help

Hello concernedgf,

Welcome to Healing Well. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with your boyfriend's migraines. I suspect he is struggling as much if not more than you.

Living with someone with migraines can be very difficult, especially if they are chronic, which from your description it sounds like your boyfriends are. This means he has them a lot.

I have had migraines for most of my life. There was only 10 years while I was a teenager that I didn't have them. When I met my husband they weren't that bad. Now they can occur everyday.

Have you had a migraine? If not, the pain from a migraine is unlike any pain you can imagine. It can sometimes be so bad you want to hit your head against a wall. When you have one you can be sensitive to light and sound, meaning that any lights and sounds can make it worse. For me, my husband sitting on the bed is enough to make me throw up. Oh yes, that's one more symptom, nausea.

When one is experiencing this kind of pain regularly, it can cause depression. It takes all one has to deal with our own lives, much less the lives and problems of others. Unfortunately we become selfish because we just want the pain to stop. It has nothing to do with the special people in our lives.

We usually feel really guilty for letting the people in our lives down, which leads to more headaches. Stress can be a trigger of migraines. I have got to the point I don't make plans just so I don't let people down.

It can be hard dealing with medical professionals as well. Sometimes we are treated like, we just have a headache, what's our problem. Unfortunately, we don't have a headache. We have a disabling condition that can bring our lives to a standstill if not treated. Each person is treated and so is each treatment so it can be a long tedious process finding the right medications. If your boyfriend has been running into walls when he has sought treatment, it's understandable that he won't see any more doctors.

So if it's all so helpless what can you do? First, decide if it's worth standing by your boyfriend. Do you love him? Do you see yourself being with him forever? If he is the one for you then I would recommend talking to him - when he doesn't have a migraine. Tell him how you feel and ask him how you can help. Tell him you want to work with him to fix the migraines. Perhaps you can find times when you can discuss your problems and his. It might be as simple as you asking if he's okay, or if he has a headache.

My husband and I nearly divorced because of my migraines. Finally a psychologist asked him if he was here for the long run. He said he was. That meant the world to me and was a turning point. Instead of us fighting each other we started fighting the disease together. He goes to the doctor with me. He talks through things when I'm feeling frustrated and he does his best to never make me feel guilty for cancelling. In return I attend as many things as I can with him.

Sorry this is so long. I hope it helps and gives you the picture. It is so kind that you have started by asking about his disease. If you decide to stick by him, it might seem very one sided sometimes, but he will love you for it. I'm sure of it.

Good luck. Feel free to ask more questions. Let us know how it goes.

I can somewhat relate to what you are going through on 2 levels because for one I have suffered with severe migraines since I was a baby and my mother took me to the doctor because I would hit my head and cry in pain and I also have a father that suffered my whole life with debilitating migraines and missed almost every major function I had due to a headache. I have what the doctors have coined "classic" hereditary migraine headaches I get them from the weather, foods, and other factors in my life. Over the years I do not have an aura but I can go blind in an eye and the naseua is unbearable I have broken my toe because of a headache and almost broke my nose because of a headache I have spent more days and nights than I care to remember locked in a dark room with strings tied around my head and ice packs / heat packs and whatever else I can think of to get rid of the headache. I cant take imitrex because it causes me to have heart attack symtoms. I have been to more neurologists than I care to think about and I have found that for the most part they have not helped me. I have been to 2 major headche clinics in 2 different countries and when I say I have tried it all I have tried it all homeopathic medicine, over the counter, prescriptions,chiropractors, massages, meditation I have read literature browsed the web up and down. My husband and children suffer with these headaches as well my daughter saw me relaxing at a pool one day and because I was laying down she came over stroked my head (at 2yrs old) and said poor mommy has hegage (thats how she called it) and wanted to get me ice. I thought I was going to cry.

I would suggest that he see a doctor it is very important to contain migraines with a doctors help and they can be controlled in many cases. I myself discovered about 3 or 4 years ago Topamax and I have been taking it ever since the reduction I have seen in my migraines is huge I have a life again and I would not give it up. I did this in a partnership with my doctor I have regular checkups and blood work but it is so worth it. I still get migraines but not as bad and many times they are contained rather quickly. I am not saying that what I take is for your boyfriend but most the most important thing is to get your doctor involved and it is a partnership to work out a strategic plan on how to contain the pain and not just "live with it" also be careful of the over the counter meds because taking too much can cause other health problems which a doctor would also advise.

I hope this helps a bit.