I'm at a loss...

Ok, I have now heard (by a little birdie) that my current job (a part-time cleaning gig that I've had for about 4 years) could be in jeopardy... Partially because of my migraines, but mostly because it's a small community type thing and someone else wants it that is 'better connected'. I have never missed work there because it is something I can go in for whenever I feel like it (or more to the point... when I feel up to it). I have always made sure I kept the job done correctly, but there are people that have their own beliefs on what I do when I am at work and others that think I am not there enough hours in the week (alot of times I go in the evening or at night, and they only think I'm there when they SEE me there, which is when I show during the day)...

Anywho, I have, on several occasions, applied for many jobs, but living in a very small town everybody talks to each other and, at the very least, already have opinions of what type of employee I will be. I was told by an employee (and a 'friend') of one of the places I applied for recently that HR was told they shouldn't hire me by a former employer "because I'm known to come to work drunk" which I guess is how they describe my migraines... because I don't drink! EVER!

getting personal:
I'm at a point where I've already gone from being pretty well paid, Renting a house while looking for a house to buy, to living in a HUD house and having no extra money for anything other than bills, to also having to get food stamps, to now.. and I don't know whats going to happen...
I am unable to have money enough to move, which I believe would be the ideal (i.e. ONLY) solution. I have seriously tried at every job I've had... I seriously can say it's not because of laziness or being a bad employee. In fact the Doc's, nurses, and such said I was the fastest and most efficient person there when I worked at a hospital. except when I had a bad migraine. *sigh*

I have started a migraine journal again and plan on trying to find a Doctor again... I had stopped because of desperation/depression around the time my mother Got sick and passed away... because I was having them every single day, no medicine was working that they were willing to give me, and I felt all was lost.

...I guess (other than just needing to vent) I'm just asking if I'm the only one who's situation has gotten this bad? Is everyone else right about me? am I just lazy and every other person with migraines can handle them much better than me?

What should/can I do?

thanks for helping me feel a bit better... my wife and I talked last night (and my kids could see I was having a BAD day and gave me lots of hugs and kisses) and she said she doesn't think I'm worthless and full of crap so THATS good :p.

I've got news on a possible job, something I think I can do with MOST of my migraines... which is more than I've heard in a few YEARS so I have high hopes.

Wish Me Luck!

now I just don't know what to do...

I got the job... and I start on Thursday.
... I'm am stressing which is making my migraines worse, which is causing me to get anxious about the job...

I am thinking about all the things I didn't think about when I applied (I was just happy that someone finally wanted to hire me!).

... I believe my migraines will be part of my downfall at this new job... I don't want to lose it because I can't get anything else, but I don't want it because of how much it will interfere with EVERYTHING! It's looking more and more like that other job is going to get stolen away from me... and my wife could possibly lose hers because my new one takes place at the same time as hers (so she will have the kids at her job, childcare is not an option)... so what I will be earning at my new job will be almost exactly what we were earning at the current jobs... so if they are gone we will be in the exact same financial situation we are in now... except I'll be gone for 12 hour shifts (three 12 hour shifts and one 7 hour of manual labor with migraines?!?!). and my days off won't be together...
I also have serious problems getting up and active early in the mornings regardless of when I go to bed... which I'm trying to work on... but I start the day after tomorrow!
We have a child that has partial complex seizures (luckily the meds have kept them under control for a while) and it will be hard for my wife to keep an eye on her while she is working... I just don't know... there is all that and more on my mind... I haven't been able to find any work and we are just stuck in this rut...
I don't want to live in this house... I don't want to stay on public assistance... I want to be able to do everything that everyone else can... so I'm not thought of as this lazy waste... that can't do what everyone else can...

"everyone has to deal with stuff... and they can hold a job"
ARRrrgh, I'm so tired of hearing crap like that... --stuff-- is not constant migraines... stuff isn't... everything thats lead up to this point.
I just wish everyone... or at least the people I care about and work (or have worked) for could know what I am actually going through... so these assumptions that I don't WANT to work/participate in social events would go away... and I wish my family didn't have to suffer because of ME!
/rant


... I guess I'm just depressed/stressed/anxious/sick.... great way to start a new job! *sigh*


ETA: does anyone here do anything from home (real, obviously)? or know of 'accommodating' jobs of any sort? anything?
... I just feel I've just lost the end of my rope... and now I'm stuck in this spot... forever.

Post Edited (Defrostmode) : 4/1/2008 1:18:52 PM (GMT-6)

I am currently not taking anything for them... I have tried a few things that didn't work and am scared to try others (have heard some horror stories about imitrex, for example). I had been doing alot of resting and staying away from agitators of my migraines at home (which I won't be able to do at work)

about 6-7 months back I had started a migraine journal, but I went through a bout of depression and didn't feel like seeing a doctor or continuing the journal so I threw it away (stupid I know)... I just started a new one about a week ago.

I live in a small town and specialist of any sort are scarce... I am going to a clinic (the only thing I can afford) to see if they can do ANYTHING for me...

My appointment at the clinic is Saturday... and they sort of ignored the whole migraine thing when setting up the appointment (I also asked to be seen with a problem with my ear/hearing and it seemed to be what they were setting the appointment around... so hopefully they will listen about my migraines too, since that is a big chunk of why I set the appointment).

I am just really stressed right now and already hope to find something - ANYTHING better than (I'm assuming) this job will be...

I have had times in my life where the migraines were quite frequent and always horrible. It would often times take me a few days to feel back to normal again...and by then I had missed so much at school that I felt I couldn't catch up. I didn't tell most of my teachers about what was going on.....mostly b/c the ones I had told in my past didn't seem to understand. SOme even looked at me like I was crazy.

I kept my problems to myself most of the time. SOmetimes I just flunked a class because I"d get so far behind that I"d just give up....or b/c I missed an exam when I was sick and didn't want to tell the professor why I hadn't been there for it.

It was just about being sick the day that I had the migraine....it was recovering afterwards...it was dealing with the side effects of some of the preventative medications I was on....it was about dealing with the feelings I was having about everything that went along with it.

In time you learn that it is not all or nothing. WHen you're down with a migraine, that's it....you're stuck with it and you need to rest and recover. The thing is, you have to pick yourself up again and get back to it. SOmetimes that means starting all over again (I retook many classes). SOmetimes it means settling for an "okay" job rather than a "perfect" job. SOmetimes it means really showing what you can do when you're able to and making sure that you stand out from the crowd on your good days.

For some people, "bouncing back" just seems to come naturally.....for the rest of us.....well it's an acquired skill.