about halfway through my catheter days, and really really really looking forward to its removal, really. However, I have been surprised to learn that a catheter has so many other uses. Here’s my top ten list:
10. Educational device – after several mornings of getting up, I now realize that I was entirely wrong about what the phrase ‘kick the bucket’ really means.
9. GPS (Grab Penis Swiftly) location device – ‘nuff said.
8. Constant Gardener – Houseplant looking a little peaked? Now I can give it a quick little nutrient filled squirt.
7. Mini Fire Extinguisher – I no longer fear small kitchen fires. On the downside, if I ever use it I may never be able to eat anything flambé for the rest of my life.
6. Lady Impresser – I may get back into the bar scene. I once again have an impressive ‘package’ under my pants, its just a bit farther south and has to be drained once per hour.
5. Diet Device – If my belly and butt suffered this much shrinkage, I’d be waving my fat pants and appearing on an infomercial in a heartbeat.
4. Clothesline - Been doing more laundry since I came home from the hospital. Now I have a new place to hang my clothes to dry.
3. Gandhi kegger – draw a refreshing glass anytime, anywhere.
2. Speed governor – In danger of loosing your license because you’ve been getting too many pedestrian speeding tickets? This will bring things under control.
And finally, my number one use:
1. Buddhist Meditation Aide – Can’t find your navel? It’s 8” north of the OTHER center of your universe.
The happiest of holidays and a glorious New Year to all of HW.