Time for romance?

hey there - it is never, ever too late, especially if you both indeed love eachother. I went thru an emotional hell when I first got sick, and my husband wasn't emotionally there for me either - not initially. It was then that I realized how far we had grown apart - we have three kids, and it just seems to be the norm - Life keeps you busy and the once romance and passion tend to fall thru the cracks. An example of how a "love story" goes - the wife gets sick, and the husband realizes how much he needs and cares for her and he in turn showers her with love and flowers and etc etc - nah, it doesn't always work that way!! My husband and I always loved eachother, but we've been thru alot of tough obstacles. At the time i got sick, my husband just started out his own law practice. He literally didn't have time for me - but somehow when I realized this, i turned around and loved him as much as I possibly could, even though I was so sick. While I battled lyme, I beat myself up about all the mistakes I made over the yrs. And as the months went on, he became more and more emotionally supportive. I also prayed - ALOT. And I would say about 1.5 yrs later, my husband just now realized the mistakes he made. It is all coming a full circle. You can't figure this all out in a day. It is one day at a time. I can go on and on, but i am so tired, and my grammar is so bad already, LOL. But my husband and I have literally "fallen in love" again - and it is totally awesome. So many marriages fail because people don't forgive, they forget the love they once had, and they don't have the faith in God to ask Him for help when they need it.

Just by the mere fact that you wrote this, that you feel this way - you have to make your wife realize this, somehow.....you want to let her know, I would suggest that you just tell her what you just wrote - heck, have her read what you just wrote! You say you are not very affectionate - well, you can fix that! Turn your brain off to your business and make time for your wife - surprise her with flowers, take her to dinner, and if you can't get a babysitter, order out and have a late night dinner after the kids goto bed - put some music on and have some alone time. I don't know if she would like these things, but I am sure you would figure out what would get her attention. Go for it! =)

Please don't take anything of what I said the wrong way - just trying to help! =)

The things Chapelle and Girlie suggested - very good stuff.

But, even just simple reminders on a regular basis would probably mean something her. I don't know how affected she is by the disease - well, greatly of course - what I mean is, I don't know how much of her it's taken away, you know?

If she's like me, it's hard to keep a whole lot going through her head, apart from the disease stuff.

I forget how much my girlfriend cares about me to still comes around, after all I've put her through with this stuff, hardly ever reciprocating the same level of affection. Sometimes, I'll be clear enough in the head to have these realizations like, darn, why are you still here? It breaks my heart.

Relationships aren't meant to be that way. There shouldn't be distance, gaps between you, at least not on the long-term.

So, yeah, while it's hard for you, 'cause you just aren't built that way, you care - so, try. I know you're busy, life's hectic, but.. I'm sure you could find a bit of time here and there. I mean, you found the time to come ask us for our opinions on it.

Therapy? Maybe? Maybe not? I don't know if it's very prevalent where you're at, but it'd help if you worked with someone who had a grasp of what Lyme is, what it can do to somebody, otherwise you're just gonna be trying to help them help you, and I don't see that being very effective. It's hard for me to even bother trying to educate somebody on Lyme, living with a chronic illness in general, both because my mind just can't handle all of it and, well, I'm tired of dealing with person after person. I wish I felt differently about it though, 'cause everybody needs to know about this stuff.

Anyway, I'm getting tempted to veer off.

Also, if she gets better, everything will fall into place as it should.

Whatever you were wondering about yourself, no, I doubt it. A lot of people would just cut their losses and leave, or treat their s/o as a burden. I've seen talk of it.

You seem like a good guy.

Hope you can reach her. Hope stuff changes for the better.

Some ideas:

~A bouqet of flowers in a location where she will see them most often.
with a simple note... "I appreciate you".
~Making "date night" a high priority... even once a month to start.
~When she is in bed... sit at the foot of the bed... and gently rub her feet,
or put healthy lotion on them.
~Clean the bathroom thoroughly... wow... that's impressive. :)
~Teach the children to dust... or tidy up the living room "for Mommy".
~Take the kids with you...or take turns taking one... as much as possible.
~Call ahead and ask if she needs anything when your heading home.
~Buy her a healthy sleeping/napping mask for her eyes.
~Buy her a nice Comfy robe.
~Draw her a bath... make dinner with the kids...clean up afterwards.
(light a nice candle for her bath)
~Tell her "I just want our marriage to feel better for both of us"
~Stop at Barnes & Noble... get a good relationship book... read before dozing off at night.
~Make it a habit to kiss her on the cheek... especially when saying goodnight.
~Things like "Have a good day hun or sweetheart" can feel so good.

*Anything on the list that doesn't apply... let it fly.
Its all about being creative... and a bit of unexpected effort. It can motivate the other to think about doing the same in return... when they are feeling well or have enough energy... most of her energy no doubt goes for the kids... that's where it helps to take them (or one) whenever your able.

Will keep positive thoughts for you and your family :)

~

keeptryingharder -So glad this forum has provided some ideas....
Many people in this situation would (and have) just "throw in the towel", and call it a day!

Kudos to you for reaching out...to make a difference. It's not too late!!!


Bellyfull - wonderful ideas.

My husband has always been a sentimental and affectionate man...but it's been tough on us, too. It has changed his life, too, not just mine...so I try to cut him some slack when he's impatient, or irritated.
We've been "stuck" for two years...and can't wait to start living life to it's fullest again.