Married to a Migraine

Hello Oneida,

I'm sorry to hear about both your's and your husband's suffering.  I was 14 when I first started getting my migraines, and everytime my mom said something negative about it or how it was affecting my life, I quite often said "you don't understand."  Now I feel so guilty for saying that because, while you really can't understand how bad it is to live with migraines unless you have them as well, you also can't understand what it is like watching and caring for someone you love suffer so much unless you experience it.  I found that out by evesdropping on my mom one day while she was crying, in my dad's arms, and saying how it hurt her so much to see me in pain and how she would gladly take my migraines for me so that I wouldn't have to suffer.  After that I never once said anything even remotely similar to "you don't understand."  Maybe something like reading your post here will help your husband to understand your side as well.

Wishing you and your husband the best,

~Liz

I've had migraine headaches since I was six-years-old, and I'm now in my late twenties.  My mother and I do seem to have some hereditary connection regarding this problem, but I think either mine are worse (if that's even fair to say) or she hides it better than I.  Anyway, I've tried so many doctors and all but one medication I've seen named on this entire site.  Like so many others here, it's been with little or no luck.  At this point, I have a helpful yet very frustrated boyfriend that may as well be a fiance.  But because of our deteriorating relationship-- due mostly to my ailment-- I wonder if it's best to let this relationship end rather than put he, rather us, through any more of this hell.  I read your response, Oneida, and I can feel the anger and frustration coming through your words.  I know it's not directed at your spouse; it's obvious you do all you can and sincerely care about your spouse's condition.  But how is a relationship supposed to survive this kind of constant pressure (no pun intended)?  Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not questioning your relationship.  I'm questioning whether it's best to assume I will be unmarried, etc, for the rest of my life both for my sake and someone else's.  Even the most understanding spouse will face unfair burdens because of my condition.  No matter how hard I try to cut him slack, he says I'm defensive.  Maybe I am.  It's nearly impossible not to be defensive when I can't say "I have a headache again today" without that sigh that others mention.  Even my parents occasionally ignore my phone calls now.  If you're own parents cannot deal with such a condition and problem, then how is someone who is not legally and parentally bound to you?  I suppose this is not so much of a response to your frustrations, but an addition of my own frustrations, questions, and concerns.  Maybe this is too personal a question, but given the opportunity, would you do it all over again?  Or would you choose a normal life with a "normal" person?  Trust me, I'm no saint.  But should I spare him the trouble?  I don't think I have the option of sparing myself this life, but he isn't legally bound-- not yet.

Oneida,

Thanks for your post! Believe me as a single mom of one I don't always have a caregiver around especially in those midnight hours when I'm face to face with my trash can or toilet from severe nausea. I was married for 12 years and my ex-husband was with me when I was first diagnosed with Migraine. We were about two years into our marriage at that time. Though the headaches were not as severe then as they are now, he never grew to understand that Migraine itself was the disease and the headaches, nausea, sensitivity to light, sound etc were symptoms thereof. Now that my headaches have become worse, my parents have moved closer. My child can call them over to drive me to the ER or to help out. My mom used to have severe headaches too so she displays a lot of empathy. My father is still not sure about the disease but he helps with driving my kid to sporting events and I'm appreciative of that. The hardest thing for over the last 5 years since my divorce has been dating. You know, do you really want to share with someone that you are down and out a couple of times a month for 2-4 days at a time due to a headache??? Well, I've finally met someone who really does and I put it all on the table upfront. We've been seeing each other for about 9 months and he has had to take on the role as caregiver and I'm thankful for that.

Even though we as migraneurs are down sometimes we are very capable and responsible adults. We just have this undescrible condition "Migraine" that sometimes wants to get in our way. But thanks to people like you Oneida, you all are there to keep things running smoothly. And for those folks who you are trying to explain the disease to send them to http://www.migraines.org/ then maybe they can find out more information for themselves. We all find ourselves trying to compensate or explain since this is such a misunderstood condition.

Keep doing what you're doing, blessings don't always come from the one you're helping, they usually come when you're least expecting and from an unexpected surprise!

I FOUND THE CURE TO WHAT FELT LIKE A LIFETIME OF MIGRAINES

I too have suffered for more years than I want to remember with migraines.  My life has been dictated by my migraines, it has been a living hell!!! Reality we do not have a life.

I suffered from migraines almost all day everyday.

I went into a very, very deep depression - have taken just about all the anti depressants on the market.  Tranquilisers, epileptic medication etc etc  Live on migraine pain pills.  The neurologists warned me that if I continue taking the migraine pills the way I do (some days I took up to 4 pills) one of 2 things is likely to happen.  One a massive stroke and Two my heart will stop beating - that meant nothing to me I did not care, stroke no, heart stop beating definitely!!!

Went to physio 3 times a week for 18 months

Have seen 20 specialists of which 6 were neurologists.

Had 15 electric shock treatments - yes you may think this is drastic but when we are so desperate we will try anything hoping it might be the solution.

Maxilla Facial Surgeon

Hospitalised 15 times

Went to Rehab twice to be detoxified from pain killers.

AND ON AND ON AND ON!!!!

At the end of the day I decided that is it their is no cure!!!  This is how my life will be permanently.

Bottom line my life was a living hell.

I live in South Africa. At the begining of this year I heard a specialist talking on the radio, saw him on TV, read in newspapers and magazines of the cure he has for migraines etc. etc. etc. A world first break through in Migraine cure. In one of our local magazines I read about a woman who was totally cured from a life time of living hell with migraines.  I related 100 percent to her. I phoned the magazine and got the contact number for the lady, I phoned her and she told me she went to the Headache Clinic and her life has changed she no longer has mirgraines and cannot believe what it is like to live like a normal human being, she is off anti depressants etc.

I made the decision this is my last hope - what do I have to loose?????

I went to the Headache Clinic and was amazed at the amount of people I saw there I could see the agony in their faces and it made me feel like I belonged with them, here I am with people who are gong through exactly what I am. I met people who were cured from these dreaded migraines at the Headache Clinic.  I was amazed and suddenly just knew I had found the right place at last.

Many migraine sufferers were here from overseas - they know people who came to see this specialist and they were 100 percent cured from migraines.

After having spoken to numerous specialists and had numerous tests, scans, xrays, blood tests etc etc.  I was told that in certain cases migraines are caused due to arteries in our heads (we do not need all these arteries)  the arteries above the skull not the arteries that go to the brain and can be hereditary - in my case the tests proved my condition was hereditary.  Their is a very specific scan which is done for this and my scans showed numerous problem arteries. Their is a procedure which the specialist does to these arteries and from the minute you come round from the aneasthetic you wake up feeling like a new person (the pain relief was so huge I did not need to take pain killers after the operation) I cannot describe the change, the muscles in my head, neck and shoulders felt so relaxed, felt motivated, energetic, no pain, colours look so different, vision is crisp, great quality sleep.  The results are beyond the human imagination - I am a changed person and now know what it is like to live!!

PLEASE NOTE A VERY LOW PERCENTAGE OF HIS PATIENTS REQUIRE THIS OPERATION.

He has other simple methods (not pain killers) which work for the majority of the patients.

My specialist is involved at Harvard in America, also in Italy and England with this first time break through for migraines. You can look on the websites re Headache Clinic South Africa and you can read all about it there.