how to tell someone about the colostomy?!

Great questions!! I too, have wondered the same things!

If he really likes you, it won't bother him, I would just tell what a colostomy is, why you have it, and that should start the conversation, I wish I could give you more and better advice.

My suggestion- find an actor or actress who has crohns and pop in a movie with them in it. Casually bring up- "oh do you know so and so has crohns? Do you know much about it? I have it, this is what I've been though." Etc etc. Go from there. See how curious and understanding he is about it.
Shannon Daughtery has it.
Good luck. Keep us updated.

I can relate to this and hope this helps.
I separated from my wife about 6 months ago now on a amicable basis and it was nothing to do with my stoma, well it was to the intent that the better i got from surgery then the less we did together and we just grew apart.
But i have been on a few dates since, some good and one very very good! I have met a cracker of a girl and we hit it off straight away and things are great! I told her on the second date, over dinner and just after tenpin bowling,to be honest i was bricking it!
I told her about my ilness and that i had an op but seeing as she is a nurse she kind of knew then that i had a stoma. She said she was shocked, then held my hands and looked at me and said that i was amazing and it doesnt change a single thing, infact it makes me feel special that you can tell me. It was a huge weight of my mind! Once i started talking about it it just came out.
My advice is:
Just be yourself, be honest ,get to know them abit and have some fun and you will know when the time is right for the big confession.
If you give off negative vibes and say how horrible it is then they will propably not be intersted in you, if you say its no big deal, have a joke about it then they most likely will see pass it.
One of the things I said to her was" Who wants normal,normals boring" and she totally agreed.
Dating again was my only concern but now its just given me even greater confidence, get out there and go for it as you will never know unless you try!
I wish you well

ROF

In my case I have had many successful relationships after recieving my ostomy and positive sexual encounters, but it seems I take a different approach. I use tricks and control the environment to hide my bag from people I'm only casually having intercourse with, whereas when I am in an emotional relationship I usually end up telling them without too much concern or worry. As a sidenote: I don't hide it from my casual flings out of shame, more out of a sense that I don't reveal all of myself to someone unless I care about them deeply.

Anyway, when it comes to telling someone you are in a relationship with about it: my best advice is not to only have a serious conversation about your process with the disease and surgeries, but also anything else that has been difficult in your life that you faced, and maybe consider asking your partner about their past and what they have overcome in life. I trend towards life and philosophy as regular conversations with my emotional partners, so it always comes up without me having to plan it out.

When I'm asked about my hospitalizations I know by how I feel if the person is someone I want to tell. When I told my current boyfriend it was in the same conversation that he told me about his mental disorder, and how it had affected him and what his hospitalizations were like. It was a very close moment and a conversation like that will make almost any relationship stronger. Most people will see you as a stronger person for having it, and I have been told by many people in my life that "if anything, it makes you more beautiful". Which is absolutely true for people with an ostomy. When I first started out I wasn't nearly as positive about it, but as Marilyn Monroe said: "If you can't love me at my worst, then you don't deserve my best" which i take to heart.

Basically, if you start a conversation about your past and what you both have been through in life, it will come up and it will be a good opportunity to show your partner that not only do you trust them, but that you also want to be there for anything they have been through. I hope this has helped :)




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I'm an 18 year old female and was first diagnosed the Winter 2009
had an emergency colon removal January of 2010.
had a colostomy for about a year with the J-pouch formation
ostomy take down surgeries.
A few months after my ostomy take down my j-pouch failed and I had many complications.
Now i have a permanent ostomy and I'm living life without too many difficulties (besides that of the regular senior soon heading off to college! lol)

"I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and clothes on my back. Today is a good day"
(I get this qoute is completely accurate for some people with Chrons/UC but just enjoy the sentiment.
Mkay? Mkay.

Ring of fire, where are you from, if you don't mind me asking, you have some intersting expressions!

Post Edited (summerstorm) : 11/14/2012 3:01:41 PM (GMT-7)

I was diagnosed with UC

As a teenager my group of peers can be one of the most judgemental bunches, so as soon as I got comfortable with my ostomy I had to face the facts that many people would not be. I have a descent sex-drive (i mean, lets be real here.) so i knew i'd have to be able to still have sex without letting all my partners know about it.

The easiest trick for females (i don't know much about male tricks with this) is to be on the bottom and keep the room dark with the covers over both of your bodies, making it so that the intimacy as far as the are seeing is mainly your upper body, as far as their wandering hands go, most men like a woman that will take charge, so if they wander about 5 inches near it i redirect their hand (for instance putting it in my hair to indicate i would like it to be pulled, or to the chest area)
Another trick is to wear a tight long tank top, the fold from it being bunched up can hide the shape of the bag, and if you aren't comfotable with telling them, explaining that you have surgery scars will normally make them stop questioning why (if they do at all) simply empty the bag or make sure it's been a few hours after eating, and fold the bottom half up and on the side close to your stomach, then tuck it inside the tank top. There are also many mesh undershirts that do this well and allow the girl to be on top if she chooses.

sorry for the vivid imagery, i just wanna be as discriptive as possible so i can help you guys understand my tricks. :)