Need a helping hand

Hey all,

I woke up today just super depressed, anxious, really fatigued, etc.  I have these symptoms all the time but today was just a lot worse.  I tend to get worse in the rain or bad weather like a lot of us do.  On these days I feel like giving up.  I've been on this road for 2 years, which I know is not a long time compared to some people here.  I want to be healthy, I want to feel strong, to go to the gym and workout, come home, do all the the things I wanna do with a smile on my face and not have to worry about taking this protocol or doing this detox thing or being extremely clean with my diet.  I am battling a lot of inner demons, mostly about not loving myself.  Truth be told, I kind of hate myself these days.  I know that sounds depressing and I'm sorry.  In retrospect I never really loved myself, the way I should.  I don't have a reason not to, I know I have A LOT to be so grateful for, my family, my dog, my friends, my job, my health even though it's not great right now.  I am optimistic that some day I will get better.  It's days like this that make me want to throw in the towel.

I could use a hug or some words of encouragement :).

Dave I've been in the exact same place you are too many times over the past 2 years. Never forget its not you its the bugs that are doing this to you. Hard sometimes to unwind the mental issues the bugs cause on top of the constant array of symptoms we need to deal with on a recurring basis.

I never understood why people consider or actually commit suicide until going through this nightmare. As they say you have to walk in someone's shoes to truly understand what its like and no one can do that unless you've been infected with these ticks.

I know you've been throwing a lot of different things at your illness hoping that a combination will make you better and I've done the same but maybe you need to take a different approach and simplify things. That's what I had to do cause I couldn't figure out what was benefiting/hurting me. I basically cut everything out but my supplements/nutritional stuff and am working closely with my LLMD on a phased approach with my antibiotics. I also recently got diagnosed with mycotoxins which I couldn't believe I have and it could be the major cause of my symptoms and lack of making progress on my sickness.

You SHOULD be making progress after 2 years and if you aren't then a fresh perspective may be needed and maybe a change in who you're working with.

Dog love is the best love. It's all I got in this dogless house (sadly for me, time to go get some cat love)

((((hugs)))) Dave.

My favorite movie for laughs, even if I don't feel like it is the movie Sex Drive(even though I don't know what that is anymore). Make sure it's the uncut movie, it's hilarious.


ETA, you're going through what I'm going through. I'm seriously thinking about asking to do a adrenal saliva test.

Thank you everyone for all your warm, kind words, it definitely did put a smile on my face and warmed my heart. It's so nice to know I can come here for support where people understand what I am going through.

Denikeef- I will start a journal, I used to journal but now I am not. What are your journeling, your symptoms? How you feel everyday?

LB- I am not taking vitamin d3, but my latest lab tests show they are pretty high.

(((HUGS))) back to the rest of the group!

Dave ::::hugs::: i know it doesn't seem like it now, but you WILL get through this!! Ive been at this a year and hit a wall about 5 months ago - but i keep going, because we have to!

I live in NJ as well - are you a member of the NJ Lyme Facebook group ? its a great community and they have monthly meetings. ive felt a lot better mentally now that I have been able to connect with people face to face. email me if you are not on facebook and i can keep you in the loop on when the next meeting is. the lyme community is an amazing support system.

Journaling is very helpful as danikeef mentioned - if you are having a hard time starting - start with something simple - i learned this from another support group I am a member of:

5 minutes, set a timer - just write whatever comes to you!!!

next exercise, 5-7 minutes, write a gratitude list - even on the darkest days, you can find something to be thankful for (like how soft the tissues are that you blow your nose on! anything!)

another exercise: a "dream" or "wish" list - it can be as simple or complex and surreal as you want - it doesnt have to be LOGICAL - but just, if you could wish or dream for anything - write it down!

i know it sounds dumb when you are in your darkest places - but there really is something to positive thinking. I was in a REALLY dark place from October 2015 - February 2016. im still working on me -but i've come a LONG way. Try to turn your negative thoughts into positive ones - it helped me push the negative mindframe out - ive been on the decline for the last few months but my mental state is improving, and ive actually fooled people into thinking im feeling better because im happier these days.

Hang in there Dave - you will get through this!!



I just went onto the FB page and copied an old post I wrote to someone, which might help you:

Here are some things that have helped me in recent months:

Deep breathing is helpful when you start to "spiral out of control" I've also used some aromatherapy to help. Or counting to 10 or 100...

Journaling - get those negative thoughts out on paper!!

Positive thinking really helps too - try to cut out the "negative" self talk - I know it sounds silly, but I really had an epiphany this week, I've been practicing positive thinking for a while now and I'm just now realizing I really did "reprogram" my way of thinking. Next time you have a negative thought, try to find a positive in there!

Sit out in the sunshine even for just 10 minutes!

I'm on Instagram and Pinterest & follow a lot of people who post inspiring & motivational quotes - at night when I doodle I like to draw those quotes in my pictures!

Do your have any hobbies? Sometimes you just need to busy your mind with something to distract the thought pattern. I've found a lot more happiness since I've been able to get outside and work in the garden. Literally grounding!

You will get there! It takes time - the Lyme community is truly a great support system - we are all here for you! You can do this!!!

Each month I pick something to focus on to improve - more exercise, mental health & happiness, creativity, etc. make a small obtainable goal for yourself to accomplish! Even if it's walking to the mailbox and back every day. The next week, do it twice if you can. You will feel happiness just from reaching those little goals!

And Remember it's ok to have bad days too! Just think of every day as a fresh start!

Hi Dave,
I too have gone through very bad times and I still am but try to reframe it for myself somehow. But those times when I can't utter a word, or think clearly, feel like I am in cement, don't want to see anybody, and loose all confidence in myself I just want to crawl up and say, it's been a good ride for now. It's even hard writing this. It often feels like it will never end. But it will.

I too try very realistic small goals. It feels like a sense of accomplishment. I remember making my bed so I wouldn't go back in it was one of them.
I think isolating is the worse thing we can do. If you can find one close friend/s who you can be honest with and ask him/her for help can be a good support. I have asked my friends and family to call me and check in, something I wouldn't ordinary do. Keeping a journal works too. Writing and getting it on the paper helps with getting those held in emotions out of your body. I also turned to You Tube for guided meditations on anxiety and depression and stress relief and listened often. I also reframe by saying everybody goes through something in life and why should I be spared! However I do feel emotional pain can be worse than physical pain.
Hope tomorrow brings some spaciousness, love and support for you. Sending a great big hug to you!!