Hugging with an Ostomy...

No worries, nobody will be able to see (or feel) that you have an ostomy. The visual of you doing a "side-hug" brought a big smile to my face! I'm glad to hear you're feeling well and are back to living life again!

Hug away!
Cecilia

No one has ever noticed mine...HUG AWAY!

Hi Oz,

I am a female ileostomate who has an ileostomy due to permanent colon, rectal damage and some damage to my small intestine that was fixed and an ileostomy made so I could survive. As I've (luckily) gotten on with life, I have actually become a frequent cruiser and dance ballroom dance with these men who work on board called "dance hosts." They dance with all the single ladies as a job in exchange for a free cruise from the cruise ship companies. Doing this is fun and gives my mind a break from all the severe trauma I've been through.

When I first started doing this, I was terrified of being held too close and having my ostomy dig into these guys. I am sure to eat and pass waste well before dancing. 2 of these men I've gotten to know as ship board friends (actual friendship not onboard romance as that is now out the window for me anyway). However, I've gotten to know these 2 well enough to let them know my issue. BOth are great and even with "smooze" dances which I love doing, they give me some body space at the waist area and we are comfortably close at the top (by my control). However, I have had a few of these guys I don't know so well hold me way too close and I have flat out had to say "I have a wound at waist level and can't be held that close." One guy who was very nice, said don't be afraid to get close, I just said it's not that I just have a stoma. I don't even think he knew what it was but said, OK let's go to plan B and hold a wide frame with our arms. He proceeded to steer me around the dance floor and we looked super. This guy asked no questions, I think was clueless about what a stoma was, but quickly switched gears and being devoted to helping women look good on the dance floor, made me look good with Plan B.

I was so glad when I saw your post, NOT glad that you have to have an ostomy of course, but comforted to know that the concern was the same from a guy's point-of-view. Post back to me if you read this. How do you handle the whole dancing thing? The bag in and of itself would not prevent me from being "intimate" with the right man, but I have other pelvic injuries from the surgery that made the subsequent ileo necessary so I am out of the running for physical intimacy. I just wondered from a guy's point-of-view, if you really loved a girl and connected with heart and soul, is there a guy out there that would settle for hugging, kissing, dancing and emotional intimacy. THis is a question that I have nobody else to ask this of. What are your general thoughts on this, or any guesses. It's hard for me to even post this question, but I guess this is the place to ask what we need to ask.

Sincerely, Rosemary

Rosemary-im not a guy, but i think there are men out there who would be fine with what you are talking about, there are, of course other ways of intimacy. I shall not go into detail, lol. I think if you found a man who was worth your time he would understand!

summerstorm said...
That just made me think something totally inappropriate...Is that an ostomy in your pocket...?

haha, I was thinking the same thing when I went to post that, which is why i thought i'd specify that the stoma wasn't in my pants! hahaha

esoR said...
How do you handle the whole dancing thing?

Hi Rosemary! Um well I haven't actually danced since my operation. I only really ever dance when I've been drinking at parties and night clubs. I haven't been out into town to any clubs since my operation and haven't been to any parties since either (well, none that had people dancing anyway). So I don't really know about how it will affect my dancing yet.

I'm currently waiting for this black elastic waist band thing in the mail which I'll most definitely wear to keep my bag from showing when I dance (and well, all the time as i can see the outline of my bag through some of my shirts if i dont wear a tight singlet underneath). A lot of the photo's of me dancing at parties show me with my arms up and my shirt up showing a fair bit of skin. So I'm definitely going to have to wear a band when I go out dancing as everyone will see my bag when I do.

esoR said...
I just wondered from a guy's point-of-view, if you really loved a girl and connected with heart and soul, is there a guy out there that would settle for hugging, kissing, dancing and emotional intimacy.

Short answer: Yes!

Now for the story...

It is very likely that a close friend of mine cannot have children. She's told me that she frequently worries about rejection because of this. Just last week I told her that while I would like to have children, I'd prefer to be with the girl that I love and not have children then be with someone else and have them. Your question made me think of that. While they are quite different circumstances, my reaction to both situations would be the same:

I would prefer to be with the girl I love and not be physically intimate with her then be physically intimate with someone else. As long as I'm with her, the girl I love, that's all that matters.

I really hope that helps with your question! and thank you for the compliments!