You will get through it!!
I think I talk a lot about
how much I hated Step 2... but it's kind of a badge of honor for me, and it makes me feel strong to think about
getting through it, so maybe I exaggerate
Mentally I think it's definitely the toughest one. It's a big step back and a lot of work for no immediate pay off. Step 1 is always great because the disease is gone. Step 3 you get to ditch the bag. Step 2 is just like... "wait I was feeling good and now I feel bad again!"
When I woke up after Step 2 and heard that everything went according to plan, that was the first time that I truly realized that I was getting a j-pouch and that my ileostomy wasn't going to be permanent. It didn't "click" for me until the j-pouch was actually part of my body. And that was a really special, positive feeling.
It's a hard surgery, no doubt, but you've got to focus on the positive -- moving forward, getting closer to your goal of *no more surgeries!*, whatever. Attitude is super important! And, let's be honest, if you're going to a better hospital this time, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't find this any harder than Step 1. Your caregivers will be total pros at this kind of op and make your life as easy as possible.
You can worry about
the loop when you wake up (more like when IT wakes up). For now, picture success and know you're going to be fine!