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I feel stupid, having to slow down

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Multiple Sclerosis
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Posted 2/3/2009 10:17 PM (GMT 0)
My doctor wants me to slow down and do less, this makes me feel a little useless in a lot of ways.

I have a handicapped sign for the van, but I don't have a wheel chair. The doctor wants me to use it to reduce fatigue. Which at first I thought this was neat, because now I get to be up front in the parking lot all the time. But I have used it and actually found myself feeling like I should try harder, that I should not baby myself or treat myself like a disabled person.
I have to sit at work now, again I don't have to, so I feel stupid doing this.
I don't know if anyone really understands, this disease is frustrating to me. I don't want to slow down
Posted 2/4/2009 5:14 AM (GMT 0)

Hi AnitaLynn,

This is tough stuff.  I believe this is the hardest part of this disease; coming to terms with the fact that we are losing some of our abilities.  It is such an unpredictable disease course for each one of us as well.  We are essentiall robbed of future dreams and plans. 

I also have to use a handicapped placard. For me it has nothing to do with not being able to walk.  It has to do with the fact that with chronic balance and vertigo, I have to look where I am walking ....not up, not to the side.  I need to park as close to my destination just so I am not run over by a car backing out, turning a corner etc. 

Try to remember that your abilities have NOTHING to do with your self worth.  You are you and that makes you invaluable.  You are loved by family and friends.  You are a valued member of your community.  This is NOT because of what you do; it is because of who you are. 

Also, remember that whatever you feel is appropriate.  It is ok to feel down or angry due to slowing down.  Whenever I try to deny my feelings, I get to feeling really awful. If I admit what I am feeling and really think about those feelings......they eventually seem to work themselves out. 

Good luck and let us know how you are doing.  You are definitely not alone in these feelings. 

Posted 2/4/2009 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the comment Gretchen. I am still struggling with it feeling useless today. Also work is not helping me with feeling useful, it is quite inconvenient for them to let me sit down (so they say), and they are not afraid of letting me know this. So I feel bad about it and angry that work makes a big deal out of it, I feel they want me to quit. I feel so inadequate about it that I just might give in to work and quit and find a easier job, but then I will have a lower wage probably.
I just want to cry about it all the time. I am so exhausted about it. So ticked off.
Posted 2/4/2009 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
i have handicapped plates on my car and i did at first feel guilty about using them. then i realized that others are using these parking aids that have more invisible diseases like heart conditions. there are times that i might be able to walk to the supermarket from the car, but after i've been walking in the store, i'm beat and glad that my vehicle is nearby. definitely helps when my ms leg is acting up. hadn't driven for two years because of ms cognition troubles so i do appreciate being mobile, and see the plates as a help. also view my cane as a mobility aid and thank drivers who slow or stop to let me cross. i guess i see both the plates and the cane as ways to take care of myself and not push my luck as far as mobility goes. took a while to get used to, but now i appreciate them both. linda
Posted 2/5/2009 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hi AnitaLynn,

Handicapped cards are for a reason. Some day you may need it, and some days not, but listen to your body. And remember to be kind to yourself!! Pace yourself and look at what you did do for the day -- not what you weren't able to accomplish. The little memories are the times we remember and cherish in life -- not rather we got the laundry done or not.

And your work is lame!! I haven't had to deal with this yet, but I know there is something you can print out from the American's with Disability Act site. Just hand it to them. All of the laws are in your favor, so don't let them bully you or get under your skin.

Sending you good thoughts!
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