Relationships and your colostomy bag

Before I was hospitalised in Aug 2006 and the operation was done in September 2006, I wasn't in a relationship.  During my long recovery of almost a year, I didn't even think about entering into a relationship, because all I could think about was getting well as I was very, very ill.

My friends remained more or less the same too.  The friends I had before the operation, know about my "bag", but they forget about it, because I have adjusted to it so well.

The friends that I have made after my recovery, however, I haven't told them about the "bag", because I don't feel that they need to know, but my concern is, is when I meet a friend that becomes really close, how do I tell this person.  There is this girl that I have befriended and we do a lot of things together, but I haven't told her about this "bag" as I don't know how to tell "new people" in my life.

Also, what if I should enter into a relationship with a guy?  How do I tell him?  I am not interested at the moment in any kind of romantic relationship, because the reversal is waiting for me next year, so staying healthy for that op is my main priority.  I just don't know if I should tell NPATO (new people after the op) about it.

How did you experience, telling NPATO?

Thanks

I was married for only a year when I got sick with Crohn's, so my husband saw me go from very healthy to very sick over a 7 year period. It broke his heart to watch me go through that, and he's been thrilled to see me so healthy ever since surgery. He doesn't even notice the bag, and there are ways to be intimate without it being so obvious (like wearing a stoma cap or a short nightie).

When it comes to meeting new people, I usually wait until I feel like we know each other pretty well. Then, I'll casually bring up that I used to be sick with Crohn's, but have felt great ever since I had surgery a couple of years ago. You'd be surprised how many people know someone with Ulcerative Colitis or Crohn's, and they understand what a debilitating disease it is. Even if they don't, everyone has said that they're happy that I'm not sick anymore. That's a great place to start.

Once you've shared that much, and they've been understanding, you can talk in more detail right then or at another time about how the surgery helped you. For example, in my situation, my colon was so diseased, that in order to live a healthy life, I had to have it removed.

People are always amazed when I tell them that I don't have a colon. Usually they'll ask if I have a bag, and I'll say yes. If I feel comfortable enough, I'll even show them the top of my bag. So far, everyone has been accepting, understanding, and amazed, because they had no idea! I think the main thing is to get to know someone first, and then wait for the right time to tell them.

 Cecilia