A Man's sense of Identity

soulmate, also, here's a women only forum you may be interested in with a womens take on their journey with their husbands, partners and relative, in addition to ours here.

www.ladies-prostate-forum.org/ladies/

Jeff, I personaly don't agree with your approach, but I certainly respect your choice, and its not like its a right or wrong thing. I am a very open person by nature, the more people in my day to day life that know my status, makes it easier to deal with, for me at least. It helps explain why I am cranky at times when I didn't use to be (pain eventually gets me on edge, and haven't had any shortage of pain since the first of last October), why I only wear the same one or two pairs of pants constantly (don't have that many to hide the caths and the bags and the tubes), why I can't walk fast, etc.

What ever works best for you and your wife, is the correct answer for you guys. For my wife and I, being open with all has had advantages that far outweigh the negatives. The people in our lives that didn't and still don't care don't matter to me, because they already didn't care long before I had PC.

My situation has been a good inspiration to the younger people in my life, my adult kids and their friends, my boys are proud in their own way about seeing how their dad keeps bouncing back, and keeps on fighting the PC beast. They have also seen me on the "dark" days and nights, where I am besides myself, not so much to do about pity or self pity, but just tired of the fight and tired of the pain. It helps them understand that the adult world is not all balloons, fun, and happiness. The kids also see that their parents are getting older, and things get different when you age, and that they just might need to help or be willing to help the "folks" through a tough period.

With those that I do some consulting with, being open is the best policy for me. Not one of them have denied me work because of my condition. If anything, they show a greater kindness than normal.

Glad that way works for you Jeff, and your lovely wife, for my wife and I, we need to keep it open. Two different approaches, both correct answers.

My best to you,

David in SC

soulmate,

sounds like you two had the perfect coming together of minds and feelings, and it was a natural approach, always the best. hope things continue to get better for the both of you. you would find from many here, especially those that have been in long term marriages or committed relationships, that if anything, their PC journey strengthend their relationships, and re-newed feelings that may have gone stale over the course of many years. I still believe in the "in sickness and in health" part of a traditional wedding vow, over almost 36 years, my wife has been the one needing all the help as she fought her own medical crisises, and she knew I was there for her 101% of the time.

It works both way, and good honest open converstations between the two of you is the only and best advice I could give another couple in your situation.

There are a 1,001 things that can happen in life that can change the dynamics of the relationship that don't even include PC. True love stands the test of time, true love fights through the trials and tribulations. True love endures to the end of time.

David in SC