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People used to think i was on drugs.

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Posted 8/12/2018 4:12 AM (GMT 0)
I graduated high school in '16 and its safe to say my time in high school was hellish. Up until in 9th grade, my life was great! Made friends really easily, 3 sport athlete, made it a point to be a role model. That changed one night when what I believed a traumatizing moment at a party set off my bartonella infection. I grew up always being bit by cats and having my house be constantly infested with fleas. Anyways, pretty shortly after that night, symptoms started to set off one by one. Depersonalization I believe to be the worst next to this rigid uptight anxiousness I occasionally get. Brainfog too. My grades suffered. I became antisocial never wanting to hang out with anyone. Its hard for me to enjoy myself. I know this could also be due to the traumitization, but I think I never enjoyed myself because of the Depersonalization and never FEELING like myself. My strength and agility in sports decreased. Everyone thought I was on drugs which made me ashamed and at a loss for words. No one understood why I was acting this way and i didn't either. It took me years of searching a praying to get to the bottom of everything which ended with a diagnosing of bart. Im just so ready to get my life back. Ready to move on on life. Im still young thank god but I can't help to think what could of been with sports and my GPA. I want to go to college but I know at the moment I absolutely could not keep up with the work. My motivation and stamina are poor.

I know this was all over the place, its a little hard to write in a structured format. I just wanted to get that out there and maybe have people relate to it. God bless.
Posted 8/12/2018 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
I have everything you describe and also have bartonella. My worst symptom by far is severe depersonalization/derealization 24/7. I also can not feel.... anything. Emotions, feelings, connection, time passage etc.. Like you, i was also very social and when this hit i became very introverted. I have read that social withdrawal is a reduction in the ADH hormone which is commonly low in us. One of the worst parts about these trippy psychological symptoms is that if you try to describe them to other people- as you described- they will think you're crazy

I'm sorry you're experiencing this but you have caught it early enough, you will get your life back. Are you seeing a good lyme literate doctor? An ILADS doc is the place to start. They'll understand exactly what you're going through
Posted 8/12/2018 2:05 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah .. . It's really weird . . . I ever since I got Lyme, I've been acting like I'm on drugs too. It's worse sometimes when I start a new treatment. Everyone thinks I'm nice, but a little bit kooky. One time when I went to get an MRI and they asked if I had taken sedatives, I was so out of it.

I did very well in school but now I just don't know if my brain can function the way it used to. I need to go back to school, but I'm not sure what I'm going to study because I don't want to get a job that's going to have a negative impact on my health. And there's vaccine requirements everywhere . . . I don't want to get a relapse from a vaccine. A lot of times I just don't feel like I have the mental energy to deal with everyday problems.

Thanks for posting.
Posted 8/12/2018 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
1)Some people mention depersonalization/derealization.

2)Some mention being lethargic (catching yourself staring at the walls) and totally spaced out.

3)Most mention brain fog.

I wonder if these are all different levels of the same thing?

I was never at #1, but was at #2 with word finding difficulty that got better turning into #3. Now I'm only #3 some mornings.
Posted 8/12/2018 2:26 PM (GMT 0)
For me the brain fog and the lethargy seem to be connected, but not the depersonalization. The times I've had bad episodes of depersonalization, it always seemed to be connected with feeling hyperactive.
Posted 8/12/2018 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
Guess I never experienced "depersonalization". Not even sure if I can imagine what thats like.

Extreme lethargy, yes, had that.

edit: "depersonalization" came out as "denationalization" from spell check. gees....what a difference

Post Edited (astroman) : 8/12/2018 11:24:31 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/12/2018 4:54 PM (GMT 0)

astroman said...
Guess I never experienced "denationalization". Not even sure if I can imagine what thats like.

Extreme lethargy, yes, had that.

It's awful. You feel this unending nothingness, like you have no soul. The derealization is a visual/brain disconnect from reality. Like you're deep in a dream world watching the world around you go by but being unable to partake in it
Posted 8/12/2018 5:28 PM (GMT 0)
Actually I tried a anxiety med one time (zolft? dont remember)- it did that to me.

I was an emotionless zombie of my old self. Co-works were asking what was wrong. They never asked before this Rx trial.

And millions of people take this stuff everyday? .........wow

5htp was way better. And simple.
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