Story of tick illnesses and mental illness

I was diagnosed with bipolar, schizoaffective disorder, severe depression, etc..... and then with Lyme disease, Bartenella, and babasia, three tick illnesses. I need peace of mind. I live a daily roller coaster from one day to the next along with coping with daily life. I need a vacation across the world once they treat me for chronic Lyme. So many years of tears and confusion. For so long I could no longer see a future because I was having seizures that were unexplainable. I am trying to pull strength from some place inside but my brain is tired. Not thinking about this is good, yet the feelings under the thoughts frighten me. I am so strong , yet so attached to life in many ways. I wanted to try to explain all this clearly to you. Can anyone relate?

Hi Julek,

Livingforhope is so right.

I will just add that strength will now come from knowing the truth, and power to conquer these infections will come from knowledge.

There is so much good and helpful information on this forum, you can even search older post for specific topics.

Many here understand and will offer support and answer questions when you ask them.

Reach out whenever you need to.

Take care and I wish you the best of healing.

If there is one thing I can attest to Julek, Joy will enter your life again in many ways unexpectedly. I can't describe to those that have not gone through this...my best description is when I had lyme and I needed help, I felt like I was in a pool drowning surrounded by lifeguards watching me drown. (aka lifeguards = majority (though not all) Western medicine).

It was a betrayal to everything I thought the medical community should be. And I couldn't understand for years why people got excited by stupid little things, like party favor colors or a new shirt-or why they got upset because someone made an off-hand comment. And I don't mean I was judgemental-I just literally could not relate to that world anymore- I did NOT understand or comprehend it. It made it sometimes all that much harder to connect to others.

I've got much tougher skin after this but joy took a bit more time to come back. It came back to me through the blessing of my son. Best. Thing. Ever. Now I personally can enjoy a lot of things now all by my bad self - mainly nature or a darn good cup of coffee. But trust me Joy will come back, peace will come back, and so will stability! We are here with you!

To expand on that, I couldn't imagine getting excited over something like a color - I don't know if it was the depression or more confusion "why does this color make you happy? Why are you excited over a candle? Did that comment make you cry-I don't think they meant it...Don't think it is worth crying over." I just could not relate at all.

And there is a very specific reference that I remember. I was at my sister in laws bridal shower and understandably her mom was very excited. And she talked on and on about the party favors. I smiled politely but I distinctly remember being so confused...and a lot of people get excited about things like that, I would say its normal.

I know it is supposed to be the little things in life...but maybe when you are dealing with big things it is harder to relate to the little things that other people get excited about.

Also, I have a thing against party favors. ;). But I also DO get excited about some of the little things again. Sharpies and post its for example are GREAT.