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Feelings of hatefulness

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Posted 5/8/2018 4:47 PM (GMT 0)
Does anyone else have feelings of hatefulness towards people?

I restrain it, but find myself muttering very un-Christlike things under my breath. The second I finish praying for forgiveness, I start doing it all over again.

Does this sort if thing happen to anyone else?

Is this part if Lyme/bart rage?

I'm still taking kudzu root, but this came on again last night and today.

I got so mad last night, I was nearly in tears. I try to pray my way through this stuff, but like I said, as soon as I finish praying (if I finish), those angry cursing thoughts and words come right back.
Posted 5/8/2018 4:50 PM (GMT 0)
BTW, all my posts have typos now. I switched to a dufferent phone, and either the keyboard is not as good or my aim is off. Sorry.
Posted 5/8/2018 5:17 PM (GMT 0)
It could be the bart rage.


I don't have these feelings - my issue is sadness, crying. Not sure which is worse!!!
Posted 5/8/2018 5:17 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds like intrusive thoughts. I haven't gotten what you describe, but it seems like everyone's intrusive thoughts take different forms.
Posted 5/8/2018 8:56 PM (GMT 0)
Do you have a lot of anger and rage which then becomes hateful thoughts? Anger and rage are very common with Bart.
This comes from the symptom chart in New to Lyme under Bart :
severe rage
-anxiety- panic attacks
-easily upset
-fear
-severe mood swings
I dealt with that before treating Bart. Now like Girlie I cry at everything. I'm not sure if it's the Mepron, Bab's, how darn long we've been dealing with this, or that my barrier is paper thin. Thank goodness they no longer have those reach out and touch someone commercials. I'd be a crying heap on the floor.

Talk to your doc about doing a few rounds of Bart focused treatment.
Posted 5/9/2018 7:48 AM (GMT 0)
Not sure if this is the same thing, but I have a much weaker filter now. A lot of anger that I used to suppress comes out now. Sometimes I feel guilty and sometimes (depending on the person) it is cathartic and satisfying, lol.
Posted 5/9/2018 8:42 AM (GMT 0)
I think anger, sadness, anxiety can all be a herx. I felt those feeling mostly when I was first starting to kill the bugs but now they are gone.
Posted 5/9/2018 9:33 AM (GMT 0)
Niacin is supposed to help with neuro symptoms. I took it today and yesterday and bedsides a short time of feeling bummed which I think was a herx I feel great! It kills bugs but also helps clear neuro toxins. I started very slowly and still haven't taken a full 500mg pill but it looks promising. It's even taking away the last of my twitches, which I think is from neuro toxins. Don't use the "no flush" or extended release kind just use regular niacin and work through flushes. Some people stop because of flushes or herx but I would just push through, this is the best I've felt in a long time. I hope it continues, and from what I've read It will
Posted 5/9/2018 12:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hi WalkingByFaith,

First of all please don't be so hard on yourself.. you are battling this disease and what you are experiencing comes with it (at least it did in my case).

I still remember cursing out my family for not being there for me when I needed them. Then they wouldn't talk to me for months after I let them have it (looking back I don't blame them one bit).

When I was still married to my ex-husband I knew I couldn't curse him so instead I wrote him letters trying to explain what I was feeling. At least I was venting on paper and not with my unfiltered mouth.

My behavior scared me as this was so unlike me (prior to lyme I was so lady-like and old-fashioned) so I went searching for answers. In my case I was suffering from lyme rage and I was told that I had so much ammonia in my brain (this was after I called up the Hansa Center to order more Borrelogen and they suggested I take the Neuro-Antitox Formula). That helped me so much! It calmed me down and the curse words became less frequent.

I know everyone is different and their feelings stem from various situations. I was VERY angry at my family for not supporting me as well as my now ex-husband. BUT, it was the way I dealt with my anger which not only hurt others but myself as well.

Again, be kind to yourself as this is not your fault.

Denise
Posted 5/9/2018 1:06 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, I've experienced. Becoming irritable much more easily with people was one of my first indications that I'd become re-infected after a bite back in March 2017. It has mostly resolved with treatment, but been replaced by other symptoms.
Posted 5/9/2018 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
Emotional herxes is a real lyme thing.

Some people it's anger, some people it's overly sensitive, or both.

For me it's overly sensitive. Easily tear up. When it was really bad in the early days of lyme, crying for no reason. Now when I experience an emotional herx flare it's just easy tearing up.

Over sad things or good, heart warming things. I mean very easily. Like the level of sad or heart warming can be very little and I'm fighting back tears lol.

As a man, I've always seen the jokes portrayed in our society of the emotional, overly sensitive, pregnant woman. But now I get a glimpse of how that feels and it's not funny.
Posted 5/10/2018 3:24 AM (GMT 0)
I'm afraid I have a pretty terrible time with this, my irritability is off the charts. When I hear the neighbors dogs barking excessively I find myself whisper-screaming at the top of my lungs very unkind detailed things which I think they can sometimes hear because it seems like the one dog almost goes on attack rage mode reacting to my whisper-screams under my breath (anyway our neighborhood is not the best or safest, some neighbors have big mean dogs that keep thieves away...).

I also get so sidetracked and annoyed by commotion in our fairly small 3 BR ranch house with pretty thin walls...muttering very hateful things more often than I should under my breath, usually set off by my dysfunctional family, I don't tell them off like I used to, usually it was something to the effect of "leave me alone" only said in a very not-nice way lol.

It's sorta funny but more sad because I would really like to be more mellow like I used to be.

And about the amplified feelings, mood swings, technical term "emotional lability" in med-psych parlance, I get that, sadness, you name it.

Also not to be a bummer but I think my body mostly stopped making feel good chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline at some point or the bugs short circuited it somewhere.

But on a good note, I try to maintain a good sense of humor but I know it's a long haul ahead.

Anyway, Onward and forward, in search of better diet, medical access.
Posted 5/10/2018 5:55 AM (GMT 0)
It really is another example of the big jigsaw puzzle we all deal with.
Is it a herx, a symptom - symptom of which piece?, is it the hormones the bugs love to ruin.
You think you’ve got an idea, adjust for that and adjust and adjust.
It changes with each phase we pass through and the more we’re treating for at the same time, the more The Who-knows-what-worked factor applies.

I cry happy I cry sad I cry pissed, I cuss like a sailor and it makes ME feel better.

Hang in

V
Posted 5/10/2018 6:19 AM (GMT 0)

Village Crazy Lady said...


I cry happy I cry sad I cry pissed, I cuss like a sailor and it makes ME feel better.


Me too! well, except for the cussing - I don't do that. nono


I've noticed that my husband is more emotional too....this disease certainly takes a toll on us - including those living the nightmare with us.
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