I am done with this board

"I am sorry you're feeling so badly about this board. From one "negative nancy" to another, I know exactly what you're saying about feeling like everyone just wants to hear what a wonderful bowl of cherries life is with the stoma, and when someone says otherwise, they are obviously screwed up in the head and in need of mental help (though, to be honest, I think an unbiased opinion from a professional is usually a good idea). From an outsiders perspective, it's very difficult for me to imagine life being that peachy after a major surgery with life-long physical implications. It's great that many people feel that way - it's really not for us to judge who feels what, it's our goal to support you and help you to get to where you need to be. I understand people not wanting to read negative posts when they are healing or considering surgery but heck, that's what ignore is for and if they are so over it, they shouldn't read posts titled "I am done with this board". Obviously there was nothing positive to read within.
"

Word, Troof right here!

notsosicklygirl said...
I am sorry you're feeling so badly about this board. From one "negative nancy" to another, I know exactly what you're saying about feeling like everyone just wants to hear what a wonderful bowl of cherries life is with the stoma, and when someone says otherwise, they are obviously screwed up in the head and in need of mental help (though, to be honest, I think an unbiased opinion from a professional is usually a good idea). From an outsiders perspective, it's very difficult for me to imagine life being that peachy after a major surgery with life-long physical implications. It's great that many people feel that way - it's really not for us to judge who feels what, it's our goal to support you and help you to get to where you need to be. I understand people not wanting to read negative posts when they are healing or considering surgery but heck, that's what ignore is for and if they are so over it, they shouldn't read posts titled "I am done with this board". Obviously there was nothing positive to read within.

sweetbabyray299, i think your comments were uncalled. Negative or not, we have a right to express our opinions. Calling someone self-absorbed when they are in need of support is equally as bad as the negativity & it was intentionally hurtful towards a member. Not appropriate at all.

Excellent post!

I don't see negativity, though - I see realism. I see situations that are difficult, challenging and so often painful and isolating.

Post Edited (nenagirl) : 5/21/2013 11:02:54 AM (GMT-6)

I think the problem is that most people use this board for advice on specifics and or emotional support and not strictly for venting purposes. So, if you come to vent and don't want any advice on how to make your situation better, I suppose you need to be clear. Perhaps you were and I missed that (I don't read here very often).
I personally am very depressed and I don't think I'm the only one. I use the HW boards to ask very specific questions and get answers from usually very knowledgeable posters. I don't use it for emotional support or for venting, because I know that's not going to achieve anything for me and that's just not how I function. Others do and that's great but I think when you post and others respond (taking time trying to help) and then you lash out on them (perhaps without intending to or realizing it even) then they get slightly pissed and I can see why.
What's the point of posting here or anywhere if you don't want feedback? Perhaps just venting is enough for you? If so, I think that's again due to a difference in our understanding of what a support board is for. I'm not saying one understanding is better than the other but that this conflict highlights this difference.
Is it the case that you want to express your feelings about your situation and want to advice in return other than commiseration? If so, I apologize as I too offered advice. I responded in the way I would have wanted others to respond to me had I posted what you had and that's all I think anyone here is doing.
It's true, no one wants to listen to a depressed person (regardless of what they say). I know that to be the case in my real life, and that's the truth about any situation. People can only take so much and then they will expect you (or me or anyone else) to get on with it in some way. Otherwise they'll stop listening, and that's the point I suspect some (not all) are at.
I do enjoy reading your posts as they're well written and I think many can relate to what you have to say even if they don't share your outlook or approach. But, after a few posts, when we're all dealing with our own very serious issues, I don't really have the energy or ability really to respond appropriately. As for venting I suppose I can tolerate too much of it it as it makes me feel worse. I suppose that's our friends and family run from us after a while IRL as it's just too much. Can't blame them though it certainly does suck. But, like others have said, no one has to read anything anyone else has written and there is that "ignore" button after all. I wish you well

A hit'n'run post this time, folks. Got to leave in 10 minutes. Let's see if I can manage to get to the cinema this time <_<. (Was meant to go last week, but missed it due to being too depressed to go. Will be seeing Star Trek Into Darkness.)

Agreed entirely with Somedude, soystud, nenagirl and mostly with killcolitis.

@Amythst - There is no PM function on this site >_<. That's the one thing I wish it had, tbh. Although there is always the chatroom (the one which nobody ever goes into) or email.

@SilentLucidity - I think it's more my skin underneath the wafer which is the problem at the moment. (Although leaks too are becoming more of an issue than they were.) It's becoming increasingly sore and irritated, and I really don't know how to tackle that. I am actually seeing the stoma nurse tomorrow, so I hope she can come up with a few decent suggestions. I think I may need a new bag as well, although the Coloplast ones always seem to leak on me (returned to Dansac. Again.)

Okay, gotta really go now. Laters folks :p

Yum, that dessert sounds decadent. Take it when you can get it.... great that you enjoyed it.

No PM function? What the heck! :D

If you do actually want the stuff just email me at [email protected]

Oh sugar. Sorry Amythyst, I forgot to reply here or via email :-/

@trackrunner12 - Thanks, but I'm not like most of the people on this board. I don't feel like my life is vastly better. It's been over 3 months since surgery, and I still feel absolutely done in most of the time. I also find the stoma almost as time-consuming as the Crohn's.

So yeah, pointless telling me about the virtues of surgery 'cos I don't feel that way. I went for a stoma because I felt it was better than dying of toxic megacolon or spending the rest of my life on high doses of Pred and destroying various systems one by one. But otherwise, yeah, I'd choose to live with Crohn's than with a stoma.

Thanks, morethanuc.

No, I haven't gone out with anyone who doesn't know I have a stoma :-/ I do get a bit self-conscious about my bag showing. Since the surgery, I have changed my clothes, partly because I put on some weight and now my old trousers don't fit, and partly because I'm trying to hide the bag. I'd prefer to go back to my old clothes, tbh, rather than have to develop a whole new style.

I dunno about feeling 'normal'. I just feel like surgery is crap and having a stoma is crap.

Edit: Sorry, I'm fatigued and thusly crabby from a fish'n'chips lunch with my nice but exhausting family earlier... :-/

Post Edited (NiceCupOfTea) : 6/3/2013 4:59:27 PM (GMT-6)

mrsbugzy - No need to apologise, truly. I'm just crabby at times :-/

Thank you, and I hope you feel better soon as well.