Chili-
I can certainly understand how upsetting it can be...I am a new poster, tho I have been reading posts for a long, long time. I have had my ileo for 6 plus years (this time) and know that the beginning was always stressful, and changing on the day I had to work was the worst!! I did even have that horrific day when, sitting at my desk, I knew I'd blown a leak...Luckily, I ran home, fixed it up, and got back to work in less than a half hour.
I agree with Peggy about the Eakin Seals. My ET nurse changed me to them many years ago, and even with my VERY ACTIVE life, I have not had a leak in years. I also need convexity in my wafer and combined with the Eakin, it's my ticket. I have had to recently change to a Convatex Non Mouldable wafer because of my new stoma (Proctocolectomy) and the mouldable didn't have the strength to hold up. My ET nurses have also reminded me on many occasions not to use a soap that leaves a residue. I think Dial/Ivory/Neutrogena are good choices. I also use Skin Prep for extra security and powder if I notice a red spot.
It will also take time to understand what it going on underneath the wafer. The itchies are a good indicater, but sometimes you may have to just put your hand over the wafer for the warmth, rinse the pouch with water, or take a deep breath. I don't run to change everything unless those others haven't worked. Sometimes it might just be the "sore" spot that is already there, not a leak.
One last comment/question, does your ET nurse know the problems you are having? It might be worth an appointment to see what other products might work for you better.
Good Luck!
OHIO76