Misanthrope

I feel that I have become a misanthrope because of the constant rage/irritability/apathy from Bart and it makes me hate everything and everyone. How am I supposed to stay positive and care about getting better when I'm consumed with hatred. I do not feel sympathy I do not feel empathy, I feel soulless. How do you live with yourself when you have dreadful thoughts of hoping people would just disappear because everyone and everything is pointless and useless.

It doesn't last forever. We have to focus on the future, on healing, better days. Sometimes it can feel like time stops, like we are trapped in pain forever, but it's not true. Personally I have been on treatment for eight months, the first four or five were horrible, but things have improved, slowly but surely. We can get through the bad times. I know it's hard, but we have to try, we can't live in the Dark Hole forever.

I have not had the severity of psych symptoms that you and others experience, but I have had milder psych symptoms. I've had a range of things: sudden feelings of hopelessness and wanting to die but not suicidal, usually accompanied by hysterical crying fits; wild, intrusive images coming to my mind when I'm trying to go to sleep; sudden mood swings and outbursts of anger; feeling stuck in my thoughts and kind of zombie-like.

I had problems with mold, and most of those symptoms occurred while I was living in a moldy house and for months after leaving that house and trying to get the mold toxins out of my body.

I've struggled with anti-social feelings and behavior most of my life. I've had signs of bartonella since childhood, too, so I assume bartonella and/or neuro Lyme is the reason for it. Sometimes I just feel agitated and out of sorts and don't want to be around people. At times, I get very sensitive to sound, motion, smells, etc. I can get real anti-social when that happens. I've closed my eyes and covered my ears in the presence of other people before. I've also grabbed my plate and stormed out of the dining room to go eat in isolation in peace and quiet.

Looking back, I recognize that these symptoms have been the worst when I've had a heavy load of toxins from either mold or lyme moving around inside me. When I briefly took cholestyramine to detox from mold and when I briefly took minocycline to try to treat Lyme and ehrlichia, these symptoms were high and mold, chemical, and EMF sensitivities were very high.

I hope that sharing some details of my experience will help you feel less alone in this. There are things that will help. I'll send another reply in a minute.