Husband's Surgery in 2 Weeks

Welcome to the site and sorry you have to be here...

Lots and Lots of sex comes to mind

But really - tell us about hubby's medical journey so far - age etc....

Welcome to HW Prostate Cancer. Glad to have you and your husband. Will be glad when his surgery is over and he is on the other side, what we call the recovery side.

A few facts about his case would be helpful, so we can learn more about his PC journey.

Remember, there are no stupid questions here, so ask anything you wish.

And please keep us posted.

David in SC

Welcome to HW. I will echo what Tamu said. Cherish each day you have. Lovemaking, walks, ,cuddling, time spent together now will strengthen the bond you have now. What you two will face after the procedure remains to be known, but live the time before it to the fullest. Now's the time to start cutting out outside distractions of families, jobs, things of that nature. It's time to turn inward, and it's healthy to do so. Let the feuding relative, family member, or demanding life fade- for now. There will be plenty of time for it later.... I wish you both a fast and normal recovery.

Alicomp,

I posted it somewhere here, but here are things I remember:

-get an extra leg bag for the catheter from the hospital (in case of a leak)

-do the kegal exercises

-get extra surgical tape-use to retape after 'sponge bath'

-set the overnight bag (large one) in a bucket at night (in case of a leak or overflow)

-use neosporin around the tip where the catheter goes in to help prevent infection and reduce any pain

-do the kegal exercises

-shave the upper right area of the inner right thigh--where they'll tape the cath (trust me, you don't want hair there)

-if he's tall, get a toilet seat 'riser'.  Walgreen's has them for about $20 and will make it easier (it was a lifesaver for me)

-do the kegal exercises

-get a pair or two of xxlarge sweats (or bigger if needed) as it's easier with the cath

-go to winterpark urology associates (florida) website-they have great instructions for kegals and before/after surgery

-also bought a 'donut' foam ring at walgreens--seemed to help with riding in the car or sitting on a hard surface

Most of all, let him know that you are there to support him no matter what they find and that things will be ok....as they will be.  He'll want to be out of work for as long as they let him (or can afford it)  I began doing walks on day 2 around the house (inside) and was walking outside by day 4.  A little bit each day.   Did I mention the kegals??  Do them now and then continue to stop any leakage!

Good luck to you both and God bless!

Aaron

Be careful about shaving prior to surgery, you may want to ask what their policy is as some hospitals will cancel your surgery if you shave yourself. I specifically asked my doctor about shaving and he said I should not. The hospital where I had surgery does a close clipping vice shaving as shaving tends to take a layer of skin or opens the skin so that it could be more prone to infection.

I will back what Defender just said about the shaving part. When I go to pre-op for my surgeries at my local hospital, they make a big deal about them not want the patient to shave anything off on their own in preperation for surgery, for the reason of infections and the liability it could cause.

For the average man having surgery here, they will only be on a cath for 7-14 days tops, a few exceptions of course, and during that length of time you shouldn't have too much trouble with fastening the catheter to the thigh, or enough time to deal with serious adhesive burns, i.e. tape burn.

Doing little things that the drs. don't tell you. Purchase several pairs of hip-hop pants that either button or zip all the way up on the outer part of the leg, sold a sporting goods stores:Dick's, Dunhams, a note pad and pen for questions to ask drs.
men's guards, chucks, white wash clothes and many of them, ice and ice bags chances are that his scrotum will be swollen and this is normal so try not to be alarmed, soup, throat losenges, vinegar for rinsing the catheter, light meals, tylenol, surgical dressing and tape, vasoline for catheter or surgilube, no matter what your husband says make sure he uses it. My husband insisted that it didn't work and refused to use it, until his penis was so sore and irritated that he was in tears and couldn't walk. alcohol pads for cleaning the tip of the catheter. Loose fitting briefs for after the catheter comes out, his abdomen will be swollen and tender anything tight fitting will be painful. I hate to say it but male Depends, for the first couple of days after the catheter comes out. My husband also used the Depends with the tabs not the pull up type while the catheter was still in so that he could feel somewhat human. A vegetable laxative such as Senna any kind of pain medication will cause constipation, and constipation is very painful after a prostatectomy and suppositories are a big no-no after surgery.Also depression is extremely common for men after a prostatectomy even though they won't admit to it.
Get little things to keep him busy while in bed, card games, pc games an exersize band and stress squeeze balls. Also, get something for yourself, this is a very difficult time for both of you. You need to keep yourself strong for him, he will go through the physical pain, but you will go through pain as well. If you need the time to cry, showers are a great help.Have him get a hair cut the day before and trim toenails, rubber sole slippers toes enclosed. Things to watch out for post op check the tubing of the catheter freguently make sure it is flowing signs of build up are salt like chrystals in the tubing it and it became cloudy and thick looking
You may need some type of reminder when catheter when catheter comes out that he needs to urinate every 2 hours, my husband initially didn't have the sensation to urinate and need reminders he felt that he didn't need to go but he did. At first the stream was weak, but gradually gained strength. The only time he had the sensation was night time. Then it was hourly.
My husband still has incontinent issues especially standing still. He is ok when sitting, laying down, or when moving running walking but constant movement but as soon as he stands still there is leakage.
Be his rock, you are the soarse of his strength right now, he probably won't admit it (most men won't). Men generally don't or won't ask questions, so you need to do that for him. I think it's our roles as wives.
Ask when to start ed meds, many drs recommend as soon as catheter comes out. This is to restore natural blood flow and not to achieve an erection. Also manual message to the penis again not to achieve an erection. It is usually 6 to 8 weeks post op before it is ok to start trying to have an erection. He may have successful enough to have sex or he may not it depends on if nerve sparring surgery was able to be done. Also his diet, and physical health also if he smokes or drinks play a role. Even though he may not be able to have an erection, he still will be able to have an orgasm. My husband didn't think he would be able to, but has since found out otherwise.Urine leakage is common during sex, especially during an orgasm it's like urine replaces ejaculate. And at about the same force and amount.
A really helpful sight the I found was Ladies only prostate.org this is an online support group. This is a group of wonderful ladies that will provide you with support, you can ask anything or say anything they are wonderful.
The best of luck to both of you.

Wonderful advice here on this thread. I'll add my thoughts, even if redundant:

Savor each day together and the familiar ways that you express affection to one another. Make love often. Keep your communication with each other wide open. There have been rough patches post surgery where I thought that if my husband and I were not such natural communicators with one another, a wedge could easily have been driven between us.

My massage therapist reminded me that the body has muscle memory, I tried to give my husband wonderful memories, told myself that we would enter a season of sleep and healing, but that the memories would help in the waking up process.

Keep a journal to process your own journey, just for yourself. Allow yourself your own reactions, feelings and space.

Be ready for two steps forward, one step back at times.

Sending best wishes.
soulmate

yes! Drawstring pants!

also, our doctor put my husband on colace twice a day immediately after surgery for the first two months, and he has had zero discomfort regarding moving bowels.
He was on a clear liquid diet also for three full days post op. I believe that easing things gently back into his diet has been a tremendous help. You might ask your doctor his thoughts on this.