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Surgery is selfish!

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Posted 5/27/2011 5:08 PM (GMT 0)
So there is a lady that comes into my office, she is a representative, I don't really care much for her. I see her every month or so. Apparently she came in while I was at my surgeon's appointment yesterday. She came back in today and of course was being nosey. I am very open and have no issue or shame in telling her what was going on. She stated that surgery for constipation was a little ridiculous. It is selfish of me to have the surgery becaue I can live with it, it isn't life threatening(also, that my diet isn't all that good, how does she know?!!!). That being without my daughters(which I already worry about) at the hospital is selfish. I know they need their mom but they need a healthy mom. Then she said that with all the time off work and with the cost of surgery I would be spending too much money on something that didn't need to be done. Plus (thanks for mentioning), that I could never be the same with complications or even die. She said I should just deal with it. I know I can't do that, I am in too much pain and discomfort but she really made me feel like crap about myself. Maybe I should just wait until my daughters are older? This job pays less than my last job so we are doing fine but this would set us back for savings and such. She made me feel like I am such a burden. I am really upset, I don't usually let other people get me like this but she struck a nerve:(
Posted 5/27/2011 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
In my opinion people like this lady shouldn't talk about things they don't understand. Until you walk in someone's shoes (which really can't happen exactly) they don't know what you go through.
I have the opposite problem from you and I go too much. No one is going to tell me that I shouldn't have surgery so I can have a life! I've had a hard time making this decision and I'm sticking to it now. You're so right that your girls need a healthy mom! I say go for it and get your life back, after you have recovered think of the things you'll be able to do with your girls and for yourself.
I think we all worry that we are putting too much of a burden on our families etc. But when you stop to think about it if it was your partner or your kids wouldn't you want them to feel good and not be miserable or miss out on things all the time? Everyone deserves to be happy and HEALTHY!!! Don't let ignorant people get you down.
SOmetimes I wonder why people can't understand how hard it is to NEVER feel good. It sure isn't easy to push yourself to do the things you do, in fact I find it draining and exhausting.
I think you are a very strong capable woman and should do what you need to to get your life back and be happy! Feeling good equals better quality of life and more smiles!
Posted 5/27/2011 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
Yea, I know it was just ignorance but she happened to address those things that I do(all of us do)worry about. Good luck to you!
Posted 5/27/2011 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
Excellent judgement in not particularly liking this woman..... go with that.

Of course we all have doubts.... it's a hard decision, and you need to talk to people about it, but not people who think they already know what's best for you.

I had one person who read my blog ... didn't know me very well, but I'd invited her on at one point. She started writing messages about how surgery was a mistake, that I'd regret it, that I'd make funny noises, that instead I should change my job and teach online so I wouldn't have to leave the house etc. I finally told her she had to stop or I was going to block her.... that she meant well, but she made her point, and it was my responsibility -- if the surgery turned out to be a mistake, it would not be her fault.

And just because I know you are having doubts, let me say in caps -- IT IS NOT SELFISH TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN HEALTH!!!! You will be a better mother, partner, co worker, friend, etc. if you are feeling better.

This woman's thoughts should have zero influence on your decision. She is just assuming constipation for you is the same as for her, and is not listening. Who knows why she feels so strongly, but whatever it is, has nothing to do w/you.

Drag that there are so many insensitive people in the world.....
Posted 5/27/2011 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
What a witch! Some people just don't have the brains they were born with. So rude and ignorant to try to come off as an expert about something she knows absolutely nothing about. She must be a fun person to be around....NOT.

I can understand how that could get under your skin. Do NOT give her one more second of your precious time and thoughts...she is not worth it believe me.
Posted 5/27/2011 8:30 PM (GMT 0)
She is not real pleasant.lol It is ok, she doesn't matter and everyone who does completely supports me:)
Posted 5/27/2011 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
have your surgery, be as "selfish" as you want, and next time that lovely women comes in your office, "accidentally" have a huge leak all over her! 

But really, i worried about all those things too, but in the end, being healthy is much more important in the long run then spending a bit of time away from your family now.  i hated spending that time away from my son, but in the long run, ive been able to spend much more time with him.  and yes it costs a lot, and i hated that too, but in the long run, without all the meds and such, it also costs less.

you are right that her opinion doesn't matter, that only the people who are important to you matter!

Posted 5/27/2011 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
Un-be-lieve-able! Please don't let her get to you. She has no idea what you've been through or how good you could feel after surgery.

Does she think that people are selfish when they have surgery to remove a cancerous tumor? Or what about people who spend hours away from their families each week to exercise? What's so wrong with doing things in order to be healthy? The end result is that you're going to be a happy and healthy wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, employee, all for other people, which is not being selfish at all! :-)
Posted 5/28/2011 1:24 PM (GMT 0)
what a miserable person...they really get under my skin!!

Be as selfish as you need to be to get your quality of life back!!! The time apart from your children is TEMPORARY and the cost can be managed with your hospital if you cannot pay the bill when due...BUT you can NEVER get the time lost sitting on the sideline of life:(

(((HUGS))) you are SOOOOooooo doing the right thing for your family!
Posted 5/28/2011 6:10 PM (GMT 0)
can't believe some ppl....... the nerve.... if she just felt for only one week how ppl with CI feel, i think she would stay in bed that whole week!! it's so easy to judge others, untill you're in their shoes!

if i had met that woman, i would give her a peace of my mind!! you're doing THE most right thing and shouldn't let ANYONE make you feel differently!
Posted 5/31/2011 4:21 AM (GMT 0)
I think the reason people feel that way about our type of surgery is because you can't see outward signs of how miserable you feel inside. I mean if you see someone covered in sores and boils you know that that can't feel pleasant. But when it's something like constipation or diarrhea which everyone experiences at some point, they just think that you are having a normal episode and it can't possibly be that bad. BUT IT IS!!! I used to get funny looks all the time when i'd use my handicap placard when my anemia was really bad and going shopping was an exhausting experience (I'm 26) but they don't know how tired and awful I feel since they can't see it. So tell that lady to shove it. Surgery is not selfish. If it will improve the quality of your life, than you will become only a better person and mother. People who haven't experienced it don't know anything, so just ignore her and don't feel bad about having surgery.
Posted 5/31/2011 9:24 AM (GMT 0)
How ignorant!! Judgemental cow. I suppose this is a lesson in not to share personal stufff with nasty ppl. (I am the same - i dont mind who knows what). it is because you are suffering and vulnerable that you have responded this way...... when you are well - and you will be - you can tell her to stick it where the sun dont shine and say how fantastic life is... she wont like that and in life she will get back what she gives out dont worry.
Posted 5/31/2011 11:57 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much. I am over what she said. I was upset at the moment but I haven't had a good day in months, I know I need this done. I am missing out on too much! Good luck to you all.
Posted 6/14/2011 4:01 AM (GMT 0)
I want to punch her too!!! Oh my that is too much to stand!! How dare she. Talk about selfish, she sounds like she thinks the world revolves around her and she can understand (which doesn't sound like much)

Please be strong. Please stay here and be comforted. I'd hug you and tell you to hang in.

Some people are so clueless it's amazing they can survive living. I guess the best thought in my head says,
"Her trials will come"

God bless.
Posted 6/14/2011 3:34 PM (GMT 0)
Very selfish. My kids are happy that I had mine done. I am not in the bathroom as much as before. They have only one problem with me and (Buttons) I tend to tell the kidos what color my poop is after I try something new. The laugh it off as long as I do not show it to them. Get what ever needs to be done and do not care what others say. i have had many people who do not understand my issues say "is this temporary? dont you want to go normally?" I tell them NO WAY!!! my life is so much easier than it was before. Trixiemom
Posted 6/14/2011 6:14 PM (GMT 0)
I don't consider it abnormal at all...hubby just has a new normal now and one that is working very well and has healed very well too. Can't ask for any more than that considering the pain, suffering, urgency & frequency he lived with for too many years to the point he stayed in more than he ventured out. Life is so much better now all around.
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