Surgery tomorrow!

It's finally here... Tomorrow I will have my rectum removed, my j-pouch constructed, and a new loop ileostomy formed.

Today I'm on clear liquids only but NO BOWEL PREP, phew! Sipping on some apple juice and iced tea. I've only been fasting for about five waking hours but I'm already starving!! Patience, grasshopper...

All that remains for today is to pack my bag for the hospital, take a shower with antibacterial soap (and wash my hair... oh how I hate 'hospital hair'!), and telephone to find out my call time. Hoping for the early one, let's get this over with!!!

I think I've been through the wringer of every emotion you can have between surgeries leading up to now... Of course right after my first surgery I couldn't imagine living with an ostomy for 6+ months and all I wanted to do was schedule my second surgery as soon as the surgeon was willing. Then things got so great, and I got so scared of complications, that I seriously considered ditching the j-pouch entirely and keeping my ileostomy forever. Part of that is that I felt (and still feel) very indignant about prejudices against ostomies, especially because I'm a young woman, and people say crap like "it's a shame for a young girl like you to have an ostomy." Uh, it's a shame for ANYONE to be housebound and unable to work or enjoy life and maybe even die from IBD! (I think I just plagiarized mrsbugzy's signature ) I had a lot of insecurities and felt that my friends and family were only encouraging me to get the j-pouch because they were disgusted by my ileo. I ended up getting a referral to a counselor through my job who helped me work through all of this and realize that as anxious as I am, #1 I am a perfect candidate for a j-pouch, #2 a functioning j-pouch would improve my quality of life, #3 the success rates are actually great (CC retrospective study shows only 3% of pouches fail, my surgeon's rate of pouch failure is more like 2%), and #4 I would regret it if I didn't move forward.

Since I came to those conclusions and re-committed to surgery #2 I've been trying to get out there and live life to the fullest and enjoy as much as possible all the things I know I'll have to put on the backburner again, and I think I have. I've run, biked, danced, used my abs; eaten raw veggies, nuts, and my favorite verboten foods pickles and olives!!; drank black coffee and tea by the gallon and reasonable amounts of alcohol. I've had SO MUCH FUN and... now it's time for surgery. So I'm impatient. Let's just do it already!!

Thanks in advance for entertaining my ramblings now (and most likely later today, tomorrow, from the recovery room, from my hospital bed... etc).

Good luck with your surgery and do keep us posted

Good Luck, Liz!! I've been thinking about you today, and will continue to do so in the days to come. Your attitude and ability to heal both seem to be strong and positive, so I am sure you will have NO problems at all.

And I just have to say, AMEN to what you said about prejudices surrounding ostomies. Although I was a good candidate for a J pouch, I hardly considered it, and just went for the end ileosotmy. This decision alone had a lot of people questioning me, which was frustrating enough. And now, I have heard more than once, "awww....you are too young to have a bag", and other variations of this comment. What the heck does that even mean?? Age has nothing to do with...nobody deserves to be sick and housebound, to have to choose major, life altering surgeries in order to live a happy, normal life again...but we do, and we do it well, and surely don't need pity! I am proud of my stoma and my bag because they represent the choice I made to take my life back...they saved my life! I will not hide it, or refuse to talk about it, or be ashamed in any way.

OK....I could rant on about this forever, but I know you all understand. Looking forward to hearing from you soon, Liz!!

Best of luck. It's not a massive secret I would go for a j-pouch if I was a candidate, but I have to say I've been fortunate in one respect: other people's reactions. Sometimes I think I'm the most self-conscious one about my ileo, because nobody else around me seems to notice it. People have been quite down-to-earth about my operation; no patronising or horrified-sounding comments. The only two people I'm not sure who know what I have are my two nephews: I don't know what their parents have told them and they have never asked me about my operation. If they asked, I would be honest but I'm not going to tell them otherwise.

I suppose there are some advantages to being nearly 40 and utterly unfeminine: I imagine pretty 20-year-olds would get a lot more of the "oh, it's such a dreadful shame" type comments.

One thing I massively agree with is the comparison to IBD. Yes, having a bag is crap and not exactly the ideal, but why anybody would think it's a shame to have a bag and not a shame to have IBD is beyond me. This disease used to kill people in the past. I wouldn't wish UC or Crohn's on anyone, such crappy diseases on more than one level.

Anyway, again, best of luck :p

good luck Liz !

Good Luck Liz. Check in when you're up to it.

Liz. Good luck!! Your blog got me through my first step and my thoughts are with you all day tomorrow. Though I know you're gonna be awesome!

Thanks everybody!! Laying in the holding area waiting my turn... OR is running about 90 minutes late. They sedated me to insert my epidural, during which time I apparently sent some hilarious texts I don't remember, but it's worn off :) Doc says he expects to come out and chat with my parents in 5.5 hours. Twiddling my thumbs...

Good luck!!
B

All went well but super exhausted. More tomorrow!

Liz,

How are you feeling today??? Hope all went well, and that you are as happy with your j-pouch as I am mine :)

Just remember to take it easy on the food..and don't try and fart until you are on the potty!! I was not prepared for random leaking (it doesn't take long to get under control..) Just be warned, it can happen..

and any plagerism is forgiven ;)

awesome!!!@  keep up the good work...thanks for posting too

Glad to hear things went well!