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Posted 10/5/2007 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
Concern #1--I always empty right before bed, but by early morning like 5am, may bag is always 1/2 full and completely filled with air. I'm scared one of these times it might pop. So I really have not gotten to enjoy very many nights of continuous sleep. Ideas?

Concern #2--I fear that once I start wearing jeans again, that again the bag will get too tight in the pants and pop. How does it feel or work when you are sitting down and it starts to collect, doen't it get to be a tight fit in the pants. I tried a pair of my jeans on the other I just feel like there is no way there is going to be enough room for contents to go in the bag. I just dont understand how it is going to work.

Posted 10/5/2007 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
I always have a full bag overnight too, no matter when I eat (but some people have had good luck eating their big meal at lunch and an early light dinner at night). Guess I have just gotten used to waking up and emptying it and going back to bed.

I didn't think that I would EVER be able to wear my favorite jeans again, but I can. And they are snug. It all kind of distributes evenly in the bag and you just get used to knowing when it's time to empty. It will take some time ...
Posted 10/5/2007 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
#3--I think reality is setting in. I think I'm having first bout of depression over the bag. Anyone else get depressed? As I was channel surfing today, I stopped on Rihanna's video Pon de Replay and I watched her dance with her sexy, flat, toned mid-drift exposed--I was instantly sad and crying. Thinking "it's not fair" "why me" of course your not going to see a bag of poop hanging from her belly as she dances around and I just instantly missed my "old tummy". How do I get over this sadness? Prozac?

P.S.--I will let you into my personal life a little more--in high school I was on homecoming and prom courts, cheerleader, vollyball, softball, lifeguarded for 3 years and from the ages of 21-25 I was a "dancer". Yes in a strip bar, but I gave up dancing at 25 when I became pregnant and so looks and figure has always meant everything to me. I know superficial and petty, but the people I grew up around always re-assured me and gave me my confidence and I guess my "big-head". I guess thats why I'm so bothered.
Posted 10/5/2007 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hayleybaby - I know exactly how you feel! I danced for a ballet company in my younger years and was very happy with what it did to my body and I was very self confident about my image. I am going on 6 months now since my surgery and I still can't seem to be comfortable with myself and my partner, and I am depressed also. And yes, I feel shallow about it, which is even more depressing. I am in the process of finding a therapist who specializes in body image. Please email me privately if you just want to dump some more!!!!
Posted 10/5/2007 9:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hayley,

I too was a dancer and this is been a huge blow to my ego...espcially the weight gain and my tummy does not look as flat and tone anymore. Yes, I still still expose my tummy when I workout, but I just do not look as trim as I as did 7 weeks ago. It is ok to cry. I allowed myself to have one good long cry over my bag and then I was done. I am not going to waste any more time throwing myself a pitty-party. Now, it is time for me to buck-up and get over myself. I do wear my favorite jeans and they are tight in my tummy and low cut. No, they do not fit the way the used to. Now, they are really tight in my tummy and I do not like the way they feel on me. Your feelings are normal. It is Ok to have frustrations and to miss the way things used to be. Try to stay optimistic. You do not have to be depressed about having a bag. Why don't you post some of the positive things that you have experienced recently? As far as your bag at night, really there is not much you can do it change the contents filling in your bag at night. You can try to eat a Tbs of peanut butter before bed, but I am not sure it will work. Mine fills about 1/2 way and I get up and empty it. My bag has popped at night..and yes, I have pooped on both my husband and my dogs. There is not much I can do to change my reality so I am just trying to adjust the best way I can.

I hope you feel better about your bag soon. :o)
Posted 10/5/2007 9:36 PM (GMT 0)
Excuse my previous typos....I have had a LONG day...
Posted 10/5/2007 10:14 PM (GMT 0)
.... but don't feel bad if you cry more than once. Everyone is different. And everyone can no longer show their tummy without their bag showing. Amey looks great and she's got hers very low. (have you seen the pictures on photobucket of the group?) And I believe there is a belly dancer in here in this group too. People may disagree with me but I am an advocate for antidepressants, support groups and a lovely Merlot ;-). I would be a basket case if I didn't just get out there and 'do it'. In fact (here's the positive Amey was speaking about) while I am not happy with my ostomy, is has allowed me to do things I haven't done in ages. One month after surgery I went camping. The next week I took my daughter on a 4 day fishing trip. I just got back from a vacation with a 'friend' and I wasn't running to the bathroom or having accidents. (I've only had one leak so far) and I can go to shows to sell my work without panicking. (I just may be packing a 15 pound infant untill I can take care of it and feel about as sensual as a picket fence ... but ...) There's going to be some ups and downs. For some of us it takes awhile but I believe we'll overcome it!
Posted 10/5/2007 10:41 PM (GMT 0)

Hayley,

I have had my bag for a long, long time.  I also had all of these same questions that you are having.  It is ok to ask anything.  You may not get the same answers or any definite answers at all.  Everyone's body is so different. 

For me, NOW, I know that I really should eat an early supper so that I don't have to get up several times in the middle of the night to empty.  My food usually processes fairly quick.  But it depends on what I am eating.  So, if I am going to bed, say around 11 p.m., I like to finish eating supper around 7p.m.  That way, I know that I won't be up too much in the middle of the night.  But I like to snack thru the evening.  So, I up some nights more than others.

As far as the air in the bag, I have pretty much figured out what causes most of my excess air.  Remember, I have had mine a long time - lots of trial and error.  You've heard the usual - gum, drinking thru straws, carbonated drinks, OJ, talking a lot, etc.  Sometimes I get surprises tho!

I wear a 12" length Convatec 2 piece appliance.  I fold it 2 times and it lays against my lower abdomen.   And I wear snug undies so if/when I have activity, it just distributes across the right quadrant of my abdomen.  A girl that I met shortly after surgery recommended I wear it that way.  I tried it and have always worn it that way.  Then at night, if I need the space for air, stool - it will unfold and fill as needed.  I haven't had one pop in the middle of the night, but I am a light sleeper most of the time.

Well, I can wear my tight jeans, but I am not real comfortable in them.  I really like the jeans that have a stretchy material in them.  They look like denim, feel like denim, but they give a bit when you need it.  I'm a believer.  I tend to wear pleated dress pants - again they are more comfortable for me.  And I choose not to show my belly.   I am really kinda short waisted, and my previous surgeries pretty much extend from bone to bone - pretty long scars.  Tho they have nearly faded away now. 

I am so much more healthy now.  I can travel, go shopping, go out to dinner at nearly any restaurant I want, go to Nascar races, work in the yard, go swimming if I want, ride motorcyle with my husband.  I work part time in a large office pretty much on a daily basis, 7:30 - 12:30 or so each day.  We are building a house right now, and I have been doing a lot of physical labor there.

Hayley, take Amey's advice - have a good cry.  Get it out of your system and then wrap your mind around the positives.  You are alive and you will be healthy again.  You will be active and have a good, long life - god willing.  I felt really depressed for a while after mine.  And you know what - you are human.  It's ok.   Being a new Ostomate is a HUGE adjustment.  That's no lie, but you will be just fine.  Don't push yourself and expect too much from yourself OR your stoma. 

We are all here for you.  Even veterans need assistance or have questions now and then.  I learn something new all the time.

Posted 10/5/2007 11:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Haleybaby,

Concern #1, see if you can get a larger bag you can change before bed. If not, you may want to have supper a bit earlier if you can, avoid snacks before bed, and try to avoid gassy foods, eggs, beans, anything that's known for producing alot of gas. If you got to go gassy foods, eat them at lunch. Quite honestly, I'm pretty sure everyone has had a little accident during the night. SO? Who else is going to know besides you and MAYBE you're spouse/partner? I had the same concerns as you. I would wake up in the middle of the night and I thought I could just float over to the bathroom with the amount of gas in there. As time passed, it got less and less. Now I can sleep through the whole night, and my bag is usually a third full. You'd be surprised at how the body can adjust.

Concern #2: Wear looser pants. You'd probably be able to get away with a skirt.

Concern #3: Accept that your body image has changed. I'm quite sure there is more to you than flat abs and a stripper's bod. Start doing things that will help build your confidence. It can be different for each of us. I know for a little while I was a bit put off by my new body image, not to the point of needing prozac, but you could say a bit put out. I had washboard abs before. I used to do some boxing, alot of running, biking, and some weightlifting. Now I have washboard abs and a laundry bag... better than the suffering with UC and the way the prednisone was screwing up my health.

I can also tell you from a guys perspective.... if you had a flat tummy and a stripper's body, that little bag will probably be the last thing on your spouse/partner's mind, if you know what I mean... if he's any measure of a man, it won't matter in the least, believe me.

If you are REALLY feeling down, contact your ET nurse and tell her about it, she may be able to help you or refer you to somebody you can hash it out with.

By the way people, where is this photobucket page? I keep reading about it, but I can't find it. If it's a private thing, let me know so I won't bother about it again.
Posted 10/5/2007 11:27 PM (GMT 0)
It's no secret!

www.photobucket.com
User: Crohnsdisease
Password 6mp3asa

It was created by Gladbag ....
Posted 10/5/2007 11:32 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks badbaggirl, much appreciated.
Posted 10/6/2007 2:26 AM (GMT 0)
hayley-i am a very superficial person too, and before i got married i was out dancing every night (i almost was a stripper, i wish i had have taken that job now!) and i wore very tight, very revealing clothes, of course this was when iw as about 16-22, so you are supposed to do stuff like that.
But anyway, i have always been all about how i look, i have a really good selfesteem when it comes to my looks, but when it comes to the rest of me, like my personatly or what not, i don't think much of myself. I know that's totally whacked, but sometimes things happen that screw you up.
anyway, i thought it would be the most horrible thing in the world and i would never feel pretty again.
but, now five months past, i look better than i have looked in years! my hair is growing back thicker and shiner, my skin has lost it's sickly pale look, my nails are stronger, my eyes aren't dull.
I can wear my fav jeans, they dont' fit right now, but i belive that would be the fault of the two things of icecream i ate the other day, lol. But before that i could wear them just fine. THey are kind of low rise, they are levis 515 (i think) and i just bougth some other ones, stamp 10, ifyou ahve kohls they sell them, and they really work well. When the bag fills u p the stuff just moves around to where it has room. Just stay on top of changing it. Like i went to work tonight and i changed it about 4 hours after i got there.
It's ok to cry, and ok to take prozac, (or some wine, lol) to help you feel better. the best thing to do is when you get sad, try to think of just one thing you can do NOW that you aren't sick, weighed against one thing that you can't do since you have the bag. I do that sometimes and i feel alot better.
as for it filling up at night, i always eat right before i go to bed, and i usually get up once and empty it. but i am used to gettign up and my child will nto sleep through the night anyway, lol.
feel better!
Posted 10/6/2007 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hayley -

I had my surgery just a couple weeks before you. And I had evey single concern that you have. In fact, look for my post titled "I still don't get it - Smooshing your stoma". I asked about the tight clothes, too. I still haven't tried my old jeans, but It's still early for both of us. After we've healed some more, I'm sure you and I will both be back in our old jeans again.
My bag filled with air at night, too. But, in the last week, it has gotten better. In fact, a few nights I didn't have to get up and empty until after 6 AM.
The hardest thing for me has been depression. I am normally a very upbeat person, and I was able to "handle" my UC with humor - even the yucky stuff. So, as aperson who has never been depressed, I was surprised at how it felt to be depressed. Then I got depressed about being depressed. All of this resulted in a lot of crying. I was in the hospital two weeks after surgery, and one day, I cried every time someone walked into my room. The nurses, my aunt, my mother, my husband. I'm talking TONS of crying. I still cry if I think to many negative thoughts. So, I keep a mental list going of positive ones - like how I had a glass of wine and it didn't cause me pain.

And, as a newbie myself, just a couple weeks farther into it than you are, I want you to hear one thing. Everyone, and I mean everyone told me, "You'll be fine, things will get better." My nurses told me, My friends, My family, and the wonderful people here all told me this. "It takes time", they said. And I am learning it is true. But I'm only just starting to believe it. Seriously. It is a hard thing to believe when you're adjusting to a bag of poop hanging off of you. You are learning to take care of it, you're learning to deal with everything, and nothing prepares you for the feelings in you when reality hits. No matter how much time you spend here. So, let all of that out. Cry, scream, get angry. Just let that cr@p out. And, if you ever want to vent do it here, or send me a message. We're so close in surgery dates, I'm sure we'll be going through some of same things around the same time. There's lots of people here for you.

Redspout -

Your comment, "I can also tell you from a guys perspective.... if you had a flat tummy and a stripper's body, that little bag will probably be the last thing on your spouse/partner's mind, if you know what I mean... if he's any measure of a man, it won't matter in the least, believe me." - really made me feel better. It's nice to hear that from a man. My husband keeps insisting that yes, he's still attrcted to me, even with a bag, but I have a hard time believing him. Hearing another man say something so nice helps me believe. It is hard to feel sexy, even with someone I love and trust as much as my husband. I thought he was just saying it because he had too, being my husband and all. Heh.
Posted 10/6/2007 5:57 AM (GMT 0)
You bet sfgiantsjo,
Any guy that would turn away a good woman for something like that... well... she would deserve better, and he would deserve what he gets. Which would be nothing! But if your bag has no bearing on how he feels about you, well then he also deserves what he gets... if you know what I mean...

Basically ladies, what I'm trying to say is that you're still ladies, and nothing else should matter to a real man.
Posted 10/6/2007 2:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hayley,
I too had surgery in early August and the adjustment has not been easy. Friends and family just don't understand because it's not happening to them (as much as they try). If this weren't happening to me, I really don't think that I would understand either. I recently told my husband how much I hate "changing day" because I hate to look at my body and having to deal with this new reality! My stoma is so high-right next to my bellybutton so the appliance pops out of any jeans that I have tried on and shows through shirts (especially when it fills with air). Because I am thin I have to wear Junior size clothes and we all know that the waist is super low and even though I am 41, I don't want to have to wear elastic pants yet!! Some days I feel the depression and think how lucky other people are to not have to live like me, and other days I am naming my stoma and ****! What pulls me through is that I know that I did everything that I could to save my colon to no avail and I had no choice--this bag saved my life!! I know that everyday will get easier for all of us and finding this forum has been one of the best things that has happened to me since the surgery. To see others dealing with the same thing that I am going through and helpful suggestions has been a godsend!!
Posted 10/6/2007 4:27 PM (GMT 0)

It's been 2 1/2 yrs. since my ileostomy.  What you are describing is normal.  They're the stages of loss and grief.  You must go thru them all or you keep repeating them.  I know I've experienced denial, grief, depression, moments of success and learning, acceptance and happiness.  Happiness because I'm not in pain anymore, I can have a life and go places again, and I finally found the most perfect jeans and bathing suit for my body, and my family and friends are so happy for me.  Life is a journey, do what you love.

Sandy B

Posted 10/6/2007 8:22 PM (GMT 0)
Rachel,
I was also a cheerleader in high school and college and looked great in a bikini, so I can relate to what you're feeling. I did find a sexy one piece, black bathing suit with a halter top and a skirt that I feel really comfortable in. I live in Florida, so I seem to wear a bathing suit a lot!

I find that I wear clothes all the time, so my husband rarely ever sees the bag. I tuck it into my underwear and wear a t-shirt around the house, and he thinks I look great! He remembers how sick I was before surgery, and he's so happy that I'm healthy now. Our sex life is actually better now than before, because I'm not sick anymore.

Once you heal from surgery, you're going to realize how great you feel. Nobody is going to know what is under your clothes, unless you choose to tell them. Being healthy is the most important thing, and you are going to look more beautiful than ever, because that disease will not be robbing your body of essential nutrients anymore.

:-) Cecilia
Posted 10/6/2007 10:53 PM (GMT 0)
WOW! Some very great support. Can't we just buy a huge house centrally located amongst the 50 states and all live there so I can constantly have you guys around to pick me up? :)
Posted 10/6/2007 11:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hayley..what a great idea! What state would you want to live in? Being a Florida girl, I am pretty bias to the warm climate; however, for you...Uhmmm, I guess I could make an exception LOL.

Cecilia and I are about 2 hours apart. Where do you live?

Also, I LOVE YOUR PICTURE at photobucket! You're gorgeous! I posted some pics there so you could see that you CAN wear jeans very soon!
Posted 10/6/2007 11:31 PM (GMT 0)
Amey--I'm in Ohio, I hate the state, I hate the snow and it is right around the corner. I have always wanted to live in a warmer area. My ideal place would be Hawaii ahh :) but hey I guess any state coastal would be a good 2nd best.

Thank you for compliments and boost :) and you looking GREAT! WOW NEVER EVER would have guessed there is a bag in those jeans. I think I am just a little to eager and have too big of expectations this soon out of surgery--I mean its not been 2 weeks yet, but I just want to "get there" you know. I want my staples out, I want my scar to fade, I want go out and do something, but I know I am a good 3 weeks away from that being that I still am taking my pain pills on occasion.

I've never been a patient person, but this is definitely teaching me some. And I don't like it! :)
Posted 10/6/2007 11:48 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Ladies:

As a guy I thought that the image thing would not concern me too much. But surprisingly, at least to myself, I went into a deep funk over my new anatomy. I am sure it's even more difficult for you ladies. I always prided myself on being an athletic, strong, sexy and active person. I thought this would mean the end of that, but it hasn't. I'm still very much the person I was before, just different. My wife is a wonderful understanding person and I wish we all can find such a wonderful companion. I would also like to second Redsprout's contention that, as a guy, the bag really doesn't come into play and a guy who is worth being with should easily be able to look beyond it. I also have found great solace in this forum. As my sons would say "It Rocks"!

Richard
Posted 10/6/2007 11:57 PM (GMT 0)
P.S.

I just went to the photobucket website. You guys are hot! I have a very handsome and single son age 26 who's available!

Richard
Posted 10/7/2007 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
Richard,

I truly beleive that this is a huge BLOW to your self-image no matter what the gender. Especially since men typically run around in hot public places without shirts and exposing their upper bodies. Men usually do not swim with a shirt on. However, women can swim in a one-peice and look competely normal. I imagine this has been very hard for you. My husband told me that he could NOT handle a bag..not from an image stand point, he said he does not think he could handle having a bag from an emotional stand point. I am glad you found this forum and that is can bring you some comfort with your ostomy.

Hayley,
You mentioned that you are on pain meds. Are you still in a lot of pain? Pain medications make me nervous because the slow down your healing process and they are addictive. However, this was my 4th surgery and I know my body well at this point. Also, I seem to recover quickly...either that, or I force myself to recover quickly. Have you tried walking? I forced myself to walk 45 minutes a day. It was tough at first but then I got faster and now I am running 3 miles a day. I honestly found that the more I walked, the better I felt afterward.
PS. My friends lived in Hawaii and they said overall it is a very dirty place to live so I guess your stuck move'n to Florida... :o)
Posted 10/7/2007 4:55 PM (GMT 0)
my husband is fixing to go to hawaii, and he keeps saying, i can't believe you don't want to go,but i just don't really see the appeal
but you guys can all move to my house! it's in NC, and it's about 85 today, so it's warm! But you all have to clean, lol.
Hayley-the pain pills might be makign you a feel better in some ways, but they made me more depressed
Posted 10/7/2007 5:45 PM (GMT 0)

Haley ---

I was born and raised in OH.  Living in Indiana now, for the past 17 years.  Where do you live in OH?  We go back few times a year to visit family and friends so maybe we could plan a get together some day?

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