I cannot see the light and I am really alone

This is the first time I have posted anything on a website. I have been admitted for this before but I don't want to go back there. I fell so alone with this pain. I have seen so many doctors and therapysts and taken so many pills and injections and therapies and really really try. I am up on Decadron right now. I have pain every day and it just depends on what they day brings as to how severe the pain will get. Weather, stress, etc. I go to Dr's 2,3 even 4 times a week between therapy's with me, family, and headache Dr. I have a 16 year old son and a 3 year old daughter and a boyfriend of 12 years. Had really bad migraines as a child .. went away as a teen to random then came back worse than ever after my last child was born. No meds are working and the migraines go in cycles of days. I cannot work. My daughter has to be in daycare due to unpredictablility. I have had chronic anxiety disorder since I was 16 with panic attacks as well as PTSD. Molested as a child, raped as a teen. Drug history. Many years of Therapy. Now this, just as I thought life was going to get better. Now I am *****y all the time all my family sees is mommy angry and insane or crying and breaking down or laying in bed. What kind of life is this for them? My boyfriend just doesn't get it. All he sees is a personal attack on himself and says he cannot take it. Yet he does nothing to try and understand what it is like to just have your life ripped away from you and to be in pain day after day and to be so depressed that you want to just end it. Very long story. My mother mother has Borderline Personality Disorder with mostly all the attributes and I cut ties with my father years ago...another long story. The friends, so called are not friends. I truely have no one. I don't want my son to be left to have to be with his father he has never been in his life he chose to stay on the drug path. LOOSER! I was the only strong one then only one to hold life together and now there is no one! I took care of everyone. There is no one to take care of me or my kids. And I sit here day after day and want to end my life. 

sending you a masive amount of love, please look after urself, thinfs can only get better, i too am at a extrmemly low stage in my life, with pain and quality of life, everything i do is difficult, from waking to bed, everything, and coming to terms with how my illness is the hardest thing. Ive just been referd to have counselling, maybe try this, i know u said u have had counselling, but maybe have it this time fo the pain?

read my previous posts if you like
just click on my name and it should take u to posts ive written

Take care
ur kids are worth hanging in there, they need a mummy, no matter if ur pooly, they need you x