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Posted 7/30/2009 5:34 AM (GMT 0)
At the risk of sounding ungrateful, since i am cancer free and ED free, I wish to complain about my orgasms now that it's been 3 years (june 2006) since da vinci surgery. It seems like most guys are satisfied with theirs from what i read on posts. I get the impression that they are pretty much as good as they were in the good ol' days. Mine aren't even close. It used to be a "roll over and go to sleep, the world is now a better place" type of release. Now, it's like somebody turns off the spigot just at the climax and says "hold that thought, come back and try again later". It's just not the same without the "mess". I liked the "mess". Even though it's been 3 years i still remember how powerful and satisfying they used to be. Today I'd say 2 outta 10 come close to that, the rest leave me hanging. I know there's guys with more serious issues and i feel for them but still i am curious to know from others are they REALLY just as satisfying OR maybe guys are so grateful to even have one and be healthy that they just "go with it" and report it as being good. For other's sake i hope they really are happy with theirs and maybe i have some physical glitch from the surgery. In my research prior to surgery i heard about the dry orgasm and it seemed played down, like it was insignificant, but i thought "how could that be?".
And in my case i was right, it does make a big difference. Well... I am done rambling and venting and i guess i just want to know if anybody else feels like me.
Posted 7/30/2009 9:59 AM (GMT 0)
Jeff, I gotta say, I think there would be alot of guys on this forum who would happily change places with you.  Think about it !  Sorry can't really comment about the big 'O', haven't had the opportunity yet to really achieve it.   Pleased to see you are 3 years out of surgery and still pulling zero's, sorry about the orgasms, lets hope they will improve for you.  Cheers Nothard.
Posted 7/30/2009 10:59 AM (GMT 0)
Jeff, I,m with you. Just over 2 years, and the orgasms stink. Am I happy that my PSA's are undetectable? Absolutely! Am I happy that I can get a pretty good erection on my own, and a very good one on 1/2 Viagra? Heck yeah! But, in the last 2 years I haven't had an orgasm that was anything that was worthwhile. Good luck.
Posted 7/30/2009 2:03 PM (GMT 0)
Guys,
How do your orgasms compare between JO and intercourse? often, more intense stimulation is needed post surgery and so intercourse sometimes produces a nice "lift" orgasm (a friend of mine calls it his female orgasm). JO for most guys provides much closer to the real thing. Also, you can concentrate totally on the sensations. This is not totally selfish on your part, cause you can then transfer some of what you learn to sex. As one of the guys said on here, post PCa is a second chance in life to explore things sexually. New sensations/stimulus may help.
and don't feel guilty for wanting sex back. We all have our own battles. We can all be very grateful for what we have and help those around us while still trying to meet our needs.
Paul
Posted 7/30/2009 2:37 PM (GMT 0)
And let me give another opinion and perspective. I am coming up on 9 months from surgery, and 7 months from when I was released from being on a catheter for over 2 months. I am in the ultra rare club of having no ED from the moment the last cathater was out, and that is with one nerve bundle being removed and the other being damaged.

My ograsms are dry, as expected. That took me a bout a month to get use to. You just have to get that out of your head if you are capable of having sex. Over the months, the orgasms just keep getting stronger, longer in duration, and deeper in feeling. My last one, now over 2 weeks ago because (now I am another catheter again) was the strongest one yet. I never have felt such intense pleasure feelings. And the orgasms last I would guess 2 - 3 times longer then the best pre-surgery. I also get a good amount of pre-semen dribbling out the tip when its over, which they tell me my cowpens or is it cowpers gland must still be working.

The are other men here that report similar orgasm stories like mine, so I don't think I am a freak. I never expected to have "normal" sex again, and I thought the dry orgasms would be a waste of time, but each time we make love, it just seems to get better, and that's at 9 months out.

What is different, is that I have lost all ability to get an errection by visual means or just by thinking dirty thoughts. It does take the physical touch and/or cuddling up with that good looking red headed wife of mine. Then, its boing, and ready to play.

The hard part is re-training your mind about no more ejaculations. You have to accept that the source of your pleasure/orgasm has nothing to do with haveing a load to semen to release. Yes, it's hard to disassociate the two, but you need to learn that. Lay back and just let the good and positive feelings take over your mind. It's wonderful not to have a mess to deal with afterward, my wife enjoys that part, and you can do it in more places where you normally wouldn't want to have a mess if you follow my drift.

Going back to the start of your post, if you can have sex and climax at all, you may need to review your priorities in life. There are dozens of our brothers here that would do anything to experience again what you have right now. Not lecturing you, more like reminding you. I am thankful everyday for what I still have, not what I don't have.

David in SC
Posted 7/30/2009 3:06 PM (GMT 0)
My situation regarding ejaculations is similar to David's. Extremely intense and long lasting orgasms with lots of "post ejaculatory" fluid afterward. One difference is that I can get an erection with just erotic thoughts or visuals. I do however miss 'firing live rounds for effect' when I do have sex. Fortunately, my wife has assured me that though she misses it too, the lack of a mess makes up for it.

The bottom line though is that I'm extremely happy that I am beating the PCa and living my life on my terms.
Posted 7/30/2009 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
chas036: i had the EXACT same problem u are having with urine. It went away after 2 years. Still happens occasionally though. As weird as it may sound i prefer a small amount of leakage because it somehow mimics ejac and the orgasm is better. My urologist said it was simply from not doing kegels or not doing them correctly which i never thought of because i have very little incontinence. But the problem ceased on it's own. I think there's still a chance yours will lessen or go away because mine did, it just takes a long time. Bottom line i think when a surgeon "messes" with your original configuration all types of things can happen that even the experts can't explain.

NotHard: it's only been 7 months since your surgery... way to soon to be free of complications for many of us. Took me 18 months to be rid of most issues. My uro said guys are still improving 3 years later. Hang in there (no pun intended).

Purgatory: Thanks for the input... your quote "What is different, is that I have lost all ability to get an errection by visual means or just by thinking dirty thoughts. It does take the physical touch and/or cuddling up with that good looking red headed wife of mine. Then, its boing, and ready to play." ...
My uro told me that would happen to me without me even bringing the subject up. It must be common.

RipAndBurn: makes it easy to lose interest doesn't it... I realize we are fortunate to have such minor problems but i wanted to know where others stood in regard to the big "O" post-op
Posted 7/30/2009 5:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi jeff,

I'll be 3 years out from surgery in September and have the same problems with orgasms that you have.

They are so unsatisfactory from intercourse that I've stopped even going for them.

I'll back off if I get too close to having one because I don't want to have one.

I JO to have an orgasm because it's better and I don't have the disappointment and the drop off in my libido during sex.

Which brings up a side issue.  I don't mean to T/J, but my libido has always left the building once I have an orgasm.

By not having one during intercourse, I'm more interested in hanging around for awhile afterwards, so that's been a big advantage of the whole thing.  My wife actually likes the fact that I don't have an orgasm.

Maybe this method would be worth a try.

Good luck.

dave

 

Posted 7/31/2009 2:22 AM (GMT 0)
I am 16 months post RP. I am happy to report my orgasms are just as great as pre op. Erections are great also with no constant manipulation needed. Many men say once they enter their lover they get soft. Mine gets even firmer. I feel so fortunate. Of course I have a wife that will do anything I desire sexually and in every other way. With the combination of early detection, great surgeon, a loving & sexy wife, and God's Grace I am a happy man.
Posted 7/31/2009 3:02 AM (GMT 0)
Oh stop it you guys. I am getting jealous !

I can't wait until it's my turn for a spontaneous erection without pills, injections, or pumps, and some good old rollicking sex, even if I don't have an orgasm.

Really, thanks for giving me some hope. It's easy to become impatient, discouraged, and downright depressed early on in this PC game. We want it NOW !
Posted 7/31/2009 12:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hey wait a minute! They told me it would be the same except no squirt. That's why I was willing to get in the car to go the hospital. I'll bet my wife and the Vet, I mean, URO were in cahoots.
The only relations I have been having for the past 10 days are with Cathy the Catheter. She always leaves me drained. I'm on my way to the Vet right now to have it removed. Thanks for giving me something to look forward to.
Can I get a refund on my Vasectomy charges?
Jeff
Posted 7/31/2009 1:23 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah Jeff, your wife and the vet tricked you into getting spaded or neutered, the jokes on you! lol. Good luck with the cath removal, been there many times, it should just slide out like a nasty slimy snake, it may feel odd, but shouldn't hurt.
Posted 7/31/2009 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
I have had orgasms, but they take a lot of fanatsy, focus and stimulation.  Without the ejaculation they aren't as intense or last as long. Just starting with injections this week. Will see how that feels with my lady this weekend.

Posted 7/31/2009 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with curly (who said: I have had orgasms, but they take a lot of fanatsy, focus and stimulation. Without the ejaculation they aren't as intense or last as long).

somewhere, on one of the other threads, i posted more details about combining Viagra, with stimulation, and with some occasional use of a pump (without the ring), in order to reach my fullest erection (which is not yet 100%). I do find that the more erect and the fuller that i am, the more intense and the more enjoyable that the orgasms are.

like many of the posts have already stated, i too miss the pre-surgery orgasms which were so intense, so strong, and with the ejaculation, the entire adventure was awesome (and it included the roll over, don't touch me any more, and fall asleep type of ending).

When I do (currently) have the better orgasms (after all that we do, to get there), i do still get the rapid breathing, rapid heartbeat, and the final conclusion - with the breathing slowing down, and heart rate slowing down. so, there is some similarities to the pre-surgery. If i had to describe specifically where things differ, i would say that the feelings and sensation in my penis are not as intense as pre-surgery. And i mean this very specifically to "during the orgasm". Leading up to the orgasm, when my wife touches me, recently, it has felt darn near 90-100% as intense (how good it feels as she touches me in different ways. I did not have such intense "turn on" kind of feelings for the first two months, maybe three months following surgery. Especially in the first 3-4 weeks after Cath removal, when she would touch me, i almost felt nothing, almost like things were numb. but as the weeks pass, the degree of "turn on" (how good it feels, when she touches me) has slowly gotten better and better.

Not sure if anyone does this. but we have better results when i am kneeling on my knees (both in terms of my achieving fullness, and in terms of final orgasm, if she is doing manual or oral stimulation). When i am on my back (one of my preferred pre-sugery positions), things just don't seem to work as well. and, when i enter her, as others have stated, i do tend to lose some of the hardness that was there while kneeing. I guess i mention this for those who have never tried kneeling, and who have yet to experience any hardness or pleasure, you might find it helpful.. For those who are not having any ED problems, then obviously that suggestion is not meaningful to you.
Posted 8/3/2009 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
Jeff_2006

I have this situation also. I know that, although not as difficult as ED, this particular situation is frustrating. I brought this up several months ago and those unfortunate guys still dealing with ED also lashed out at me. I count my self blessed considering the cancer looks to be gone and the test keep posting zeros but I find myself frustrated. Work right up to the grand finale and dud!!!!!!!!!! Now once or twice is a challenge but repeatedly is frustrating. I feel for you and I keep hoping it gets better. We all continue to deal with this beast. The reminders manifest themselves in different ways but keep up the fight.

Hoping all turns out well for you eventually,
Tim
Posted 8/4/2009 12:57 AM (GMT 0)
Unfortunately Jeff, I'm in the same boat. My post-op orgasms have not been very good. When I've had at least a partial erection, they're better. It seems the more erect, the better. So, I'm diligently using my pump, healing the best I can, hoping for the best. Meds aren't working for me very well right now.

Not to take away from anything here, maybe FrankTalk.org may be a more appropriate place to talk about this. I hope I'm not offending anyone or being out of line suggesting this. As great as this site is for PCa, I'm not comfortable talking about specifics of ED here.

Mike
Posted 8/4/2009 2:41 AM (GMT 0)
Hey jeff, just browsing through the site looking for a connection and yours seemed to hit.  Had robotic surgery March 31, 2009.  recovered well and progressed well until several weeks ago.  leakage increased, erections went away and most feeling.  Can relate to your situation.  Although we are some of the lucky ones, there is still a grieving process going on.  Things aren't the way they used to be and the change occured quickly for me, and probably you too.  Have nothing else to say, just searching right now.  good luck and hopefully things will improve.

 

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