Having issues excepting my husband's ileostomy

My husband has had his ileostomy for a month and I can't get over it. I thought I would be ok with it but I got one look at it right after surgery and was repulsed. I told him for the time being I don't want to see it. I would really like to forget it is there. What is the matter with me. I should be there for him. This has got to be a bigger deal for him then it is for me.
Here is alittle back story so everyone doesn't think i am just an uncaring women. My husband has had chrons for the whole 15 years we have been married
I married him in sickness and health and I have stuck to it. His mother even asker me on our wedding day if I was ready for it because once I said i do all his medical problems became my problem and they would be done. I have sat with him for years at every doctors appointment every surgery never leaving his side. Even this surgery I stayed with him as much as possible driving three hours back and forth to the hospital when I did hAve to leave. I had no problem with him drains for fistula.
I have raised our three children basically as a single mother because most the time he couldn't move from the couch. Or just didn't want to.
they told me at the hospital that I would have to help him adjust to a normal life again. But what is that? While he does watch our 18 month old son now while I am at work which helps alot since I don't have to pay for da care now. That is about it. He still doesn't go anywhere with us. He always has an excuse.
but back to the issue. The one thing we have always done right is sex.... hince the three kids. But now I don't want to be around him in that way. We have three times but every time I could feel the back or hear it and was just wanted to get it over with. I can't hug him or sit with him on the couch because I am always worried I am going to bump it or do something wrong. Will I ever get over this.

I think it will take time for both you and him to adjust. This is a big deal. Something that has the potential to really change how active he is. Have you really talked to him about why you are scared or uncomfortable? Have you asked him why he doesn't want to go out? Maybe he's still worn out from surgery or he's scared to go out in public because he's not used to this new system and stuff. The biggest thing you need is good communication with him. Talk about your fears and his fears.

The next biggest is education…about the new system, about things like "what if I bump it?" or "will i hurt it?" , all those fears. From what I understand (i'm having my surgery late Jan., so I haven't experienced it first-hand yet), is that it takes quite a lot to pull off the bag or damage it or whatever. Giving him a hug isn't going to damage anything. I would think maybe he still has some pain and stuff from the surgery, but that will fade with time.

Bottom line: It will take time to adjust. Don't give up on it. Let your husband know you are there for him, but that it will also take you a bit to adjust to this big change.

good luck.

From your post, I can't tell whether the bag or his lack of desire to do anything is the bigger issue? I understand the bag is something we are not used to seeing, and it's not ideal, a working colon is ideal but sometimes you have to put perfection aside and do what is going to give you the ability to live how you want to live. It sounds to me like, maybe if he were more active and took initiative to do something other than sit on the couch, maybe you would have more interest in getting over the bag? In my opinion, you should start there. The bag isn't going to go anywhere but his attitude could change. He could be more helpful and more proactive about teaching you how you can interact with him without causing any issues. I am sure the bag isn't really that fragile. As much as it may seem icky, it's completely sealed and it should be able to take a bump. If his isn't, he needs to see an ostomy nurse and get some training. I think you guys have other issues to work on and that's why the bag is bothering you so much :(

It sounds like you want to work on your marriage, but I could be wrong. If you do want to work on things, you have to explore intimacy and sex with your husband now that he has an ostomy. I didn't have sex with my husband until about two months after the surgery but we were still affectionate, kissing, hugging, touching. If this part of intimacy is lacking, you need to discuss it. He probably feels insecure and senses that you are not comfortable. Maybe a pouch cover would help or trying other positions? I agree counseling would help explore all of the issues you both are having. However, if you feel the marriage is over, you need to be honest with him as well.