blueglass said...
JLeath, just a thought about why your mom might trigger you so much. I teach college, and I've seen that when a student is sick, if the family is functional at all (which yours clearly is), a parent or parents step in and make appointments, make sure you take your meds, eat well, hold hands, take notes etc. It's all critical and very important when you're sick, but it's the opposite of going away, becoming an adult, and the other transitions people are ordinarily hope to have happen with college. It also sounds like you're frustrated with your friends who have been able to spend more time partying, exploring relationships etc.
It sounds to me like your rage is about what you've missed out on, and it's probably got a fair amount of grief mixed in (for many people, young men especially, grief comes out as rage). Besides reminding you of how you had to be a kid when you wanted to be a college student, your mom is also a safe target, because she is going to love you and stand by you no matter what, and this is a time where you have so many feelings and don't know how to express them.
Of course, I don't know you, and some of this might be off. But you've really been through a lot. I hope you can get some therapy to help you figure out what to do with all that's happened to you.
Great that you're coaching and editing the newspaper. You are doing "normal" activities.....
I hope you're getting a lot of exercise.... that can help a lot too. Hang in.... it's very hard, but you can get to a better place, and you don't have to do it alone.
You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I feel like I've missed out on so much and that I can't just slide back into normalcy. I constantly am reminded/remind myself of what I went through. I need to get to a point where it is simply just the past