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Posted 6/3/2009 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone:  My husband was diagnosed april of 2007, since than he has had radiation and hormone therapy.  Hs psa was good until march 2009 than his psa started to rise so oncologist also has him on casodex.  It's the old waiting game again to see if it's working.  psa test again end of July.

  I try to cope as best as I can and I know this isn't about me, but would like to hear from some other wives that are going through the same thing.  My husband is awesome and his attitude is awesome.  He gets hit with this psa rise and for a couple of days he's down and than he just picks himself up and goes on. He has a lot of muscle aches which is always tough because he worries about spread.

   I'm supportive the best way I can.  The problem is sleeping I think I'm doing okay, but  obviously my mind isn't as I have terrible dreams and when I get up in the morning I'm just as tired as when I go to bed.

   I thought maybe if you wives out there had anything to offer that would be great.  I don't have my family support, but I do have my kids support , but you know it's hard for them so I try not to discuss too much with them.  They are all 3 adults and all 3 close to their dad so it's really tough for them.  I do have a best friend I confide in, but it's not the same as I'm sure you all know, it's different when your husband has cancer.

   I love my husband dearly and it may seem odd, but since he was diagnosed we are closer than ever.  Sex isn't something that has been possible and I'm not kidding when I say I don't care as long as I can share my life with him.

  Any thoughts would be much appreciated. 

        

Posted 6/3/2009 5:09 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry to hear about your sleepless nights. Your story hits very close to home, because my mother has not been sleeping and recently started taking sleeping aids and I know it is because of stress and anxiety. She too, like yourself, is a strong woman. We have always been a very close family and talk about everything (normally), but I am realizing she is carrying too much on her mind. I know she doesn't want to concern my brother or I, but I am more concerned that she is stressed and is not sleeping than I would be with anything she could say. I guess what I am trying to say, is that we are all strong and weak at different times and I think your kids might surprise you with their strength. That's what families are for right?!
My mom is not a religious woman, but I told her the only way I have been able to deal with the anxiety is prayer. I told her to pray, even if she doesn't know at this point who she is praying too, it has helped me tremendously with fear and axiety. I know everyone is different, but it is what has worked me for thus far.
Wishing you sleep filled nights and peace!! Keep us posted!
Posted 6/3/2009 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
While I'm a member here because of my PCa, seven years ago my wife had lung cancer, truly scary business. All of my web research resulted in nothing but bad news with really lousy five-year survival stats. I spent many nights having minutely detailed half-awake dreams/nightmares that mostly dealt with how I would comfort her while she was in the final act of dying. Truly horrible stuff. I thought I was losing it badly until I spoke with a friend of mine who's wife had gone through a different type of cancer. He told me that he had the same sort of nighttime problems and the only thing that helped him was to get up and read a book as a distraction. I started doing that and it helped me a lot until I was able to control those episodes. As it turned out, my wife's cancer was surgically treatable and she is doing fine.

Being the partner of someone going through a difficult and potentially life-threatening illness can be devastating and should not be taken lightly. Find others in the same situation, like some in this group, where you can chat, ask questions, and vent when necessary. Trust me, it helps a lot.

Hang in there,
Garth
Posted 6/3/2009 6:17 PM (GMT 0)

Hey kak - do you have any single sisters just like YOU. You sound like such a wonderful spouse..

You might consider getting a little assistance from your doctor so you can get some sleep. Or maybe even a little couch time with a shrink to help you cope.

Good luck to you.

Posted 6/3/2009 6:24 PM (GMT 0)
My Dad has died from prostate cancer - he was not diagnosed until too late. My Mom has kept me unaware of what was happening, until the docs finally diagnosed my Dad and he had only a few months to live. Her rational was that I live far away and would just worry needlessly. I still did not completely get over this. I would have liked to be much more involved and would have spent more time with my Dad. The point of the story - talk to your kids. They will support you and they will apreciated being included.
Posted 6/3/2009 7:03 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your support. Our kids do know about the cancer and the reason we havn't told them about the elevated psa is because we felt that what would it accomplish , but 2 months of worry. We will tell them if in two months his psa does not go down. Telling our kids when my husband was first diagnosed was probably the hardest thing we ever did. so when we talk to them again we want to have all the facts.

Thank you for the advise about getting up. Right now it seems that I do sleep it's just the dreams that I need to work through.

Just talking to people on this board helps. It just helps to know how people cope that are in the same poisition. I am from a small town and we havn't let it know that my husband has pc for various reasons. One being that people from small town are supportive, but very nosey and we just don't want to answer questions . I know you can tell people to mind their own busines, but that isn't so easy when everyone knows everyone.

Thank you so much for everyone support and help. We will just try to get through this one day at a time. It helps just to post here.
Posted 6/4/2009 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
I know what you mean about a busy mind - its hard to quiet your mind when so much is going on - My hubby had his 2nd chemo treatment yesterday he hasn't wanted to tell our friends or family what is going on - but I need their support and I need them to know why we fell off the face of the earth (ie the physically active social circle) - I'm now back to getting some exercise and sleeping better - a tired body does quiet down the brain. What I do know is I'm going to miss my buddy when he is gone and I feel robbed that we are not going to grow old together but for now we need to enjoy the time we have left - snuggling up and watching movies and laughing at our goofy cat.
Posted 6/4/2009 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
Not sure if I am allowed to post links to other sites here but wanted to let you know about a Prostate Cancer Forum for Ladies Only: http://www.ladies-prostate-forum.org/ladies/

This forum is another great source of support and information.
Posted 6/4/2009 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
As it is Ladies Only, I didn't register, but I'm gonna suppose its a good site for mutual support, rather than a spammer site. wink
I will keep the url in my list of sources to recommend to people if I don't hear negative feedback from any ladies who do go there and participates. Not knowing its contents, I am sure it provides valuable support and togetherness for women who are struggling with PCa issues...Thanks for the link, DanielleS
Posted 6/4/2009 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Amy41: I know exactly where your coming from. My husband did not want to tell anyone either and at first I wasn't happy about it, but now that it's been awhile I understand more and more why he doesn't want to say anything. It's like once you have cancer you are not yourself any more , but the guy who has cancer. At one time I wanted to tell my family, but now I have changed my mind. As long as our kids are in the loop I guess the rest will know when it's time.

I know what you mean about not growing old together and it scares me. It's like every day I have this thing in the pit of my stomach. It's with you every day and I try to think past it all the time.

I love my husband and my best friend and some times I want to scream life isn't fair look at all the people that abuse their body and they are fine.

Sorry about that, but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

All the best , just want you to know your not alone, maybe we don't know each other personally, but we're all in this together.

Thanks for your post.
Posted 6/4/2009 7:56 PM (GMT 0)
Greetings, KAK.  I know it has to be extremely tough on the wives.  Mine has been great - more supportive than I could ever ask for or hope for.  The first 34 years were great but the last almost 2 have been really special because of the closeness developed in fighting this disease together.  There are ups and downs but I am grateful we go through them together.  David

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