End Stage Parkinson's

We have been told that our Dad (88 yrs old) is now in end-stage Parkinsons.  He has been in the hospital for the past 10 days with pneumonia because of aspirating his foods and liquids.  He went from a person who could dress himself, feed himself, make his own bed, etc. one day to an entirely different person the next day with the onset of the pneumonia.  The doctors have given us options of letting him eat as he wants to with the understanding that there will be frequent visits to the hospital, infections, etc., pureeing his foods and thickening his liquids, or a feeding tube.  We can have him admitted to a nursing home or have Hospice come in several times a week to assist with his care.  This is a very emotional, stressful decision for us to make.  There are three of us who have been rotating to care for Dad for the past 5 years since our Mom passed away.  He has been able to stay at home with the help of sitters and the three of us staying at night and week ends with him.  We would like to be able to keep him at home but do not know what problems we will have to deal with at home.  We want to do what is best for him and give him the best care possible.  How do you know if you are making the right decision?  I have prayed that God will intervene and make the decision for us.  Then I feel guilty and think that I am been selfish.  Can anyone give me any thoughts on this?

Please pray for us as we make these difficult decisions.

To all that are in this position.
I have Parkinsons ( not too bad). My mother in law died of it and my mother died of a neurological disease. I also do quite a bit of work in the aged care industry...not hands on work but I am continually involved with hands on staff.
You wish to do the best for your parent etc. Might I suggest that you might be making a big mistake. What happens in this situation is that the children become very involved on a long term basis...it is stressful and takes its toll.
Do you know who the most important person is in this equation?
Grab a mirror and have a good look....yes, it is you.
Do you know who the second most important persons are...see who comes home at night....your partner and children isf you have them.
Firstly you have to do your best for the sick...you also have to realise they are not going to make it. Trying to prolong life...for what?
You have to realise that there is your life after they have gone..you will want to maintain your health and well being....you will want to maintain your relationships and your friends.
It is a difficult, difficult balancing act but you are the one who will be left, so look after yourself.
I do not mean abandon your parents...do what you can but remember, even you have limits.

Hi Juleslove,

My father's Parkinsons symptoms began at 81. My mother who is in her 70s was doing her best to care for him. He kept falling and fractured a bone in his foot at 83. He could not walk and had care givers 24/7 which cost a fortune, while both my parents health was deteriorating. He wasn't eating enough, medications weren't being taken correctly, etc.

I found a private senior resident home, limited to six patients. That was a saving grace for our family. He has a private room and bath that we decorated  nicely for him. There are 3 full time caregivers for 6 people. The home is close by to my mom, so she can go often for a visit, they handle all of his medications, meals, Dr. appts., and assist with all daily living. After a month my dad was doing better than he had been doing at home with mom.  I got a list of senior care homes from social services at the local hospital. My heart goes out to those who are full time care givers for their parents or spouses. A private senior care home is an alternative, and the prices range based on shared rooms, vs private, etc. I'm offering this information as I had no idea what to do and I just want to put it out there, because it worked for our family. You do need to do your own homework and compare homes. I checked out four, before making a decision. My dad was not thrilled of course with the move at first, but after a couple of months he was doing much better than at home with mom. Also, this senior home will care for him as his level of care needs advance. Currently, he walks with assistance of another person and walker, and needs help getting up and down. We also got him a power lift chair to assist him in getting up without help. My dad was too far advance for an assisted living home, and requires full time care.

Kelsysgmom
I read your comments with interest and your situation is typical. There is one member of the family or several members that do too much at the detriment of themselves and othersd and there is the other member of the family who does absolutely nothing or next to nothing. Both are really at fault one way or the other.
Do you think you could get your brother to take over some form of activity that suits him.....this would not be ideal but it may be one thing less that you have to do.