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Posted 7/3/2013 3:46 AM (GMT 0)
Can't tell if it's normal post-surgery stuff (I'm 2 months out now) or a lot of big emotions surrounding my upcoming takedown (probably both), but I've been SO emotional this week. No it's not that time of the month either! I think every single night I've had a cry that just came out of nowhere. Tonight I was coming out of the subway near my house listening to a pretty song and tears started welling up right there on the sidewalk.

Um... well that's it really. I'll also take this moment to point out that loop ileos are super annoying compared to ends. I've fallen back to a schedule of changing every two days instead of three or four because on each change I keep finding a new small area of irritation. They seem to heal in between changes but they move around! I sense I need to cut my wafer a bit smaller instead of relying so much on the barrier ring, as it seems to degrade pretty quickly with all of the expanding and contracting of the loop. I also suspect I could find a better system (e.g. finally trying polishdan's magic compound wink) but with only 29 days to go I'd rather change frequently and stick with "the devil I know."
Posted 7/3/2013 4:07 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Liz...I can relate to that. I am a guy so it definitely doesn't have anything to do with the time of the month. Between my surgeries I had become quite emotional. I never really broke down and cried, but I'd get teary-eyed watching movie and I kept thanking my folks and wife and sister for all that they were doing for me md kept telling them I love them.

Now I am almost three months post-takedown and I am back to being e selfish md emotionless man I was...in fact, being sick with UC made me calmer and more caring of others....I think. I need find that nice me again.

29 more days to go...hang in there!!!!
Posted 7/3/2013 9:43 AM (GMT 0)
oh i can def relate. after my colectomy i got really emotional and was crying 100% of time, including during sleeping (i'd always wake up with tears in my eyes already, either i woke up during the night or in the morning). i cried ALL the time! at home, on the street, on the bus, all day at work and during sleeping! i couldnt stop the tears from pouring, even when i was laughing. it was so weird. it was overwhelming and exhausting.

it's a very hard journey, Liz, and the reaction is normal (well mine was too much obviously). time is the word. and healing. hopefully soon you'll get through this successfully and i promise things will settle down with time.

i have a loop ileo too (about to have it turned into an end one). i use coloplast sensura convex + hollister's adapt rings. i cut the wafer very close to the stoma. it can stay for at least 9-10 days, but i change once a week.

i wish you best of luck with your upcoming takedown.
Posted 7/3/2013 11:11 AM (GMT 0)
I cried every day between my surgeries. The whole process is very stressful and emotional and it takes its toll on you. I didn't feel like my old self again until after takedown. Then everything went back to normal....well, my new normal. :)
Posted 7/3/2013 11:39 AM (GMT 0)
I have great days and some are soooo emotional, I cannot have a second surgery due to complications so this ileo is for life. Sometimes I just want to cry and get mad, other times it's fine, I have to remind myself ...this surgery saved my life.
Posted 7/3/2013 1:04 PM (GMT 0)
Understandable for emotions to run all over the place.

In my husband's case it is permanent and he honestly has accepted and adjusted to it just fine which of course is a big relief for me.

In the past few months I have encountered several surprising health issues/concerns. Got various tests and Dr appts lined up to hopefully properly diagnose things. My emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE right now so when it comes to your health and adjusting to changes we all handle things differently.

In the back of my mind I keep thinking hubby needs me more and I so want to remain healthy and not have debilitating issues to contend with. Hopefully all will work out. I am keeping a low profile and trying not to get too crazy about all this but it's not easy.

So enjoy the good days and when you need your own little personal "pity party" here and there just go with it. All part of how we cope and handle things.
Posted 7/3/2013 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
All of the above. Plus you may have gotten emotionally attached to your stoma, although some people may find that hard to believe. I was surprised when I realized I was in a relatinship with it. I'd named it 'crazy puppy from outer space' and I swear, crazy puppy was talking to me the night before take-down and wanted us to stay home just the two of us. Problem was friends were coming to pick me up, but I didn't stay out too late and we got the quality time later.

I also had occasional (or frequent) crying fits the whole 12 months.

You've been through a lot, and being a brave soldier through debilitating illness, and then making an extremely profound adjustment to anatomy and body functions, well, we could be crying more than we do.
Posted 7/3/2013 4:45 PM (GMT 0)
Just wanted to thank everyone for all of your thoughtful responses... I think it is a bit of everything. On top of everything else I have been waiting until after takedown to make some other major life changes (making a big career change, but scared of doing so until I feel reasonably confident my medical stuff is under control) so I have a lot riding on how takedown goes, so to speak...

B'D I totally know how you feel about the stoma. I'm kind of sick of dealing with the loop (I went out to dinner with my friends last night and I had to use the bathroom TWICE during the meal to empty my pouch... it wasn't full either time but I knew after I left the restaurant I wouldn't have a convenient place to empty for a long time...) but also feel very attached to my ostomy. I'm having a hard time imagining being without it! Unlike a lot of you I never got in the habit of showering naked, so I haven't been bagless for more than 5 minutes (except for during surgery) since January.

UCW it's good to hear from you wink I think being sick made me kinder too... Still that way... Maybe after takedown I will get to go back to being a b* too! Hahaha, just kidding.
Posted 7/4/2013 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
liz.. relax. you have gone through a so much. No need to be the tough one all the time. What you are feeling is so normal for all of us. Right now, clear the mind, get some peace, rest up before takedown. no worries about the future right now. Its just not necessary. your health and well being are the most important. deep breathing. relax. Its gonna be ok.
luv.
ddd45
Posted 7/6/2013 3:46 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Liz, Just try to relax the next couple of weeks. It's a very emotional time. Have fun hanging out with family/friends, go out to eat, stay up late and watch movies. Anything except stressing.

Personally, you've been very inspiring to me. I actually read part of your blog the other day about running and that was the first day post op I ran 8 miles with the help of you and Forrest Gump...

Post Edited (Mossmi33) : 7/5/2013 9:49:31 PM (GMT-6)

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