pros/ cons what if....

I'm reading ur comments and some of u seem to benefit from the surgery greatly, but alot of u seem not helped or worse off thn b4... i am 8 days away from a subtotal ileorectal anastomosis, i am completely full of poop literally, some of u talk about being still constipated aftr this procedure, still needing enemas and what not, This is not very inspiring because i hv 2 use an enema everyday just so i can eat, some of you talk about how you have alot of water retension (swelling ) after the surgery, I am already swollen from my head to my legs i seriously can't swell anymore, some of you talk about experiencing weight gain after this surgery... well despite the low calorie intake I am already at a high number (I can see if I ate too much Ok then I desrve the weight) but I barely can eat anything and if I gain anymore I will be considered overweight...Alot of you mention pain, I spend half of the time in crippling pain to the point i had to take med leave from wrk, some of you talk about developing food intolerances, When already before surgery I have quite a few, so all in all is this surgery worth it, i mean i don't see how i can get much worse but i know that no matter how bad i hv somebody has it 10 x worse. All I know is that I can't live in the current state I'm in. What's the point of completely going n2 debt more than i already am if theres a fair chance that this colectomy won't work, or make me worse... I am scared, terrified that everything that could go wrong will or that it will leave me still constipated, swollen, and full of poop( I'm so tired of looking 9 months pregnant and having nooo energy to live)  What am I supposed to do if it doesn't help me? Just slowly be poisioned to death by the toxic wastes(poop) in my colon already. Am I just supposed to say oh well and never poop again until I die, just live with it by doing enemas and swallowing a cabinet full of laxatives every freakin day? I really hope and pray that the surgery will help me, its all i got to hope on . What if theres complications and i die or end up with a bag or get infections or harm other organs. What if I keep swelling even more after surgery and become obese, what if I can't work and the bill collectors throw me in jail because i can't afford my medical bills... What if I'm making a mistake, but I can't go on so there's no turning back now. I guess i will just have to suck up fears and risk it. Maybe just maybe this could might just possibly work and i will get my life back. All I can do is pray and hope

hopestar!!!!!! everything you are feeling, i felt too!! you are not the first and won't be the last, and yes you have every right to feel like this. As from my emails to you, you know how bad things were for me before the op, i now go at least once a day, and my pain meds are starting to take effect and i have been sooo much better lately. As for the food intolerances i had none before surgery, now i do, but you have them now, most folk seem to have had their intolerances disapear!! i am now controlling what i eat and it helps, its not that hard. Comparing life to before the op, was hell, all my life not pooping properly being in awful pain and swelling, i wouldn't change having the op for any amount of money now. I have full confidence you will feel the same. Ive already come to the decsiion if i were to get a bag maybe it would be best, yeh stll scared but not so much. the people on this forum have had their lives turned around with a bag, so be like me, one way or another bag or no bag you will get to lead your life the way you deserve to. May just take some more time, but your future is looking so bright now. Good luck and we will all be waiting for the first posting once you are home. amanda xxx

Hi Hopestar,

It is normal to feel scared before s/x...but try to stay positive,and trust that which ever way it goes..w/ a bag or w/out,GOD is in controll.  I know that that can be hard to belive sometimes,we went through 11 years of tral and error w/ my daughter before we finally had tried everything,and had to go to a bag...but that gave my daughter a life,we are exactly 1 month since she got the bag,and she has never been happier!!  Yes we have some bumps in the road,but life is so much better than it was !! Yes it would have been great if her other s/x had worked,but they didn,t ,and we looked forword to the bag,but you should try everything,before giving up !!Most people that have your problem,and have the s/x you are having it works...thats what the drs told us anyway. Try not to worry and think about "what if"...think of this as no matter what happends it is a step forword!!You will be in our prayers!!

Krista & Takera

Bless you hopestar - I understand where you are coming from to some extent... I am SURE all will be well with you.  I will watch for your posting as i also need something positive to hang onto.

 

all my thoughts....karen x

Heather,

Keep your chin up and keep a positive attitude going into the surgery and your recovery should go smoothly.  Just give your body time to heal and readjust to it's new plumbing.  I will be watching for your posts.  Best of Luck to you.