Implant Humor...

This is a serious forum but I notice that every now and then there is some humor mixed in.  KW's got to be the best with it.  Now I'll try my hand at it.

Try to put yourself in my place.

Those who have had the AUS and the IPP know that they take both take some getting used to.  For example, the AUS takes about a minute to close after an implantee like me urinates.  You have to stand there shaking and milking to try to get the last drop out instead of in your pants.  It really takes time and patience.  Also, those who receive an IPP get a mixed-blessing.  "It" looks fuller.  You know... "it". The "thingy".  Where once it could be described as a turtle wanting back in its shell, it sort of (pardon the expression) all hangs out after implant surgery, even when it's not excited.  So some implantees, like me, are somewhat modest, not really wanting others to see it.  I really think I may be too modest, but don't want anyone in the restroom getting the wrong idea.

So last week the wife and I were in one of those very busy resturants.  I needed to urinate so proceeded to the mens room. I always go into a stall and shut the door and lock it so no other man would get scarred by what he thinks he sees: A man standing at the urinal too long, obviously doing something that is not normally done in the men's room.  So I avoid urinals in public restrooms.

OK.  I go in this mens room, try stall #1.  Occupied.  Try stall #2, the last one in the restroom. Occupied.  Insteading of waiting outside a stall, which I didn't think would look too good, I decide to use the available urinal, taking great care to bow my knees outward so that my pants would not fall to my ankles (another reason I like the stalls...never have mooned anyone and not ready to start.  So far I have not learned just to unzipp my slacks, as I did pre-prostectatomy.  There's this little pump we AUS implantees must squeeze to let the water flow.  So it takes two hands and that's more than what a simple open fly will allow.  I release the valve and urinate freely, first a full stream, then down to a trickle, then to a drop.  I wait.  I wait some more as another drop appears and leaves.  I then shake it again and again.  Then I milk it...and milk it.  I repeat this routine for about a minute, which can seem like hours.  Then I shake it and shake it some more until I think they are all gone. I place it back where it belongs, drip one more time just for fun, flush the urnial, zipp up, and turn to leave and suddenly... I am face to face with two big Texans.  They are waiting in line, right behind me.  They both have this frown on their faces.  I read their minds.  I really do.  They were both thinking, "So this is what a pervert does in the rest room!  I'll just...".  I know I turned a bright, bright red! I didn't take the time to say, "Howdy".  I am out of there!

 It was not funny then, but the wife and I got a good laugh from the experience as I related it to her. I can only hope you HW friends do too.  As we all know, this road can be long and hard.  Need to laugh a little.

Gene214

Gene, I'm glad you shared this story with everyone on HW. But, like you said, the AUS and IPP guys are the ones that will really understand what your talking about. I have to say though, for the first few months I will wait as long as I have to (if I can) for that open stall. Even if I have walk into a "fog" to use one. It's not like anyone will complain about getting to cut the line for a open urinal while I wait for the stall to "work the Plumbing". Look on the bright side! Atleast you weren't sitting in a stall trying to squeeze and soak up a wet spot in your underwear or pants!

Glad to hear things keep improving for you.
KW

Gene,
Great story! I was once the Texan (I'm not quite as big as others, and now I'm a former Texan) standing behind a big guy doing almost the exact same thing about five years ago in a busy place. I had heard about guys who had bladders removed and was trying to understand that this was what that this could be about. I could tell he was struggling with something I had never seen. It wasn't until sometime after I joined this club that it hit me. What the guy was likely feeling I understand now. Humor? Yes, I guess I see it, but with a heavy heart...Four years later, after seeing this guy, I had a friend of my brother-in-laws call me and tell me his prostate cancer was Stage IV, active, and had spread to his bladder and he wore a full time catheter. He was telling me how he was leaving again, travelling to MD Anderson frequently from California. I recalled when I saw the first guy, I was in a very busy airport, like Houston Hobby where my brother in laws friend was headed. The guy in front of me was a big 'ol Texan and we were at DFW.

You guys with the urinary issues get to me. For the most part, when I read your stories I feel I lucked out! When I had the catheter in still we went out to eat once. And draining time was nearing. I thought about cutting the meal short because I didn't want to try emptying it in a public restaurant. But it was an uneventful visit to the restroom. However, I can only imaginge someone seeing me while they were waiting from outside the stall, I was contorting over a toilet trying to empty a leg bag. This time I was alone in the bathroom and felt such relief that no one walked in.

God Bless you, Gene! Thanks for sharing this...

Tony

Guys,
I really appreciate your story.

Forgive me because I too have not experienced what you are describing - at least not to that degree. But, we cannot lose our sense of humor. In an earlier forum I thought it was really humorous how I soaked my trousers out of my early arrogance in thinking I had all under control, when I didn't - so I wrote about it.

Before surgery I worked out every morning for the last 8 years in the same gym. Since then I have done my working out at home because I don't want anyone seeing me wearing pads. As a result of me not working out, I have had several inquire as to what happened to me, and rumors got around that I was really sick.

I only know two things - in an odd sort of way it is funny, while at the same time we all really / really sympathize with each other and appreciate each others lot in life.

We have all adapted, and things are not that bad. I don't like incontenence or ED, but life is not over and there is hope for improvement. Let's keep our sense of humor - it really helps! Blessings.

RB

Age 61
Original data - pre-operation
PSA: 5.1
T1C clinical diagnosis, Needle biopsy - 10 cores, Gleason 7 = 3+4 in 1 core (40%), 7 cores Gleason 6 = 3+3 ranging from 5% to 12%
All scans negative
Lupron administered 4/9/2008 for 4 months (with idea I would undergo external beam radiation followed by seed implants - then I changed my mind).
Robotic DiVinci surgery - Dr. Fagin (Austin) May 19th
Post operative - pathology
pT2c NX MX
Gleason 3+4
Margins - negative
Extraprostatic extension - negative
seminal vesicle invasion - uninvolved
1st Post PSA .04

Dear Gene, I read your story to Pete, who, as you know, just had the AUS implant on Monday. Despite his pain and discomfort....he really laughed...! Thanks for the upbeat attitude you have...Diane

Gene, the imagery of your story coupled with what you imagined the men standing behind you may have thought, was very funny. ;)

I remember when I was in my 30s this elderly man worked for me (he was probably younger than I am now argh!) He was giving a group presentation, sat down, and looked somewhat confused.  I never noticed anything unusual, but he excused himself.  I later found out that he had an implant with a switch in his scrotum.  The switch wasn't working as it should and was somehow going off when his leg touched against it.  He was embarrassed at fist, but when he was able to laugh about the possibilities, others were given persmission to release their tension in laughter as well.  With some of the questions he was asked, I think a few guys were envious of him - of course they didn't understand all he had to go through - prostate cancer surgery etc.  I can't imagine how difficult a public restroom might be on a person with an implant that was just a flexible "rod". 

Thanks for the story

Thanks,

And Tony...

Again, a very humorous story. 

Since you used the word "switch", it reminded me that most people who are unfamiliar with both devicces (AUS & IPP) think of the activation of these devices require an "on-off" switch" or a "button".  The activation tool is actually a pump.  The AUS uses the pump to release the cuff around the urethra to allow the flow of urine.  The inflatable penile prosthesis uses the pump to pump up (inflate) the prosthesis, producing an erection.

One of the things that frightened me about an inflatable penile implant when I was considering it was a word I read in literature that had to do with a problem with these devices.  The word was "auto-inflation".  It seemed that earlier devices (and maybe some later devices) could inflate unintentinally or accidently, a possiblity that horrified me.  I imagined being up before people and all of a sudden, "pop goes the weasle" and my full blown erection would stand out from my slacks for all to see.  I could not, I would not have such a possibility happen to me!   But when I mentioned this to the doctor, he said the kind he uses does not have that possiblility.  Whew!  Now that I have one, I know by experience that an inflation requires some repetitive pumping. In other words, you gotta want it to get it.

Gene214