i'm new and it's been a hellish week...

i have decided to end my lurker status and get involved here. i'm scared as hell and i am very emotional. i was diagnosed with PC on tuesday but we knew there was a problem in mid december when a "routine" physical showed a PSA of 6.8. the more specific test a month later put my PSA at 6.1.

i have been living in dread for two months but i have a great support system of friends and family. a friend of mine also had a biopsy yesterday and we talk almost every day.

my wife is a biologist and she understands the terminology and procedures and my fear. she held my hand and told be to breathe while they biopsied my prostate. the experience was no where near as bad as the torture my mind put me through for weeks.

i'll be 55 next month and i have no symptoms. my prostate is not enlarged nor are there any tumors but 12 of 12 needles show cancer. cancer is T1 and my gleason is 3+4. i'm active and i've never felt better in my life.

i had my bone scan yesterday and it was clean except for a small spot near the end of one of my lower ribs that i'm told probably does not mean anything. i had the CT scan today and next friday we are going in for the consult with my doctor, robert panvini of urology associates of silicon valley. i pray there are no complications. we really need some good news.

i'm a 12-step member and i'll have 20 years in a couple of months. i'm working had to stay connected and to try and think "happy thoughts" but a lifetime of glass half empty is working against me .

thank you for hearing me out. i will keep you posted.

ed r.

Hello and welcome, ED. We understand the fear associated with prostate cancer, each of us has had to deal with it in their own way. The best cure to overcome the fear is by gaining knowledge of this cancer, knowledge of treatment choices, and knowledge of living with cancer.

You were one year younger than me at dx, and we are both Gleason 7's, my last biopsy was 7/7 positive.

There are many like you, no symptons, no previous prosate problems, no lumps, etc. And with most of us, we were feeling fine prior to our cancer dx.

The meeting you have ahead with the urologist is a good step. I would reccomend that you also arrange to meet with a good radiation oncologist in your area, to give a different perspective to your situation.

Take your time, learn all you can, and study all available treatment choices that make sense to you in your case. We are here to help and to support you as needed. Please feel free to ask all the questions you wish.

Please keep us posted.

David in SC

Ed,
Twenty years of one day at a time wont always help us when we hear the "C" word. But your support system is great and your wife sounds like a gem. Work on that glass half empty attitiude as it helps to cope with all of this. Hope you stay connected with us as well as you have years of success to share with others. Be blessed.
Michael

F8 Welcome and good luck with treatment. Bring a recorder with you to the Dr visit. Too much info at one time for a new guy to understand. We are all here to help you walk the path of recovery. Best wishes.

Jeff T
Cajun Country

Hi Ed,

This is a fantastic site for help, and fortunately there are others too, I have sent the link below which you may not of found yet.  Please have a look and hit the "Panic Button", it helped me alot when I was first diagnosed..................................Kev

http://www.yananow.net/

F8,
Kev has posted a very good link there. It is another an excellent site for the newly diagnosed. This is another section of that same site and contains a breakdown of the members by PSA and/or Gleason. It is very helpful to read of others who have the exact same stats as yourself, read their stories and see that they are indeed doing fine.

www.yananow.net/Chart-Gleason7.htm#7

You won't come across a better and more helpful group than the members here at Healingwell. The first thing that happens to all new members is.........the more they learn about this disease the more fear and anguish disappears.

Lesson 1 ........... do not decide on any treatment till you are happy that is the treatment for you. Get multiple opinions on the various treatments for knowledge is indeed power when it comes to PCa.

You could just about bet the farm that given your PSA that rib spot is a touch of the old "rheumatiz".
This journey is also one step at a time brother.
Bill

Ed,

Welcome aboard! This forum is a great place to learn from others and see that this is a slow progressing disease so we have time ot make decisions that are right for us as individuals. Take your time and do your research since knowledge is key as is being your own best advocate.

Cheers,

John

Ed R,

You're sounding better today, and it sounds like you have great spousal support. (They didn't let my wife in the room during the biopsy, but they should have.)

I was your age when I was diagnosed a little over a year ago. Like you, I had been feeling just fine, but got hit which this unexpected kick in the head. After a few weeks of fretting, studying, reading this forum, etc., I calmed down and decided I could still keep training for the 5k run that had been my goal. I ran in the race and 2 days later went in for surgery. To make a long story short, one year later I ran in the same race and beat my previous time. You can get through this, and the great people here will help you.

DJ

Welcome sorry you found us. Listen to what others have said, i found this place right after my biopsy and have not left since. Easy for us to say don't worry but, don't worry. I'm also 13 yrs clean. Keep in touch.

Neal

Ed, first up when you are diagnosed, you go into a tailspin, eventually after consultation, you will decide on the best treatment path for you, I personally thought it was "time to get my things in order" it was a panicky time for me, then when I had time to sit back and think, I decided that I wanted this thing removed from my body! so went ahead with my Urologist's advice, I went through a bit as you can see on my signature, but then reached the happy place where I realized that this thing was not going to kill me in the near future, or maybe not at all (as BillyMac says) this is true.

You have a road to travel with this disease, find out as much as you can, use the help of the good people on this forum, preoperative and postoperative, they are a good backstop and a goldmine of information.

Wishing you all the best.

Regards Mal.

you guys are awesome !

the most important thing for me to know TODAY is that my response to this terrible disease is normal. i'm doing the best i can and i think there is a bit of improvement but i am terrified of my consultation friday because i fear more bad news.

i know it's a stupid, irrational fear but that's just where my head goes. you see i also have the disease of addiction and it's been doing push-up and crunches the last couple of decades just waiting for the right moment to come at me with all its fury.

my wife held me last night and told me that if she could she would do this disease for me and i know she really means it. she looked me in the eye tonight and AGAIN told me: "i will never let them torture you and i will never let you suffer."

you know what Lance Armstrong said: "If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like Hell."

thanx again guys for being there for me. i'm sure you know what it means to me.

ed r.

F8 - my bone scan showed spots on both legs, but after the Dr. compared them to the scars, and some files I had from ER visits, they realized they were buildup because of breaks in my younger years. The good news is that every spot gets looked at. It means they are looking, which we pay them to do.