Why do people forget your sick?

Greetings, this is a pity party that I'm having but I recently had a birthday. I had many birthday wishes which on facebook is not unusual but only one person asked me how I was feeling.

I have been housebound for two years and people can't remember that I'm sick? I post information about Lyme Disease all the time on my fb. Tell people to be careful and how to prevent it so they don't get sick like I did. I know many people don't have the time I do to spend online, so I can understand if they don't see them, but I would think some would see them.

One person even said she was looking forward to skiing with me. Skiing?? I can barely leave the house. I have known her my entire life. I thought she was a good friend. She drives by my road almost every day for work and I haven't heard from her in months. The last time I saw her (9 months ago) we talked about how awful it is to be really sick for so long and that I probably wouldn't be well for at least another year or two, if I was lucky. Another friend lives ten minutes from me and I haven't even heard from her since July.

My husband says to call them. But what would I say? I could ask what they have been up to but that's about it. I have nothing to say to them about my life. They don't want to hear about the latest treatment I'm going through.

I know this is a problem many people have with lyme disease or other unknown illnesses. I don't understand why some illnesses are recognized and catered to by people and others are just forgotten about.

What do people do once they do get well? Do they contact these people who have been out of their life for months or years? Or do you start over? I have many blessings in my life. I have a wonderful husband and three grown kids who call and visit as often as they can. So in that way, I am very fortunate. I'm not sure why I am feeling so sorry for myself. I know many people don't even have that.

Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent.

I have a super supportive family. When I told them I was sick with lyme disease, they were all floored because I am not the sick person in the family. I had never had even the flu. I was suzy jockette and I ate organic and was detoxing before I knew it was called detoxing. So my family became immediately concerned and full of questions......

Except for those in the medical field (except for 2 orthopedic surgeons). They (mostly nurses) questioned my diagnosis. I could tell by their questions that they thought I was lying. Those relatives I saw less and less of - my choice. I did not want to defend my illness and was having a hard time with the facts due to lyme brain. They could out argue me when I had lyme brain. I was not quick enough.

Friends - well, lyme sure puts those in boxes. I found my true friends stuck by me and said "is it a good day?" And those "so-called friends" never asked about me at all. They also quit calling as much.

Now, I am healed and I have my good relatives and my good friends. Those others, well, it is difficult for me to be cuddly with them. They aren't such good friends, I found out the hard way.

I would not trade one of my good friends for 100 so called friends. Lyme showed me some truths about people. One truth I found out was I so dislike phoney, pompous, arrogant people. I really like loving, kind good people that uplift and encourage. No one likes being torn down and the world is full of that. I like having happy around me. So by choice I have not rekindled those so called friendships.

But, that is just the way I roll - now.

Thanks everyone, I truly appreciate being able to have this group. I know people here will understand what we go through. Most of the time I try to be positive and think about the things I'll be able to do once I'm well. Some days are just really hard, you know you're sick and in pain and most days just bored.

After a long pity party today I listened to funny youtubes and podcasts and then two docs about dogs and cats. I love animals. It raised my spirits and made me laugh. That helped. My kitty stayed by my side all day which was unusually but so appreciated.

I think I will hold friends who have abandoned me at an arms length when I get better. It was a good suggestion. I also want to search out those people who are ill and need a friend. I also want to learn to be a Reiki Master and work with crystals and provide those services to people and animals who can't afford them. I know some may find that too hippie dippy but they have really helped me when I could afford the services. Those are the things I can look forward to and they make me happy.

Thanks again, you're all good friends.

Post Edited (Laker7491) : 11/14/2016 3:19:56 PM (GMT-7)

poohcheez, I became sick because of the stress my mother and sister caused me. My doctor said it probably was a dormant infection and the stress caused it to resurface. I decided to not have any more contact with them and haven't for a year and a half. Both of them are narcissists and mentally ill and made my life so difficult for years. It was always not what I had done for them yesterday, it was what was I going to do for them today. The first six months were hard but then I realized that I didn't have that heavy weight of thinking about having to deal with them. For the first time in years, I am looking forward to the holidays because they won't be there. I agree with you. I too am only going to be around positive and compassionate people. I am also learning that i am not responsible for anyone's happiness but my own. I wish you the best of luck and I know getting away from your family will be a huge help.

Laker7491, I'm sorry for what you are going through. And happy birthday!

My observation is that people are usually afraid of sick people - I mean, not literally afraid but they feel uncomfortable around them, they're anxious they won't know what to say or how to react. For example people at my work know I have some condition that makes me unable to work with them at the office (I work remotely from my home), but none of them - including my bosses - ever asked what kind of illness I actually have. Some of them try to be nice and sometimes they say things like 'I hope you feel better soon', but they seem afraid to ask what is wrong and how I feel NOW, like it could be inappropriate or might hurt me somehow.

I know one thing - it's not worth it to keep people who don't care about you around. If someone cares and is a true friend, they will ask how you feel, call you or text you from time to time at least. They will reach out to you. If they don't - I say good-bye and good riddance, you don't need them in your life. It seems pretty harsh, but this is what I learned the hard way. I used to be always so nice and polite, until it turned out some of my 'friends' mostly needed me for something I was willing to give them - support, advice, a shoulder to cry on. At some point I felt like I was a personal therapist to some of them, and they never were there for me when I needed support. So I've decided to avoid people like that. I have a few close friends, and the list got even smaller after I got sick. My best friend also has a chronic disease and I know she will always know what I'm going through. It helps.

Another thing is that - thanks to our governments and health care systems - Lyme isn't recognized as a serious illness. People don't know how hard it can hit you and with how many various symptoms, they have no idea about the length of treatment, about it affecting your psyche and mood. They usually either don't know anything about this disease or they think it's easy to cure with a 3-week course of antibiotic (because that's the opinion shared by majority of doctors). I've only met a few people who said: 'Lyme disease? I'm so sorry, my friend/brother/cousin/boss etc. has it and I know it's very difficult to beat'.

Laker, I like your ideas about becoming a Reiki Master and reaching out to other people in need. Your heart is in the right place, don't let others break your spirit!

I had healed, and healed well, back in 2010. I thought I was all done with this mess - but my Father in law needed a place to live due to Alzheimer's (he was no longer able to function living alone), and although he didn't last long in our house (his decline even surprised the nurses - personally I believe he had these infections, but no one would listen), it was a really rough 3 months with hubby and I having to sleep in shifts and constantly be there for him. I wouldn't change taking care of this wonderful man even if I could get my health back. He deserved no less.

But - during those 3 months, my brother and Mom were fighting (she lives with him) and she walked out and needed somewhere to live - so she packed her things and headed over here to me. She was on her way before we even had my Father in Law's funeral. So I was helping out at home with my FIL funeral preparations, and trying to find a place for my Mom to live -then when she got here, she expected me to be her best friend and run around town with her 3 or 4 times a week. Mind you, I had no time to recover from the stress of seeing an Alzheimer's patient through the end of life - and it brought my adrenals crashing down (almost entered into Addison's) and it took my thyroid function way down as well. After 2 years, my Mom finally moved back to my brothers (a few years ago now), but the damage to my health was already done.

Shortly after that I had a tick attach and ..... I was reinfected. I'm still working on this set of infections because very low adrenal function and low thyroid function keeps me from being able to really push through treatments as herxing really hits them hard.

Moral of the story? We are very sensitive to stress. We must be in control of our stress levels and keep it low.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, for this post!!!

I have been dealing with SO MUCH mental anguish due to MOSTLY EVERYONE I know, refusing to accept I have Lyme and Co's! The biggest reason is due to my MD saying "No, you dont have Lyme, do YOU WANT to have Lyme or what"?

My sister (diagnosed '08') who pressured me FOR YEARS to see a LLMD, due to her own diagnosis; when I finally saw a LLND & got diagnosis, didnt even so much as show interest, or ask what treatment(s)Im on. Ive been battling Lyme and Co's for 2 years now and she basically brow-beats me to practically death(figuratively), whenever I talk too much about how Im feeling or my current treatment. Instead of her showing me compassion and just keep'n it simple by words of affirmation, she goes off on this big long rant on how insecure I am and I expect too much from people!!! Expect TOO MUCH??? HOW about ANYTHING at all? Since Ive gotten ZERO phone calls, zero help, or support. I know, shes also a Lymie, but she started treatment fall of 2008, and I didnt start until 2014!!! I sleep LATE most days because I just CANNOT fall asleep most nights...she judges me for sleeping too much. Just because SHE falls asleep at 8-9pm wakes up early, but then she takex 2-3hours naps...WHAT? SHES sleeping the same amount as I am, just different hours. The other thing with her is she's making it out to be that Im just not trying hard enough to beat Lyme, because shes doing SO much better than me...WHAT THE HECK how could she even KNOW how hard Im fighting since im not even given chance to be heard all because she thinks I just want pity from people??? She started treatment SIX years before me, shes not menopause like me, and she doesnt have heavy metals like I do. OH, and this same Lyme disease sister of mine believes 'we' deserve this disease because of sin-that the devil gave it to us and we're not getting healed because of some unconfessed sin!!! What the heck??? All I can do is remember, she's got 'Lyme brain' also!!!

Then theres my alcoholic mother who MUST be center of attention. She wont accept either her daughters Lyme illness because of her own COPD. And my recovering drug addict sister whos always been center-of-attention treats me like crap because my illness changes her stauts of 'center-of-attention. I havnt seen them since last thanksgiving-they both called me a hypochondriac that day and THAT HURTS.

Then there's the system-wide medical files,dating back to 2004=1ST E.R. trip. 2nd E.R. trip 2007, 3RD E.R, trip 2012(after gall bladder surgery)...and the one E.R. trip just this last month....I go for racing heartbeat, chest pain, feeling of gasping for air! Each E.R. trip reveals nothing so they've put in my 'file' "Anxiety", "paranoia", and "severe depressive disorder"!!!! So now NO Dr takes me seriously. I had to find a private practice ND. Why, may I ask you is there even such a thing as a 'file' that 2 hospitals have access to?

I saw an RA last week for the joint pain. She was SO arrogant! She actually told me that she sees MANY patients that bring in lab results from their ND's and that she just doesnt see how they interpret the results the way they do. She didnt believe my Lyme diagnosis because she never heard of DNA connexions. So, because SHE never heard of that lab, she concluded its a scam. I told her yes I did Igenix, like THREE times and the elisa test, and she said, "What a waste of money, you shouldve stopped at the 1st negative elisa and igenix"! She looked at my 'FILE' and attempted to focus on anxiety, panic attack, depressive disorder, and was mad when I told her I came to see her, a Rheumatologist, not a physchiatrist.

So, Ive been rejected by close family, friends, and the medical world; but I focus on JUST THOSE who support me(whic sadly is few), but at least im not totally alone. I HAVE A GREAT DOCTOR and very supportive husband!!!