Rowing Mom

Do you ever sit and wonder...how the heck did I make it through all that and do all that... and survive?

We are not there yet, you know my story. We have made much progress and things are calmer. I just feel so broken, spent and trying to figure out how to put our lives back together as he continues to improve. Our family is shredded, the marriage, everything, like after a tornado or something.

We had so many life disasters for 15 years.... over and over, but this lyme / bart /rage /psychosis in a teen boy.... was just more than anyone could handle and was the final straw.

How are you recovering and finding happiness?

I don't know how any of you have handled this for so long. I just freak thinking I will be like this for any length of time.

Lovemychildren Mom said...
Do you ever sit and wonder...how the heck did I make it through all that and do all that... and survive?

Yes, I do wonder. And I am amazed that I managed to stumble across protocols that not only worked to heal K's infections, but the other psychological/neurological diagnoses that she had as well.

It was hard in the beginning; my husband was not on board with treating lyme, thought LLMD's were quacks and that herbal remedies produced only placebo effects.

I was angry all the time. Angry at the doctors who wouldn't accept that K could be healed, angry at my husband who wouldn't accept alternative treatment, angry at God for doing this to her/me. I was a mess and my own bartonella infection didn't help. There was so much anger for years and years.

We have not returned to the place were we in before; things are different but not bad.

My husband does have more respect for my opinions now, and I have more respect for his point of view. I also have more respect for my own intuition. After all, this was not a case of my discovering anything new. The answers were there all the time. But I had to intuitively make my way to them by rejecting opinions/options that made me feel leery or scared.

I knew in my heart that I could help this little soul that was given to me to look after, and I followed my heart to find her (and my own) healing.

Cd3764 is right (amazing moderator who knows what people are going to say before they say it); take each step as it comes; there is no real alternative. It was as if I was being lead down this path for a reason and I could either fight it or intuitively go with the flow.

As you can tell I have become a bit more spiritual and accepting of circumstance.

I am now a fan of thinkers like Eckhart Tolle:
/www.facebook.com/Eckharttolle

Amy Lansky:
amylansky.com/wordpress/

and Gary Shermann:
www.mechanicsofawakening.com/
www.mechanicsofawakening.com/free-downloads.html

who all teach that "being in the moment" and accepting that moment is the way to peace; that where you put your attention produces your perception of life.

rowingmom said...
We have not returned to the place were we in before; things are different but not bad.

I know I have no desire to return to the place I was before.....and I was very happy before.

Things *are* different and they are good. As crazy as it might sound, I'm happy.

Yes, I am still fighting these infections but the journey to do so has enriched me and my relationships.

Yes, it's been challenging but, overcoming challenges is what brings growth.

The human body and its spirit are not stagnant. They are gifts we are given...once. If we try to make the most out of any life situation, we can find peace in it. A body and spirit that are at peace bring healing.

(Thanks for your kind words about me, rowingmom. I respect you immensely for what you have accomplished for your daughter and yourself. I am grateful for your kindness and willingness to share as you help others. I've always believed in "what goes around, comes around" and I'm thrilled that things have come around for you....and am confident they will continue to do so.)

Post Edited (cd3764) : 9/26/2015 8:17:03 AM (GMT-6)

Yes, I get it... I've been "out there" since I was born I think. I believe I was born into this life, an old soul. I never really did fit in as I'm always "out there" and most people really don't "get it". Putting it simply, they just don't run deep enough for me.

I've done lots of partying, socializing,leading, learning, etc., survived a lot of "awefulness" (and good times) the past 15 years, but THIS ONE... really did me in.

It left me very much alone, which I enjoy by choice, but this was forced as "friends" and family ... left.

I'll get there. It will be a lot easier to get there when he's healed and things are not such a mess. I feel like I can't find my way out of the deep dark well. Someday I'll reflect on it as an intense growing and learning life lesson, but in the thick of it.... that's hard.

You are all fantastic and strong, I thank you for always being there, God bless the internet! 20 years ago things would have been SO much worse (as they were when I lost 2 babies and was so isolated... now there is so much support available!).

Blessings and health to you!

superj50 said...
Good thread!

I have a real bad habit of constantly analyzing my life and looking at it from a unhealthy perspective.

I'm going to have train my brain to intercept intrusive thoughts and turn it into something neutral or positive.

I posted this earlier in the thread, but will post it again:

"Welcome to The Power of Attention, a self-paced exploration in how to use your attention to know yourself more deeply. This 15-session training will take you on a journey that will explore the pathways that attention takes that gives you your perception of reality and guide you through the shifts in attention that lead to the experience of expanded self-awareness."

www.mechanicsofawakening.com/free-downloads.html