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Posted 3/21/2010 6:32 PM (GMT 0)
HI Everyone

I know that I dont post very often here, but I do visit alot as I find the information very helpful.  WIth the loss of Vette guy, I am wondering if there is more that we can do to support people through their medical concerns and emotional pain as a result.  I work in the world of therapy and have seen many people come to the conclusion that the only solution is to end their pain.  I have also seen people move through these thoughts and come up with other solutions, with the right amount of support. 

 

I am so saddened by this mans death even though I knew nothing of him, and I am betting that those of you who felt connected to him are terribley sad.  And the loss of him to his family is unimaginable.

I am not sure what we can do, an online community can be very connecting, however it is a new phenomenon and there are no traditional rules that can support this type of issue.  

How are others feeling about this loss?

Sue

UC 2003, Ileostomy 2009 

 

Posted 3/21/2010 7:07 PM (GMT 0)
It is a sad thing to lose a loved one. I think that this forum in some small way is a good support outlet for many. I have read some pretty good rants here! My prayers go out to vette and his family

I guess you never know the struggles of others, so be nice.

Some  things I have learned from my cancer battle and surgerys et al...enjoy every day! Praise God! Love your family and friends, in the long run they are really the most important things in this world. Don't work to hard.

Posted 3/21/2010 7:19 PM (GMT 0)
I am finding it very sad. I can't stop thinking about his family today.

While I don't have an ostomy, I do struggle with diet, chronic multiple bm activity and you all are just so incredibly understanding. Also the IBS forum is so nice.

I don't know what can be done but I am here to just listen if anyone EVER wants to vent. I wanted someone to just hold my hand while I had two painful surgeries almost 11 years ago. I didn't find anyone in person, just my doctor and her staff (while they can be understanding they often do not quite get it like other patients do). The people's whose lives have been turned upside down seem to understand. So I'd like to give back to someone else, just finding their way trying to find support.

But yes I am profoundly sad today. Vette Guy will be very missed around here.
Posted 3/23/2010 12:19 AM (GMT 0)
I'm very sad, too, and can't stop thinking about the grief that his wife, son, and extended family and friends are going through. Suicide, in my opinion, is a very selfish thing to do, and it really hurts the people who love you.

I would like to point out to anyone who didn't know Mike that he did not do this because he was unhappy with his ostomy. He posted on here many times that having an ostomy gave him his health back and the ability to have a successful career and an active life.

A few months ago, he posted that he was going to end his life, because he was laid off from his job and was very depressed. He said that he felt useless without a job. We all told him that he was very useful and to talk with his wife and a therapist about his feelings. I don't know if he ever did. It's just very sad that he had his health and a family who loved him, but he was still so depressed to the point of ending it all. Maybe there was more going on than he was willing to share with us.
Posted 3/23/2010 1:41 AM (GMT 0)
I suspect you are right, there was more to his pain than what he posted here. My experience with those who complete a suicide are in so much emotional pain that this seems like a logical answer to them in the moment, often these feelings are transitory, so if they can just hang on through the moment there is always another solution.

Sue
2003 UC 2009 Ileostomy
Posted 3/23/2010 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks, Cece, I couldn't figure out how to put that into words...there was so much more going on than we knew:(
Posted 3/23/2010 3:34 AM (GMT 0)
This is really bugging me too.
I just keep thinking about it. so sad.
Posted 3/24/2010 6:06 AM (GMT 0)
The scary thing for me is I have felt that way a lot when I thought pain and suffering would never end and I couldn't endure any more. Like Sue says it's holding on another day or seeing another opening to reach for. Things really brighten up when health gets better or you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Mike's lasts comments about how he wouldn't rant about the word "bag" being used haunts me. Was he giving up then. How do we value ourselves? If it is jobs and money and looks, they all can change in an instant so it made me look inside myself a little deeper.

What happened has really upset me too. I hadn't known him as long as some, but felt connected to him by help he gave to me when I was frustrated and unhappy. I believe suicide is selfish because there is not enough thought to those left behind. But the person doing it is no longer capable of normal thought and doesn't have hope so they can't be completely accountable in my book. It was sweet of Vette's wife to let us know. My heart has been challenged by this.
Posted 3/24/2010 1:33 PM (GMT 0)
I just wanted to say that I do not post on here very often but I do visit a lot and the information and comments made by some of you help me so much.
Vette guy commented on one of my posts, and at the end he told me to hug my dd and give her a big kiss b/c he knew she deserved it. I thought that was the nicest thing anyone could have said.
B/c it was true and to me it seemed like he knew her pain as well as mine.

I am so saddened by this news and I am concerned for my dd. I hope she never feels that lonely, or upset b/c of her situation.
Since I do not have an ostomy and my dd does my biggest fear is that she will hate me for the decision we made. Even though it saved her life it still scares me to think "this is all my fault".
but the advice and comments from the ppl on this board make me feel better day by day about my decision.

I feel so sorry for his family and their loss.
Posted 3/24/2010 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
I have to agree with others on this board. I dont write on her unless I have a problem but I read everything on here. I have gone back a year or so to read to get to know them and their background. Im am only 3 weeks post op and still a bit emotionally challanged but overall its easy to get down. Especially when you feel there is a problem and the doctors wont listen and shrug you off. Its not hard to look at something and say its ok. In today society, to be out of work makes life so difficult. I had changed jobs due to the fact I was offered a wonderful deal then this happened and Im not eligible for any short term disability. Im not going to sit here an whine but I do understand how people can get to the point that they feel like they are creating more issues for their family than helping them.
Posted 3/24/2010 8:20 PM (GMT 0)
I am also saddened and troubled with Vette Guy's suicide. When he first threatened taking his life we all rallied behind him and gave him the support that we all felt he needed. But his troubles were beyond us and I don't think anyone here should think we could have done more. We only see a fraction of what is going on in his mind. Sadly those that commit suicide leave their friends and loved ones with more questions than answers, with more pain, than solace, and with more guilt, than with peace of mind. It's hard to deal with his death because it was so unexpected.

Sue
Posted 3/25/2010 1:13 AM (GMT 0)
I've been in a funk emotionally all week because of this. cry I'm glad we have each other to lean on for support.

(((BIG HUG)))
Cece
Posted 3/25/2010 3:54 AM (GMT 0)
<- enjoying the hug...thanks Cece.

-Allie
Posted 3/25/2010 4:26 AM (GMT 0)
I have felt so bad since hearing about Vette Guy's suicide last week. I have been reading the post on this forum for 1 yr. now; I post occasionally. This really hits "close to home" for me because I recently tried to commit suicide because of chronic health problems that have gone on for 37 years! I had a sub-total colectomy 1 yr. ago (after suffering for years and years with pain, bloating, etc.) and now, I am not doing very well (an understatement). My husband found me after my suicide attempt, I was in intensive care for 3 days and now I am back on line searching for answers. I know that some think it is incredibly selfish to try to end one's own life but sometimes you can get to a point where you just can't take anymore pain, misery, etc.. I really wanted to end the suffering that my husband and kids go thru also, because of my illness! Anyway, I think it is extremely important that there is a place (like this forum) for people to go when they are having these feelings. I still don't know how I can keep living . . . but at least I am once again looking for answers. Since my sub-total colectomy (with ileo-rectal anastamosis) didn't work, I am not considering an Ostomy. I just don't know if I can emotionally handle living with an Ostomy though. Will it really help? My situation now is that I have either chronic diarrhea (10-20 times a day) or, if I want to stop it, I must take 3 Lomotils and 1 Vicodin . . . then I get relief for several hours from the diarrhea and the constant internal burning (rectum from acid stool). Then for several hours the next day I have extreme stomach pain because I am constipated by the medicines!!! This cycle repeats itself, over and over again. I had to quit my job, I stay home all day by myself and I have totally limited my husband's life because I am afraid to go out (too many bathroom issues). Does anyone have any suggestions? Please be honest about getting an Ostomy . . I don't want to make things even worse if that is not the right choice for me.

Thanks,
Gilda
Posted 3/25/2010 6:16 AM (GMT 0)
Gilda,
My heart goes out to you. I used to have chronic diarrhea (20+ times a day) and terrible butt burn, and it was awful. In 2006, I had a proctocolectomy (colon and rectum removed) with an ileostomy, and it has completely changed my life 100% for the better. No more diarrhea or butt burn! It is an amazing miracle. Please talk to your doctor about it.
Hugs,
Cecilia
Posted 3/25/2010 1:05 PM (GMT 0)
Gilda,

Talk to your CR surgeon about the ileoanal anastamosis or a kpouch.

Sue
Posted 3/26/2010 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
Gilda

I think we all know at least part of your story, and can empathize with the anguish that these diseases cause. It is not only physical, but emotional as well. I hope that you are able to access the resources that you need in your community for your health; both emotional and physical. My heart breaks for the road that you have travelled, as it does for all of us, as it did for me when I was in the middle of my crisis.

Sue
UC2003, Ileostomy 2009
Posted 3/26/2010 3:35 AM (GMT 0)
I admit, there were times when i was so sick, one time in particular when i was in the hostpial, i told my husband, cant i just go to sleep and not wake up, and he said, if you ever say that again, ill send you to the 7th floor. Which around here means the pysch ward.
i was on morphine at that time, and high doses of steroids. But shortly after i said it, i realized that that was NOT what i would do, i have seen it ruin too many lives. I've already posted my stories on how it has hit my life and my family's life.
Anyway, it is very important that people can talk to other people about it, howver i kind of worry about the drugs they give for depression and such, since one of the side effects is increased thoughts of suicide, and my uncle was on one of those drugs when he killed himself, and while there were other things going on, i think it might have had something to do with it.
Posted 3/26/2010 5:31 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks to all of you for your support. My doctor did a CT Enterography last week and is going to do a Sigmoidoscopy (with sedation thankfully) on Tuesday. He has already mentioned the possibility of me having an Ostomy and then a J-Pouch. Sometimes I think; it has only been a year since the subtotal colectomy (with ileo-rectal anastamosis); maybe I should try and wait to the 1.5 yr point, maybe my situation will improve! Every now and then I hear of someone who says it took more than 1 yr for things to "settle down" and for the diarrhea to lessen. If anyone knows of a specific case like this, please let me know. It is encouraging to know that some people with Ostomies are fine with them; it seems like such a huge adjustment! Anyway I am hanging in there and I do greatly appreciate the support and the suggestions!

Gilda
Posted 3/26/2010 7:56 AM (GMT 0)
Gilda,

You might want to post your question in the thread called TOTAL COLECTOMY in the Ostomies forum. They are a wonderful, supportive group who will be able to answer your questions.

(((BIG HUG)))
Cecilia
Posted 3/26/2010 2:01 PM (GMT 0)

IRAs are not that successful in adults for the reasons you are experiencing.  The jpouch IAA has a much higher satisfaction rate. 

Sue

Posted 3/28/2010 3:21 AM (GMT 0)
Gilda,
before deciding that you can't live with an ostomy, i would suggest 'trying' it out. You can have the initial ostomy surgery, and decide later to go ahead with the j-pouch if you can't stand it.
I honestly don't know how you can be happy with the frequent D you are having. It reminds me of my uc days. My ostomy days are WAY WAY BETTER! I really thought I would be in Hell with an ostomy. I'm a young, active person, but it's the BEST thing i could've done. I did have a learning curve and there were times of frustration, but the good so far out-weighs the bad, that it's not even a contest!
Please don't be so down. I know for a fact that your family would rather go through everything with you 100x than to lose you.
Posted 4/1/2010 3:37 AM (GMT 0)

katiesmommy1 said...
I just wanted to say that I do not post on here very often but I do visit a lot and the information and comments made by some of you help me so much.
Vette guy commented on one of my posts, and at the end he told me to hug my dd and give her a big kiss b/c he knew she deserved it. I thought that was the nicest thing anyone could have said.
B/c it was true and to me it seemed like he knew her pain as well as mine.

I am so saddened by this news and I am concerned for my dd. I hope she never feels that lonely, or upset b/c of her situation.
Since I do not have an ostomy and my dd does my biggest fear is that she will hate me for the decision we made. Even though it saved her life it still scares me to think "this is all my fault".
but the advice and comments from the ppl on this board make me feel better day by day about my decision.

I feel so sorry for his family and their loss.

I'm crying as I'm typing this, because it so perfrectly sums him up.  He was a rock when it came to business...but he was a softy when it came to people in need.  Mike was a certified visitor with the local Ostomy Association.  I can't even count how many people he has visited in the hospital over the years.

Today would have been our 25th anniversary. It's been a difficult time for us.  He always took care of us.  We have a very nice home and all the things that you'd expect from someone who has made a nice living.  I'd trade it all in just to give Mike one last hug!!!!

Posted 4/1/2010 10:49 AM (GMT 0)
(((HUG)))
Posted 4/1/2010 6:55 PM (GMT 0)
Life is short enough without ending it prematurely. I don't know of course what his circumstances were, and what caused the decision that led him to chose to end his life.. My thoughts are for his family, but also, they should believe that his decision was one not made frivolously.. and hopefully his soul is in a good place.

Each day since I made the decision to have the surgery which introduced me to Hollister and all of the other products which I use, well life is different but it's a lot better than being dependent on being 5 feet from a toilet with uncontrollable diarrhea. I'm back to being a productive member of society and I wake up in the morning awaiting the new day and what lies ahead....
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