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Posted 5/27/2008 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
I got an ileostomy(did I spell it right?) when I was 13. Anyway, I'm a 16 year old girl. I've never had a boyfriend or anything. I know this is kinda dumb, but I'm worried no guy will want to be my bf or husband cuz of my ileostomy. Could someone give me advice? Thanks.

P.S. I haven't been able to locate any other teens with ileostomys. If your a teen with an ileostomy, please let me know. I'd like to have someone to talk to about it who's my age :) (That is, if you want to. lol)

Posted 5/27/2008 5:32 AM (GMT 0)
well i am not a teen, but i do know that my husband isn't bothered by mine at all,i was worried that he would be but he doesn't care.
If a man is going to hold that against you then you wouldnt' want him anyway, you know?
there is another board, that has a teen forum, it's uoaa.org there are some teens and young adults there.
i dont think it's dumbfor you to worry about it, btw.
Posted 5/28/2008 11:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Blonde

I've had my ileostomy since I was 10 years old - I'm 41 now. Only once have I ever had a guy reject me because of it - but that was his loss! You'll find most guys will only care that you're alive and well and able to be with them.

Nowhere in personal ads have I ever seen "must be tidy, friendly and poop via your rectum and anus". How you poop is simply not a criteria most people base a relationship on. Consider this. If the guy of your dreams came along and you knew nothing about ostomies but he confided to you that he had one, would that stop you from going out with him? I'm betting it wouldn't if he's truly the one for you. So there's no reason to think that no one will ever want to go out with you then, is there? Besides which, I know MANY ostomates who have met the person of their dreams, fell in love, gotten married and had families after surgery.

I don't tell a new partner straight out - I let him get to know me first so he can see that me having a bag doesn't change who I am. It can be a nervous time telling him wondering what he'll think but if he's worth your time, he'll understand. Let him ask questions cos he's probably never heard of it before and answer his questions as honestly as you can. If he does reject you because of it (and there are some guys out there who probably will) then yes, it will hurt, but you can be thankful because you really don't need someone that shallow in your life.

I've come close to getting engaged twice but when it came down to it I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with either guy. Right now I'm happily single and loving it.

Good luck :)
Posted 5/29/2008 3:13 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Blonde,

I'm a 20 year old guy and I had my ileostomy surgery last year when I was 19 but I still kinda consider myself a teen, lol. It would have been a hard thing to go through at 13. I haven't had a girlfriend since the surgery and I feel the same way as you do about all that stuff but I have come to realise over the last year or so that if someone doesnt want to be with you just because you have an ileostomy then they are really not worth your time anyway. The right person is out there for you who will love you for you and not care that you have an ileostomy. I have thought about how I would tell someone alot lately and I think I would get to know them first and let them judge me for me not judge me for the fact that I have an ileostomy and if they like me for the person that I am then hopefuly  it wont matter to them that I've got an ostomy and if it does then they are not the right person for me anyway.

Hope this makes sense.

Luke

Posted 5/29/2008 4:57 AM (GMT 0)
Well....I'm not a teen anymore. In fact, I probably have underwear older than you,lol! However, I remember the first time I went to an ostomy meeting back in '89. If you've never been to one, there sort of like mixers where you eventually share converation with just about everyone at some point. Anyway, I remember seeing this woman that was.....well...how do I put this politely? She was "drop dead gorgeous"! She was in her late 20's, but has had an ileostomy since she was 16. If you saw her on the street you'd never know she had an ostomy. In fact, you could say this about everyone with an ostomy! She told me that she didn't make a big deal about her ostomy. So, if any boy didn't want to talk to her they probably weren't worth her time anyway. To make a long story short, she met a guy, hit it off, and by the time she told him about the ostomy it didn't matter to him. They eventually got married and have a family.

I learned a lot from this woman. She told me that having an ostomy was only a big deal if you decided to make it a big deal! You'll eventually realize your the same person you always were....only healthier!  And, you know what? She was right!

Posted 5/30/2008 12:56 AM (GMT 0)

Hey Blonde! I'm 19, had an ileostomy for nearly a year now. I had a bf at the time of my surgery and he didn't seem to mind, like was said earlier he was more glad I was alive! :) We're split now but I've had a non-serious bf since and he wasn't put off in the slightest. I wouldn't let worries about it drag you down, I think as long as you're comfortable in yourself and confident, no matter what's going on down there, other people won't care, and just see a happy girl who knows she's awesome :P :)

If you want to talk more about this stuff, feel free to email me :) x x x x

Posted 5/30/2008 1:14 PM (GMT 0)
If your hot, your hot!
stoma or not! tongue

mostly beauty is in between the ears... scool
Posted 5/31/2008 6:25 AM (GMT 0)

tpoof said...
If your hot, your hot!
stoma or not! tongue

mostly beauty is in between the ears... scool

You should send this to Hallmark! I couldn't have said it better!

Posted 7/7/2008 7:24 AM (GMT 0)
I had my ostomy when I was 16 too. It was really hard for me as well, so I can completely understand. I cried for weeks thinking I wouldn't be able to wear tight-fitting jeans and swimsuits. My boyfriend at the time was completely okay with it. I heard my ex boyfriend even said something like "she has to go to the bathroom in a bag, Gross". But guess what? He asked me out again in college, so I guess it didn't bother him that much. If you're confident in who you are and keep in mind what kind of person you're looking for, it will all turn out okay.

One thing that really helped me was to talk to the volunteer unit in my children's hospital and offer to talk with other teen girls who had to go thru ostomy surgery. It's nice to be able to instill confidence in others. It gives you confidence in yourself.

Good luck.
Posted 9/5/2008 8:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi...

Well, you are the same age as my girlfriend, in fact, she got her when she was 13 too and she is blonde so maybe you ARE my girlfriend! Lol! She has got a colostomy though, not an ileostomy... Anyway, don't worry about what guys think. I am sure there will be some shallow idiots who wouldn't date you because of it, the same as some people wouldn't date you if you were too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, had ginger hair etc... But they aren't the kind of people you want to date/marry anyway.

As a regular, decent young guy I know that it doesn't bother me in the slightest. My girlfriend is still the most wonderful, beautiful girl I know.

Also, if you still read this thread and want someone your age to talk to about it I could probably get her to join this forum if you like?
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