Lyme Pickle

I'm always bugging you, sorry.

So my son told me last week is a "9" on a "10" scale, 10 being the best. Last month he was at 5 or 6 and when I asked him then about the year before, he said 5 or 6. Not sure he meant he's been this way awhile, or he could not ever remember being well.

My question to you - you were at 90% for a long time. Were you able to work and think and function ok at 90%? I know you couldn't do so well over the summer. He wants to go back to school, but is still locked on the computer and not even studying for home instruction - which is like nothing. Maybe he thinks he's so smart he can do it all in the 5-15 mins. before the teacher gets here, but I told him he really has to spend time studying for quarterly exams. Not sure he will. SO, not sure he can do the heavy load expected in 10th Honors classes.

Not sure if it's the lyme (he is detoxing very heavily right now and has not had Tinidazole yet), or if it's serious computer addiction and I should take the computer away. That may cause a problem.... even as an "average teen" and not raging anymore.

thanks, ei

hi - hope you don't mind me putting my two cents in - how old is your son again? i have three kids, although i believe they are younger than your son. but believe me i know the computer addiction thing. i am very strict with my kids about that. If he is a 9 out of 10 with his lyme symptoms then that sounds like he is feeling way better!! not many kids would want to go back to school if they got to stay home all of that time and do what they want. i know my oldest would be like that, but not my younger two - they would miss the socialization. my older one is not very social - so that may be a clue here with your son. if he is very unsocial and likes to be by himself - that explains it. is there anything he liked to do physically before he got lyme? maybe you can slowly introduce him to that again if his dr feels he is up to it. i wouldn't go cold turkey on the computer because then he will rebel or regress and be upset, which can stir symptoms back up. does he do any chores? start having him help you around the house a little, or take him out for brisk walks everyday. i would force him to take breaks from the computer to read and study, but then when he is done, he can go back on the computer (as a reward). then i would slowly increase the other activities and decrease the computer time. if you seen he is capable of doing chores and taking walks, then maybe he will be ready to go back to school. That's what i would do anyway! hope my advice helps a bit!!

FYI all my kids had lyme, but we caught it early - they all treated for 3 months of abx and 6 months of AL complex afterwards. fingers crossed they beat it, and as lymepickle said, kids are much more resilient than adults!

Lovemychildren Mom - Your post is heartbreaking. It's hard enough for us parents to know what is the right balance - when our children are healthy and not having Lyme rage...etc.

I only have one - he's 21, and I was super strict with him...limited his gaming, etc. The one computer we had was in our family room, connected to our kitchen. We shared one t.v., also in the family room. Then when he was in Grade 11, we cut him some slack, and allowed him a laptop, which he used in his bedroom.
Finally in Grade 12, we allowed a t.v. in his room...but still limited his use.

I stuck to my guns when some parents allowed their children to drink alcohol in the last year of high school...and was lucky that he found a group of friends that didn't go to the parties....so no drinking, no drugs. I had mothers tell me that they'd rather their kids drank at home, so allowing them to drink was the safest way.

He is still a non-drinker, no drugs...and doing very well. But, I don't think I can take credit. I think there's a lot of luck...and other stuff that plays into it. My son never fit in with the 'cool' kids...if he had...maybe he would have gone in the other direction. I just feel very lucky I didn't have to deal with the worry of drinking and drugs that goes on in the teen years.

There is only so much you can do. Do your best to enforce the rules...but if he continues to fight you - what can you do? Just know that you are an awesome mom...and you have raised two wonderful children before Andrew...and trust that he will sort it out...it may just take more time.

Hopefully your husband will realize how truly a wonderful mother you are and the sacrifices you have made to help your son heal. That is priceless!

Chapelle - It's definitely a struggle - the teen years. I often wondered if my strict set of rules would push him away...I was very lucky...we are still so close today.

I would always say to my friends...it's okay to be strict, tough with your kids...just slather them with lots of love...that's what's really important. Just love them and support them...

I agree with both of you - wish they were still little, I miss them. I have no one but those I created, so as they go off, I feel more and more lonely - orphaned at 41, and now at 50 my children leaving :(

I was strict also. Big difference between my first two and these two. We shared computers and limited tv, but now, the homework is on the computer - so they can easily flip to a game and get distracted, playstation, we would not give it to him until the work was done, not so easy now. ... and the PHONE - my daughter is glued. We held out a long time, but at 13 she is "dying" and it out of the loop and what is going on, without text. Sad thing is, she is right. I watched her being excluded and sad and miss activities, so we caved. NO ONE has them at the table though and I have ripped into them about manners with others in their physical presence and how rude it is to be on the phone while being with someone in front of you. I can't stand when adults to that. I walk away.

We had no drinking also. My daughter is a loner, so no issues there, she' brainy and into research and travel, etc. My son waited until 21 and so did some of his friends (they were drinking at home type), but I would not allow it here. So, he drinks now but does not drive. He's a good guy, high grades, president of Student Activities on campus a couple of years now, Eagle scout, etc., so I figure let him party and get it out of his system. Aging and responsibility will come soon enough. He has an insane job with IBM when he gets out in May - making like what my husband makes after 28 years working as an engineer! Can't believe they made that kind of offer right out of college. But he has to move to NY and my heart is broken. We were always very close. Past year or two he's pulling away and knows it all... praying he'll come back to the shore area to live and will learn we are kinda smart after all - it will come.

Anyway, they are all so so so so different and this experience has damaged our family so badly, I pray time will repair it. Who knows what will happen when Andrew attempts to go back in 2 weeks - I'm back to finding myself not breathing often, wish he would stay home on instruction. Esp. if he gets Tinidazole - that could throw him all over again!

Girlie, you did a GREAT job and we are so blessed when our children do alright - I too often see even the best of them falling apart. Brilliant, decent kids, just melting down, walking away, not studying or caring anymore, turning to drugs or making that one fatal mistake. It could be any of us and now I know that and I don't judge anymore (like when I was in my 30's and thought I had it all under control - HA!)

Chapelle, enjoy them - you are also doing great and the time flies by - the days are forever, but the years are a second! If you love them and set good examples (as best you can - I'm not the queen of the model person for sure), it's sort of ingrained into them and they can't help but turn out ok. Some is genetics, but the rest is environment I think.

Have a healthy day, ei