depersonalization = herx?

I don't believe antidepressants will help this at all,since it's more of a detoxing issue than anything.

Are you using binders? Have you tried using Jernigan's Neuro anti-tox CNS/PNS?

Gabbybee......Maybe is worth to take time off classes for the time being you care of lyme??
Having more neurological lyme symptoms.....for me I was a zombie just starring at the TV. It is better now but my attention span has greatly decreased. I have trouble doing task work and cannot focus longer than 10 min at time. What it used to be I can do in 1hr is now taking 10 hrs.
I don't even care anymore because it seems that what it used to be important is less important.

Antidepressant.....if concentration is an issue....I would say that the brain is already dealing with so much and perhaps do not mix more....more is not better.

I had to get in front of the class this past Wednesday with a few of my classmates to give a presentation on something.

It's a class that takes place on another one of the college's campuses in a town that's like half an hour away, so we've got a few cameras and TV's set up in the room. We can see the student(s) at the other campus, and they can see us, which leads me to my point.

So, I get up in front of the class, and I am immediately disoriented by how it feels to be seeing myself on so many screens. I'm used to seeing myself on the screens while sitting, but it's a whole different experience standing up where the teacher usually is. My mind can't really think out of my body like that, if you know what I mean. My mind's eye is very blurry.

I feel that ties into depersonalization. Seeing so many versions of myself made me feel strange. I could not grasp it properly, and it was terrible.

I was able to not take my mind off of it and say what I had to as best as I could, thankfully, but it was uncomfortable.

I'm sure I seem weird to other people, but oh well. I just do my best, hoping things work out.

Of course, I worry that I'm not giving enough time to health, which could turn out to backfire on me. Actually, I was just thinking that I need to be giving more time to doing some research, trying to add/alter more things about my treatment plan. I don't feel that I am doing enough.

But, I don't know. While I would like to be able to focus on getting better, nothing else, apart from the basic necessities, at the same time, I don't want to just live for that.

My heart is so very ready to grow, and in more ways than just physical or even mental health. I want to learn things. I want to build relationships, old and new. I want to experience new things. I want material possessions - I would like my own place, a slightly nicer car, and to eventually relocate out of the state entirely. Basically, I want to live. Normal people things.

Plus, there's also the fact that I CAN'T, if I want to have a secure future, if I want to continue doing those things, and chasing those dreams. There is no telling how long I'll be able to take advantage of my current living situation. If I were on my own right now, I don't know how I would make it.

Now, I just want to say that I'm not implying that people who aren't so "busy," people that have more time to put into their health, aren't doing those sorts of things. That's not true. It's just that I personally wasn't, not really. I would kind of just sit around, try this medicine, try that, detox, eat, sleep, mess around on the internet, or whatever. I spent a few years doing that. I've spent 8 living with Lyme in general, kind of just doing nothing.

Yeah, I've learned a lot, grown, and all that. As painful as it's been, it's not a total loss. But, you know, in some ways, I missed out on a lot, and I want to make up for that. Today, not tomorrow, not next year, not when I get better.. if. Now.

I'm tired of waiting on the world to care enough to come and fix me before I can do anything. I'm tired of waiting on me to fix me before I can do anything. I'm 24, I'm going to be 30 a week from now, I'll be dead next month. Time goes too fast for me to just not try to get something done.

Again, I might regret it later on, because I don't really know what is going on with my health at the moment, but oh well. We'll see. Really, that is part of the process. Trial and error, mistakes, etc. I'm one to put myself through a lot more hell than I should. I don't learn from the missteps of others, or even myself, as well as I should. I'll repeat the same wrongdoing over and over, digging myself a nice, big hole, before I finally get the picture. But, in the end, I'm still here, and.. hopefully.. I'll be able to say that a few years down the line, a few hundred mistakes later, with a handful of lessons learned in pocket.

Health is everything. Without it, what are the sorts of experiences or possessions that I mentioned before? Not much. What's family when you don't feel like you're a part of it? What's a nice car when you don't feel well enough to get out of bed and drive it? I know that.

But, part of me is happy with the exchange I have made over the past six months.

I don't really know what you could do to better things, apart from detoxing, getting proper treatment, etc. Do those things, hope they work, and just have the "do your best" mentality to cope with the rest of it. Might not seem normal or whatever, but at least you're there, trying to be. Also, try not to give yourself that label of being different, strange, even if it's true, because that doesn't help. I do it myself, and I know I am a hypocrite for saying otherwise, but it really does nothing positive for you.

I'm not normal, I can't do things like the rest of the kids, but I'm gonna try and act like it anyway.

As for what they think, might be unavoidable to not be conscious of it, but I wouldn't let it deter you, not that you are (just saying, if their opinions are impacting you negatively). I want people's approval, but I'm gonna keep moving, even without it.

All that verbal diarrhea aside, hope something helped, if you bothered to read, and.. just want to say that, if you feel you need it, take some time off, focus on health... but.. just try and keep in mind that things are rarely ideal, when it comes to dealing with these illnesses.

What I mean is, if I'd waited until I felt "good enough" or whatever to start working on my life outside of Lyme, I'd still be waiting, and there would be no certain end to that in sight.

Basically, take what you can get, then run with it, picking up more along the way.

I haven't given up on getting better, because then I would get sicker again, and wouldn't be able to pursue my ambitions, but I'm not putting those ambitions aside to give myself entirely to healing, even if.. from some angles, I probably should.

AGAIN.. apologies if this post is unsightly, takes up space, etc. If you weren't aware, I tend to use these opportunities to talk to myself as much as, if not more than, others. Plus, I'm in a poor state of mind right now - my brain is how I imagine a worm would feel, baking in the sun. Okay, that's a little too scary, but.. yeah.

Anyway.. back to the outside world. I'm sure you'll see me again.

What are you taking now? Just Banderol?

Pinella might be helpful --

www.tiredoflyme.com/lyme-disease-brain-fog-what-it-is-what-causes-it-and-how-to-help-reduce-it.html

You might benefit from some counseling, as odd as that sounds... did you have depersonalization before the lyme disease or did it start up after. Depersonalization can be associated with other things.