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Posted 5/28/2008 1:16 AM (GMT 0)
ALL,

Our forum has grown so much it makes new situations appear.  It is good that we grow and add many new members and their friends, spouses, or even daughters.  But we have to be aware that this means we should post here as we would in a conversation with someone like a 15 year old daughter ~ which we have had here.  This post is difficult but necessary.  The Moderators and the Admin are not in favor of some recent posts. Overly graphic and/or sometimes insulting to other members.  I personally consider this almost juvenile at times.  See rule 3 (three ~ spelled out for you) below. 

I understand that our disease requires graphic content, but...   

When you need to be graphic, PLEASE consider taking the discussion into Email.  Help us with a suggestion, also.  But think that what you are posting can be viewed by the many children and loved ones we have in our experiences.  This forum belongs to ALL OF US.

Any Insults or insinuations will be deleted without further notice.

I find this completely dumb that I have to post this message.  C'mon guys.  This is not a request for political correctness, but common sense. 

This Forum is for ALL in the family of a prostate cancer patient!!!

Please review and make nice your posts.  Or we will.

If there are posts you have made, good intention or not, that are questionable, clean it up.  Go back and read the rules and ~ Clean it up!  Or we may have to for you.  Don't get mad at the new Moderators.  You can blame me.  I can take it.  Sorry for the pending deletions.  Kind of.

3. No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members.   Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun off, or insult another member or non-member.  Decisions about health and well-being are highly personal, individual choices.  "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.

 

This forum was such a great help to me that I also volunteered my time to help moderate.  We have gained many members because of the forum format and we have lost some who don't like the forum rules.  That's OK.  If we can't keep everyone happy, we can keep those who follow the forum rules. 

 

Please take this notice for it's intent to encourage us all to do the right thing. 

 

Tony ~ TC-LasVegas

Prostate Cancer Forum Moderator

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 5/28/2008 4:07:37 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/28/2008 1:41 AM (GMT 0)

Good show Tony!!!

Our forum is no place for venting personal invective on anybody.  The tone here is informative and supportive.  Any thoughts that don't fall in those categories should be kept to ourselves.

If you need any help, just call...

Jim

Post Edited (biker90) : 5/27/2008 7:48:19 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/28/2008 2:11 AM (GMT 0)

Amen Tony!!!!

Dutch

Posted 5/28/2008 2:48 AM (GMT 0)
Tony,

You have my support 110%

I am not aware of what transpired to bring such a post on but I feel I know Tony well enough to know he only has this forum's well being in mind with his post.

There will always be differing opinions, especially with different types of treatment and locations.  We all are here because of a common bond that affects us all.  This foum is here to help and console sometimes hurting individuals.  The last thing we need are things that divide us.  We need things that bring us together.

My prayers be with you all.

Richard & Debbie

Posted 5/28/2008 2:55 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much, Tony.

From:
One of The Women of The Forum
Posted 5/28/2008 4:23 AM (GMT 0)
We have your back Tony :-)

I came to this forum for information and stayed because of the supportive, informative environment. Thanks for helping to keep it that way.


In peace,

Chayna
Posted 5/28/2008 4:36 AM (GMT 0)

Thank you Tony,

From another woman on the forum

Diana

Posted 5/28/2008 5:05 AM (GMT 0)
Well said, Tony. Thanks for volunteering to help moderate this forum.

This place needs to be caring, supportive and informative, not a personal battleground.

Posted 5/28/2008 11:53 AM (GMT 0)
Moderating any forum can be a daunting task at times, and I think this one has it's own special challenges. Keep up the good work! As said by several above, the presence of family members is part of the 'identity' of this forum to many of us.

Posted 5/28/2008 12:42 PM (GMT 0)
 I know I haven't posted in awhile, way too much going on, but Good on Ya, Tony.
Posted 5/28/2008 1:22 PM (GMT 0)
Excellent work Tony, we are all in this together, families included, because they are not insulated nor isolated to their loved ones struggles. This is the BEST site I know of for info and support, and in a way, we are all part of a large family. Our purpose here is to inform, educate, and support of each other. My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of the members here, male and female, alike.

Randy
Posted 5/28/2008 2:32 PM (GMT 0)
Great post, Tony. And a big thanks for taking care of things here.
Posted 5/28/2008 6:09 PM (GMT 0)
It's awfully hard to not be frank about such a difficult topic. Frankly, as a man who has been physically and emotionally affected by what I think is a horrible cancer for MEN, I tend to agree with what Ziggy has said. This is a prostate cancer forum. Those of us who choose to be here need to understand that this is a topic that can get very intimate and personal. The frank discussion and intimate graphic detail CAN be very important. I hate to see us not have the ability to describe our problems in detail. No matter who is reading it.
Posted 5/28/2008 6:42 PM (GMT 0)
I have to agree with Ziggy and Rip. At a recent hockey try out some of my male friends had questions about enlarged prostates, prostate cancer, biopsies, etc. One gentlemen abouth 10 years my senior was going in for a biopsy and was scared. When some of the wives came by they all clamed up and asked them to leave. After all the discussions I reminded them that it's important to involve their wives/families.

While I beleive the personal attacks should be stopped, the open and free flowing information is needed no matter how graphic it is. One of privious posts envolved errections while sitting on the throne. Where else am I going to ask this kind of question?? I was very much releived to know it effected other people and will be bringing it up at my next urologist appointment. Sorry you can't get much more graphic than that.

btw.

I am a prostate cancer survivor with both a 12 and a 15 year old daughter. They both remember my father dying of prostate cancer. The younger one especially as he died on the day of her 4 birthday. My mother insists on have a memorial dinner every year on my daughter birthday. I've kept practically nothing (with the exeption of ED) from them, and I think they are the better for it.
Posted 5/28/2008 6:42 PM (GMT 0)

Tony,

I am in support of your position as are I am sure the vast majority on this site. 

Its bitter sweet to see our numbers growing so fast.

Frank

Posted 5/28/2008 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Yipes!  I must have missed the uproar.  As a spouse I've been so impressed with the guys who post here.  This forum is a godsend, mostly because men will speak up and share enormously difficult and personal information.  I applaud all those who have volunteered to share their sensitive experiences and problems with us all.  However, inherent in this disease are critical topics that are probably not comfortable for guys to share with almost anyone besides their spouse, let alone teenage girls.  We need honest information and frank discussions of the nitty-gritty that is part of the recovery.  Thanks for all the courageous contributions guys.  Val's spouse 
Posted 5/28/2008 7:27 PM (GMT 0)

I agree with Val's spouse, Rip, Roger and ziggy.  A forum about a serious disease is of limited value if frank discussions....NOT talking about bad language here, just candor....are not allowed.  Women who come here should, in my humble opinion, do so with the understanding that they are venturing into a predominantly male territory, just as men would be doing if they join a discussion with ladies about breast or uterine cancer and their related treatments and side effects.

With that said, healingwell.com is an enterprise with an owner.  As owner, that individual can instruct his/her volunteer mods to run this as the owner desires.  I have no problem with that concept.

Posted 5/28/2008 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
Ok, here's my two bits (Cdn). One of the things that makes this forum so valuable is that we can speak frankly of our medical issues. I think it's a bit of a stretch to expect us to frame it as though we'd be having this discussion with a 15 year old girl. Facts is facts, and I have a tough time talking to my wife about bloody semen...so why don't we rethink that concept.

I know that we are sharing with wives/daughters here, and I'm gratified so many try to help out the important males in their lives by joining us. They help us all. I also know they aren't here for 'lulz'...but they'd better be prepared to have their eyes opened.

Civility by all means...no flames or personal attacks to be tolerated...good sense and good manners prevail...of course. But I'm going to focus my remarks to an audience that is fully aware of this illness, and while I promise not to be crude, I can't promise not to be explicit if need be.

And I don't think any of this is either radical, or belies the spirit of the forum. Thanks to the mods...and Ziggy, you should hang around.

Posted 5/28/2008 8:19 PM (GMT 0)
We are afforded the ability to talk in detail about this experience. Detailing blood in seman are not what we are refering to, along with other things we hate to discuss, but we have to. But it needs to be tactfully discussed. We are asking, for example, that jokes about being in front of nurses that are not, uh, specific about treatment for prostate cancer be limited to offline discussion. I think you all know what I mean.

Tony
Posted 5/28/2008 8:20 PM (GMT 0)
I vote for frank and open discussions. I noticed how "Disney-esque" this site was becoming when a few weeks ago I wanted to emphasize my feeling about this disease and used the word d-a-m-n and it was changed to darn. Golly-gee, gosh-darn it I've got to start talking like they did in the early age of television.

That being said the moderators (past and present) on this site are doing a fantastic job and I'm sure there are some rules here that they disagree with. So if "thems the rules" I will abide.

Ken
Posted 5/28/2008 9:51 PM (GMT 0)

Tony,

Unless I am missing something here, you have mentioned two distinct no-no's in this thread....the be nice to people topic and the do not be graphic topic.

In your most recent post, though, you seem (??) to be backing off the graphic one some, which confuses me.  Bear with me, but when you and I chatted privately, you mentioned my post to Piano and JamesC (and anyone else with a need to know) about the injection technique as something too graphic.  If it is then so be it, but if something like that is too graphic, then 90% of the discussions here about treatments and side effects would fall into the "too graphic" category. 

For the record, that post does not mention any individuals or genders in any way, shape or form, aside from the fact that it mentions in general, common words one way to position things for an injection (and obviously that thing is attached to a male).

Seriously, the too graphic topic is the part I find most confusing, regardless of my personal view of anything else in the original thread.  I am happy to abide by any rules here or anywhere else, whether I like them or not, but it would help to understand them more clearly, especially this "too graphic" thing.

Posted 5/28/2008 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
If you don't mind, I will add my two cents here:

The nature of the forum requires some graphic discussion.... after all prostate cancer can and does affect ones sex life, among other things. I think as long as the discussion is clinical and not sexually explicit in nature that a certain level of graphic discussion is allowed in contrast to say the Depression forum. The AIDS forum is also similar, in that it does require a certain amount of frank discussion, but can stray sometimes into more sexually explicit discussion, which is not appropriate.

I don't know if that clarifies anything, but that is my view. Hope it helps.

Peter
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