Yes...the fluids are super super important whether he wants to drink or not to keep dehydration at bay.
The sleep deprivation of course has you both mentally worn out and definitely messes with your overall reasoning too.
As stated above we do not go through what your husband is going through. Yes in the beginning it is a little tough but it truly does get better and manageable. For us within 4-6 weeks we were going out together shopping, dining out with friends, etc. Could have gone out sooner but hubby needed to get a comfort factor to leave the house initially. We would take 15-30 minute walks in our neighborhood after he got discharged though so he would get exercise but be near home if something happened which didn't.
I had the same reaction....the beans skip for now and even the roast beef no matter how well he chews it is too early I think for that kind of food. Meats should be skinless and ones that are soft to break down...rotisserie chicken is very good, tuna, hamburg is a soft meat and can be prepared a lot of different ways.
We were given booklets and printed handouts by the Ostomy nurse at the hospital which covered all sorts of things from leaking, skin issues, dietery etc. Very sorry you were not given the same kind of education and just thrown into this situation to basically fend for yourselves. This is not the normal procedure most of us have had to deal with so you are at a tremendous disadvantage and handicap for sure.
Hopefully all these postings and some info here and there will get you both on the right track.
Due to the location of the stoma if you put a stand up mirror on a counter, TV tray table etc. then he can look at it in the bathroom. Can he take some liquid immodium to slow things down a bit? Your situation is temporary....my husband has the briefs from Ostomy Secrets that has an extra cloth panel in them...the pouch rests inside of it...the wafer/pouch is not against his skin...this panel supports the pouch and displaces the weight of it overall. Hubby purposely avoids gassy foods/carbonated drinks so his pouch seems to only fill with air overnight when he gets up first thing. Because he drinks a lot he pees a lot so when he is at it if there is need to empty the pouch he does. We go out a lot and even though bathrooms are readily available he doesn't need to empty all that frequently. I will ask and remind him after 3 hours or so as he doesn't even think much about it and it isn't giving him any kind of sensation that it is laden down and needs emptying. He just chooses to empty more often when he pees but doesn't have to.
I/we are telling you this as your current day to day experience naturally gives you the impression and idea that this is such a difficult thing to live with and it really is not. ONCE IT IS UNDER CONTROL with a system that works people resume their lives doing almost everything they wish. It is a new normal and a lifestyle change for sure but definitely do-able.
That is why if you can get this under control and a comfort factor going caring for the ostomy and pouching systems, then maybe the important chemo decision facing your husband might be more palatable to consider. My concern and that of others is for you and your husband having to make a decision that can ultimately affect and shorten his life span all because of a situation that can and should get under control. Like someone else mentioned....I wish you were a neighbor that I could personally come over and help. I am no nurse but I bet I could help somehow with hands on assistance. Not easy for you to try to grasp and understand everything we are typing in our posts to you.