from above accentuates every bit of your body.

I think that we find ourselves with such a low self image (how we look like on the outside and how we sometimes think about ourselves) cause our physical state is so low.

Husband says I still look as attractive as always. It helps, but I don't believe it so much... having someone aside you for comfort helps, although you don't really believe that person.

I hope this passes soon Jasmine. I tend to just walk away from mirrors when I feel like that...
Posted 3/29/2014 4:30 PM (GMT 0)
Oh jasmine I understand.. I had low weight 97lbs. I am up now 107. My weight originally 132 lbs.. I dare not look in a mirror. Such weakness, aces and tiredness. Some days I say to hubby I don't want to wake up.. But I am a fighter and will beat this disease. I am waiting for Cowden protocol to arrive. Hopefully it will help. I was misdiagnosed poly myosotis on steroids for a year. Trying to wean off. Paid out of pocket for Igenix tests. Positive for Lyme. Lots of new learning ahead of me again. Thankful for this group. It will get better jasmine. Hold on to that thought.....
Posted 3/29/2014 11:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hi NinaMyers, the problem at the moment is that I am not going to see the clinical psychologist who WAS helping me so much. The people I live with want me to gradually wean off of becoming dependent on allied healthcare as a condition of me continuing to be able to live here, so I haven't been since November. They're even saying that I can't start Pilates like I was planning to do :( that I should just go for walks instead - yeah, I already do that! I'm going to talk with them and see if I can explain just how important it is to me right now to see the psychologist and improve my posture, core strength and connection with my body.

I hope we can all improve in this area :)
Posted 3/30/2014 12:30 AM (GMT 0)
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are hardly in your normal healthy condition. I will effect your looks but also your perception of yourself. Try to heal first and many areas will improve. :)
Posted 3/30/2014 1:20 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks BarnGurl :)
Posted 3/30/2014 1:24 AM (GMT 0)
BTW JasmineG, I have also experienced the anxiety and depression. As soon as I starting undergoing treatment I immediately started to feel relief. I def feel like I still have work to do but can also see improvement. Hope this helps.
Posted 3/30/2014 1:29 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks :) I'm really hoping that a lot of my psychological and mental problems clear up with antibiotic treatment.
Posted 3/30/2014 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jasmine, you're not the only one that feels that way.

I watched myself look worse and worse with this Lyme disease.

My skin broke down and I see wrinkles on my finger tips.

Moles are popping up because of my minocycline medication and my skin lost its color.

I think anti depressants have helped and I just don't look in the mirror as much. That and keep eating healthy foods! Your appearance will improve as you get better. Mine has.
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