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Help with ennui and malaise

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Posted 4/2/2017 5:15 AM (GMT 0)
For the last week or so I've been depressed, but not just that, but sad, bored, angry, not interested in anything. It's like, I don't really care about anything? I've also been super extra critical of my husband and nagging him to death. I know there's so much going on in my head and the lyme is causing havoc on my brain and body...but is there anything you guys do to battle this? I don't feel like myself anymore and I have this dire sense that I'm wasting away. I've been herxing a lot lately and I've stopped the herbs for a few days. I hope I'll level out soon, but until then...how can I make this a little more tolerable? I have this whole, "what's the point" feeling and I'm even skipping pill doses, not doing detox etc.
Posted 4/2/2017 5:18 AM (GMT 0)
I would love to hear the answers as I have this on and off and hate it,you atleast are not alone
Posted 4/2/2017 6:38 AM (GMT 0)
I can relate to the ennui and malaise...it's such a long road, and we don't know when we'll see the end of it.

It usually happens when I'm herxing - these negative thoughts fill my head. "What if I never get better? "
"What if this is as good as it gets?" "Am I ever going to be able to work again?"

I also feel sometimes like I've lost my identity...who I am. Life has gone on around me...but I'm still stuck in the same spot.

But then I have a good day....or a few really good hours...and everything feels 'right' again. I am optimistic...I feel confident....and it feels so great.

KristenBee - I think it's wise that you've stopped treatment for a few days...you need a break from the herxing.
But try to keep up the detoxing.

bigcat - I don't have any answers...I just know what I need to do...and that is to never give up the fight because the status quo is just not good enough.
Posted 4/2/2017 7:40 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, KristenBee and bigcat, you are not alone and I think most of us feel like this to a greater or lesser extent at one time or another. What causes it can vary from individual to individual, be it the illness itself, the frustration of being ill and 'losing' the life you had, herxing and toxin build up or just what feels like the monotony of treatment. Of course put all those together and wham!!!

How I look at it (and it is not particularly scientific, more of a method to get me through it) is that the bugs want me to feel like that, they want me to stop treating to allow them to proliferate, they want me not to detox so I feel like poop, give in and let them win. And that is when I have to give my head a shake and refuse to allow that to happen!!!

You are right about backing down treatment if you are herxing a lot. Herxing a lot isn't productive for healing well and will sap your strength mentally and physically. DO focus on the detoxing as much as you can. Try to see that as as much a part of the fight as treating. For me getting those toxins out is the way to make me return to a more positive state of mind and ready to blat those bugs once again.

Hang in there, it will get better!!
Posted 4/2/2017 1:37 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks guys. I have to keep reminding myself it'll pass - I know it will. The thing that's got me worried is, I used to get bouts of depression as a teen and in my 20s, but never like this. This feels...I hate to say it...hopeless. I'm not suicidal or anything, but I've definitely felt like giving up - whatever that means. And I'm not a giving up person. I'm the person that charges through, but this Lyme has me feeling weak emotionally. I feel like I used to be so strong. I could pull myself out of anything. I'm not snapping back like I used to. Ugh!!

Thanks again. I am really glad you're all here.
Posted 4/2/2017 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
It does sound like something many go through - I know I've been through it many times. It's hard to keep going with treatments - especially when those treatments can make us feel so horrid!

You've gotten some great suggestions here, and I'd just like to remind you that detoxing is a major part of our healing more often than not, so do be sure that you are doing all you can to help your body detox.
Posted 4/2/2017 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
I am finally starting to recognize this for what it is when it hits. It is definitely related to herxing for me. I feel more pain and worse mentally when I herx. I end up wondering why bother, I'll never get better, I should just curl up and die. BUT, I get these feelings and I can now separate myself from them a bit and say, ok, I know this is herxing and I don't really feel this way. This is the lie of the disease. Time to hop in the sauna and drink my lemon water. Detoxing really does help to lift those feelings. I still will cry and have my melt downs but I can see that it is not truth and I won't feel that way forever.
I had two very dark weeks after I started my new meds. But I am through the fog. Feel hopeful. Ready to keep doing this. Things that helped: sauna, lemon water, cannabis. Yes, cannabis! I wasn't getting the pain management I needed so I finally gave it a try and it has helped quite a bit with the full body aches and joint pain. It also has helped lift my mood as well. I don't smoke it, I consume it. Plus cannabinoids are also useful against pathogens. smile
Posted 4/2/2017 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
Glad you chose to try the cannabis, ChickNorris! And, I'm super glad that it's helping!
Posted 4/2/2017 6:34 PM (GMT 0)

ChickNorris said...
I am finally starting to recognize this for what it is when it hits. It is definitely related to herxing for me. I feel more pain and worse mentally when I herx. I end up wondering why bother, I'll never get better, I should just curl up and die. BUT, I get these feelings and I can now separate myself from them a bit and say, ok, I know this is herxing and I don't really feel this way. This is the lie of the disease. Time to hop in the sauna and drink my lemon water. Detoxing really does help to lift those feelings. I still will cry and have my melt downs but I can see that it is not truth and I won't feel that way forever.
I had two very dark weeks after I started my new meds. But I am through the fog. Feel hopeful. Ready to keep doing this. Things that helped: sauna, lemon water, cannabis. Yes, cannabis! I wasn't getting the pain management I needed so I finally gave it a try and it has helped quite a bit with the full body aches and joint pain. It also has helped lift my mood as well. I don't smoke it, I consume it. Plus cannabinoids are also useful against pathogens. smile

ChickNorris, what kind of cannabis? Indica etc? I always get confused. Last time I tried an edible I was on the couch for hours!!!

I'm definitely getting into the sauna today. My god, it's been a rough couple of weeks. It usually helps.
Posted 4/2/2017 11:40 PM (GMT 0)
I'm still in the experimenting stage. Trying to find the best thing that will work. Indica is supposed to be the best one for pain. Most edibles are mixtures. I purchased some indica specific stuff yesterday at the dispensary. I will let you know if I notice a difference.
With edibles you have to go slow to find out the right dose. I took 5mg THC the first night. Then 10, then 20. Now I'm up to 30mg and that seems like a good amount. Enough to take the edge off but still be present and fit for human interaction.
I like having it in my toolbox.
Posted 4/2/2017 11:48 PM (GMT 0)
((((Hugs)))) to all of you going through this. I do too, often, with so much stress in my life; plus I have conditions that may or may not be separate from the tick infections, but they are chronic and not good.
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