I just need to vent

I'm so tired of feeling great for a few weeks, then "bam," feeling like absolute crap again for a few weeks. Just when I think maybe, just maybe, I'm getting better, I'm reminded that I'm still sick. It's like every drop of hope is sucked out of me. I was pretty good for the past 2 1/2 - 3 weeks, and then yesterday, the bottom dropped out.

I haven't started treatment or even gotten an official diagnosis yet, but I just know it's Lyme. I saw an LLMD a couple weeks ago who agrees. He ordered a DNA Connexions test. I paid the additional $150 for a rush. Results should take 5-7 business days to get. Well, Friday was 7 business days, and no results. And since it's a weekend, I can't call the doctor or the lab. I just want to start treatment and am tired of waiting. My LLMD put me on supplements that are basically getting my gut ready for antibiotics. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but I want to start killing the disease. I just want it gone.

My husband (who is awesome) is out of town. We had my in-laws come stay with me and the kids this weekend just in case, even though I had been feeling pretty well. Good thing, since I'm sick again. I love my in-laws, but they just don't get it. We went to a farmer's market yesterday. My MIL will be completely sympathetic one minute, and then is sharing an order of chicken and waffles the next. (I have eliminated all grains, sugars, eggs, dairy, legumes, and nuts. I also can't tolerate much fruit.) I make a veggie smoothie every morning in my Nutribullet. My FIL, while enjoying a Banana Muffin, asks me how "that tastes." I felt like screaming, "It tastes like crap, but I don't really have a ****** choice!" If I had a banana muffin and coffee, I'd be bedridden for weeks.

I'm just so tired of all of this. The depression is really getting to me. I just want to get better. Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get that out.

I actually sat down and watched Under Our Skin (parts one and two) with them Friday. I do think they believe that I am really sick. But they just don't get that sometimes they say things that just don't help. My MIL broke her leg last year and had to have surgery. She was on IV antibiotics for a weeks, and had some gut issues. She keeps comparing it to me and my 5 ER visits in 4 months to her 2 weeks of stomach issues. She does this while sucking down a glass of wine and eating cheese and crackers. She's trying to be supportive, but it's really not.

The alternative is family who shows no interest, love or compassion. Don't know what is worse 😓

Or the ones who try to "fix" you by sending millions of articles and question the Lyme diagnosis because CDC page is redonkulous.

It can all be very frustrating! That's why it's good for you to post here - we really do understand what you are dealing with and how frustrating it is to deal with those that just don't understand our limitations.

Just come her to vent...we do 'get' it...let it all out..


I have a friend who used to say things like "It sounds like you have Lupus." Next time I'd talk to her she'd say "maybe it's fibromyalgia" .

...or "There's a really good massage therapist at _______. Maybe you just have tight muscles."


Drives me crazy.

Serfr said...
I'll add a vent: my wife baked chocolate chip cookies in the oven yesterday...cant eat any...house still smells

That sucks. My daughter was selling girl scout cookies. I had a house full of them and couldn't have one. Meanwhile, I got to watch everyone else eat them.

Yes this is very frustrating. Up one minute....down the next. Feel free to vent anytime.

mm57553 said...

Serfr said...
I'll add a vent: my wife baked chocolate chip cookies in the oven yesterday...cant eat any...house still smells

That sucks. My daughter was selling girl scout cookies. I had a house full of them and couldn't have one. Meanwhile, I got to watch everyone else eat them.

Don't bring those girl guide cookies into my house...in fact do not bring them within a mile of my house. I will sniff them out...and you won't believe how fast I can scarf them back.

the vanilla ones.....but if the chocolate ones are left...they'll do in a pinch.

Sometimes I wish this disease gave us green skin, or something to show the world we're sick. People have no idea how hard it is. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time. Feels like life is barely hanging together, by one little tightly stretched string, about to break any second now...takes a little self deceit sometimes to pretend everything is "OK". Whatever, keep moving, and hope for the best.