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FUNNIES to laugh at With the Owner - Fess UP!

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Posted 1/3/2009 1:57 AM (GMT 0)
So, sometimes, we all do something that is really frustrating or messy or stupid at the time, but down the road, we can look back and chuckle at it.  Let's share some of those stories to let some of our newbies know that we ALL have those days.   It  may be a little fun to do and I think Summerstorm should start this one off!!!   She seems to be our resident "lucky" one!!!  (sorry Summer!)

Bella - this topic is for you.  You will see that the mess you were in last night is no big deal.   It seems so at the time, and yes, sometimes a good cry is needed.  But, see today, you are sharing it with us.... have you chuckled at yourself yet?!

 

Posted 1/3/2009 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
I'll start. I was waiting for the school bus to take me (and about 40 other kids) home. All of a sudden I get that warm wet feeling running down my leg, look down and sure enough it's everywhere down the front of me and on the pavement. I quickly whisper to one of my brothers to get mum or dad to come and pick me up and race to the school loos. The other kids couldn't have failed to see the mess on the pavement but thankfully, none of them ever commented on it or gave me grief over it (these were highschool aged kids).

I was so humiliated at the time but as a wise person once said to me 'no one has ever actually died of embarrassment' (as much as you'd like to at the time). You get through it and survive. That was about 25 years ago and my one and only 'accident' whilst out in public.

Posted 1/3/2009 3:03 PM (GMT 0)
my most recent "incident" happened a few month's back...I was away from home, at a horseshow with my daughter, and I had not one, not two but THREE defective pouches!!! The first one happened at the hotel after day one...no big deal a little messy when my filter failed...but I always carry ONE change in my overnight bag. The next morning I am busy with my "Mom" duties and I look down and my pouch has sprung another leak at a seam...thankfully I have another pouch in my purse...THEN after a little while I look down (because now I am paranoid) and the pouch separated from the ring that attaches it to the wafer...All three of these pouches were from separate lots and the one from my purse had been there for months (I say that because I wondered about the manufacturer's abilities that day)!!! Because I was around horses no one noticed the smell and duck tape held things together until I was able to get my husband to drive up with extra's and a change of clothes!!

For MANY YEARS I felt I didn't need to have any extra supplies with me when I went out...it was on this site--maybe one of Summer's follies-that convinced me to carry supplies...boy I am glad I listened!!
Posted 1/3/2009 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
LOL Peggy when i saw this title i knew there was gonna be soemthing about me in here!
I do have an interesting life, i will say that.
This is the latest thing that happened, not all ostomy related but pretty funny still.
Thursday night i took a shower, had my stuff all laid out to change my bag and all. Well i got out of the shower,put my pads down on the floor and went to start changing had the bag part way off, look down and there are puddles of blood EVERYWHERE all over the pad all over the floor, my foot is covered. I had cut myself shaving on the back of my ankle i guess i got a vein, well i couldnt really do much, i just turned the pad over so i didnt'' have to lay in the blood, well i changed and all, blood pouring out of my foot the whole time. (i bleed easily, i take a med that causes that,not like danger ofdying easy or anything)
Well i couldnt find a bandaid, but knew it would jsut soak one through anyway, so, i francitally look around the batrhoom and see a box of panty liners so i take one out, rip it in half and tape it my foot!
So here i am, walking around the house with half a panty liner taped to my foot! I had to sleep that way cause it was like 1130 (had a very interesting day, and didnt get to bed until late, lots of drama, lol) and was going to sleep soon.
So that's my story!
Posted 1/3/2009 4:36 PM (GMT 0)
Awww Thank you peggy! :-)  That was really sweet of you.

haha Summerstorm the pad thing is a brilliant idea! lol Never woulda thought of that one. I dont usually get sad or mad about having my ileostomy because I know its not permanent but that day I was so frustrated that it went EVERYWHERE! And I honestly dont know what Id do without you all on here. I feel like I can talk to my mom about my feelings and problems but I cant say that about my dad. Im pretty sure he has the same thing but he refuses to go to the doctor. He HATES hospitals eyes But he poops just as much as I used to and hurts when he eats certain foods. Maybe its just IBS/IBD but he blames himself for me having this. And its so hard and hurts me to know that hes hurting because he thinks this is his fault. Supposedly its genetic or hereditary. So thank you guys for everything. And wish me luck! I go to get my butthole stretched out haha on Jan. 7 ..I think its called Dialation. Ive already had one done..not too bad compared to some other things.

Oh..funny story. My boyfriend and I were driving down the road and saw this septic tank sewer truck and he asked me if we should stop there so they could empty my bag lol and i was like haha I have my own personal septic tank! turn

Hope you all have a good day! Oh..and we should have a chat soon =)

Posted 1/3/2009 4:47 PM (GMT 0)
Well, here's my story. As most of the people on here may know, I'm a truck driver. Well on time i was in Wyoming and was on my rest period when it happened. For some reason I had been suffering from "balloon syndrome", thats where alot of gas builds ups and the bag puffs up like a balloon, anyway I had woken up to this balloon feeling and go to sit up on the bunk, next thing I know I have this warm, wet feeling on my side and I look down and my wafer had separated from my body. Ugghhh! I had to strip the bunk of my bed linens and go wash them. Fortunately I was at a truck stop that had laundry machines there.

That's the last time I had a real mess to clean up while I was out. I know this may not be "funny" but it was to me. Also it was on the day I had to change anyway so that was a plus. I guess the bag knew it was time to go as well. LOL tongue

Just a side note: I go have my reversal surgery on the 12th to get back to normal(maybe??).
Posted 1/3/2009 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
Ok, I'm a new ostomate, but I have 2 emptying stories.
One I told on Bella's thread already, but I'll tell it again.
The first was when I was just released from the hospital after my first surgery-bag on the right side. We were on the way home and decided to stop for lunch. I went to the bathroom at the restaurant to empty my bag and it splashed in the toilet and ALL OVER. My shoes, my pants, the toilet, the floor. YUCK. I felt bad to leave a mess, so I cleaned it up.
The next one was similar and after my 2nd surgery-bag on left side. I just got another barium study, and that stuff goes through you so fast. My bag was SO full b4 I knew it. I went to empty it in one of those measuring cups the hosp. has to keep track of output. Forget that. It decided it didn't want to go into the cup and practically exploded and once again, all over me, toilet, floor (and embarassingly splashed my face too). Again, I felt bad for the extreme mess (what will the nurses think), so I cleaned it up again. At least I only had a gown on.
I don't know what it is about emptying it, but I'm not very graceful at it. I'm short only 5'2", but I look like an awkward giraffe trying to stradle to get low enough to the toilet so it doesn't splash. LOL
Posted 1/3/2009 8:55 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, I have several stories. Part one:

Shortly after surgery, I had a few close friends over, kinda like to celebrate my recovery. It was a beautiful sunny day and I decided to make cocktails called Naked Pirates (great summer rum drink) and to sit out on the deck. My friends were all laughing about the name and were trying their best at talking like pirates and it just led to more laughter. Just when it seemed that we were calming down, Janet (that's what I named my stoma) decided to chime in and I think it was the loudest I have EVER heard her. Everyone just kinda stared at me. Of course I was MORTIFIED but managed with great timing to raise my glass and say "Thar she BLOWS!" And it took a good long time for the laughing to settle down again.
Posted 1/3/2009 11:17 PM (GMT 0)
good one badbaggirl!!!!
Posted 1/4/2009 2:07 PM (GMT 0)
BBG - "Thar she blows" ---- that is just too funny!!! And what perfect timing and sense of humour.

Bella - I also like the comment about your own personal septic tank! Only us ostomates can understand and laugh at stuff like this!

I've done the major splashes, but now when I am out, I try to remember to drop some TP in the bowl before I empty. Helps muffle the splashing. I've done the burping and have burped more than just air - that infuriates me when I do that. Just laziness gets me all the time!!! I've pushed my change day one too many, and have had leaks... should have listened to the itchies. Over the length of time that I have had mine, fortunately I have not had a "run down the leg" mess. I have had some leaks in the middle of the night... change the bag, take a shower, change the sheets, try to get back to sleep only to realize it is now time to get up. Yep, all in the life of an ostomate. Just gotta take it with a grain of salt, laugh it off (sometimes the laughing part doesn't happen till a few days after the fact for me), and move on.

Summer --- you've got to share some of your follies with the stomahesive paste....

Cece - how about the one where you were in the loo and watching tv....
Posted 1/4/2009 4:04 PM (GMT 0)
peggy i will share some of them later, not in the laughing mood lately.
Posted 1/5/2009 4:18 AM (GMT 0)
alright now that stuff has calmed down slightly and i am not as upset i will post some funnies for you!
I cant' remeber them all though, i wish i could.

So here is one, i changed my bag one night (i use paste) that same night i had spilled some soap on the bathroom counter. Well i got up that night like 3 or 4 am to go to the bathroom and for some reason i had bent down at the bathroom counter and when i raised up i hit the edge and felt something get in my hair, well i thought, oh it's that soap, no big deal. I mean so what if you have some soap in your hair? So i went on to bed. Well the next mornign i wake up to discover that it wasn't soap, it was paste!
that was super fun!
Posted 1/5/2009 4:21 AM (GMT 0)
here is another

Do not under any circumstances, attempt to text and change your bag at the same time! it will not go well, i promise. It will only end in heartache.

No really what ends up happening is you make a big mess, especially since the first tube of paste i tried to use would NOT come out then the second tube pretty much exploded all over the wafer, druing this time i am texting with one hand and spreading paste around with the other, get that straightened out and am then trying to dry off the area with one hand while using the same hand to hold the cloth over it so it won't go everywhere adn text with the other hand, which means i am texting with my left hand, which means that is not going well either!
Anyway, eventually after about 10 minutes and i was not even done drying off the area, and i usually have the whole thing done in 8 minutes, i gave up the texting and finished. Needless to say i cleaned my phone very well with an alchol wipe afterwards!
Posted 1/5/2009 5:09 AM (GMT 0)
and another (why do i embarass myself like this!)

So today i go and change everything, get the paste on, put it all on, all is happy go lucky, but then i notice that the bandaid part is tucked up under the wafer, i am always doing that, i'm such a spaz! So i have to change that of course. Well, the old paste is all over me, so i have to try to get it off. It's not only extremely sticky, but when you try to get it off it just spreads. So I have an adhesive remover in one hand, and a towel covering my stoma to keep it from makign a mess, and so far it's allright, i use the remover and then of course have to wipe that off with a wet towel, so i get that and go to wiping. But then i realize that the towel i am holding over my stoma is stuck to my fingers and to the side of my skin i havent' been working on! so i have to get that off and that makes a mess, of course, so i get another towel, which also sticks to my fingers, now i have paste all over both hands, and keep sticking to the packaging of the adhesive remover wipes. Well, this goes on for like 10minutes, and finally i get cleaned up, however it occurs to me at this point that i was just gonna put more paste on so i am not sure why i removed it all anyway. But the paste is still all over my hands, and i can't wash them and hold the towel over my stoma at the same time. I also can't unstick my hands from the towel, and i know that if i try to put the new flange on, it will just stick to me also. SO i have to holler for my husband to come and help me, and he does, and then he says, Ok no more paste, i am ordering you some of those paste rings!
I think that is for the best
Posted 1/6/2009 11:45 PM (GMT 0)
Summer  ---   YOU are the winner so far!!!  But I kinda already guessed that one.  Girl, you really need to try the Eakin seals.  Your change time will drop to about 4 minutes once you don't have to mess with that paste!  Your DH will be pleased that you do that too!

Posted 1/7/2009 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
lol i got some seals actually but i couldn't figure them out, and then i lost them! So i just have given up, that was a sign!
Today i am in CVS with a friend and we are standing there and the stupid thing makes noise and she looks at me and she says, "Leah! Right here!" she doesnt know i have an ostomy so she thought i had farted! i was like, no it's not what you think, really its not that.
Posted 1/12/2009 11:09 PM (GMT 0)
I was talking to my other half about this thread and was reminded about this one:

I learned from experience that after I take my jeans out of the dryer, I let the zipper cool down before I wear them. HOT zippers melt plastic!
Posted 1/13/2009 12:23 AM (GMT 0)
LOL thats so funny! you know i never even thought of that, that's a good thing to know.
Posted 1/13/2009 1:04 AM (GMT 0)
These stories are hilarious!! turn

Before my ileostomy, I used to spend way too much time in the bathroom with Crohn's, so my hubby moved the bedroom TV to where I could watch it while on the potty.

Fast forward to post-ileostomy, and I'm on the potty while watching a home remodeling show on HGTV. It's right at the end where they show the home all newly remodeled and decorated, so I'm emptying my pouch with my eyes glued to the TV. I look down, and the tail of the pouch was not in the toilet, but hanging over the edge of it, so I had accidentally emptied onto the floor! Thank God I was at home when that happened! smilewinkgrin
Posted 1/13/2009 2:55 AM (GMT 0)
HA HA no matter how many times i hear that story it is always funnier!
Posted 1/13/2009 10:46 PM (GMT 0)
ok well here are two neither actually ostomy related, but one is poop realted.
this is the poop related one, andwhile it is NOt funny now i am sure it will be to me in oh say 500 years. My son came in here to me with something all over his hand andi said what is that? he said, poop! i said why is there poop all over your hand and he said, causei had a wedgie! OMG so i tell him we need to change his pulls up ASAP, so i tell him to go to the living room and sit down and not touch anything. On his way he sticks his hand in a basket of clean clothes and then he comes and climbs on the couch, poop hand and all! well he had been eating blue icing, and as we all know that makes for neon green poop that stains! so there is green poo all over everywhere. how lovely.
Here is the other, not poo related at all, just funny, not sure why i am telling it but its funny and i love for people to laugh at me, lol.
The other day i was cleaning my car out and looking for my blue ipod that i was gonna sell my friend. Well i couldnt find it anywhwere andi was lookin in the back seat of my car, i have a lancer so it's small. Well i was laid down in the back seat and i slipped down, ended up with my legs up in the arm flying around stuck! well i finally got myself out, jump out, i had the radio on really loud and it was so pretty outside so i am dancing and singing. Look up and there is the UPS man!!! He has not only seen me dancing and singing, but also seen me with my legs flying all aroudn in the car! thought you guys would like that.
Posted 1/13/2009 10:56 PM (GMT 0)
Summerstorm both those stories are so funny.  Having a toddler myself I can just imagine I just hope I don't see that for real haha.  Think you might have made the UPS mans day!
Posted 1/13/2009 10:58 PM (GMT 0)
Ok, the poop story, I would just die!! It would take me 500 years to get over that one too! But as for the other one, that's just a cute, funny story. I would have loved to have seen the face of the UPS man!
Posted 1/14/2009 1:32 AM (GMT 0)
and of course, he was the cute UPS guy, not the old one we usually have. Hopefully we wont get him back, although he is probably going to request my house from now on!
Posted 1/14/2009 2:15 AM (GMT 0)

Oh, that reminds me of a story I have that involves poo and a cute guy... shakehead

So, I'm in the hospital with a terrible Crohn's flare, and my GI orders a barium enema test. I'd never had one before, so I had no idea what I was in for.

I go downstairs and lay on the X-Ray table. In walks a super cute guy to administer the test. He looked just like Andre Agassi when he had hair. wink

He started out by putting a metal tube in my butt and began filling me up with about a gallon of liquid. It was terribly uncomfortable. Then, he blew up a balloon inside of me to keep the liquid in while he was going to take some X-Rays of my colon.

Within seconds, I could feel the balloon slipping out, so I said, "The balloon's coming out!" And he said, "Hold it in!" I screamed, "I can't! I can't!" With that, the balloon popped out and so did a gallon of liquid poo! It went EVERYWHERE, and I thought I was going to die from embarrassment!

The poor guy had to clean it up, and I ran into the bathroom to clean myself up. I never saw him again, but I will never forget the look on his face. Those technicians are not paid near enough!


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