Hello Ray,
I wanted to help out with one of your questions. You have been told that surgery is (usually) not prescribed for men with metastatic prostate cancer, but were not yet told why...
Surgery for prostate removal, called a radical prostatectomy (or RP for short), is performed when there is a high likelihood that all of the cancer is confined inside the prostate, which is the case with the majority of men at the time of their diagnosis. If the cancer is confined, then removal of the prostate can result in a complete cure for the patient, and he may never have to deal with the problem again. This is the best possible outcome.
If the doctors believe (based on tests or on a comparison to other cases with similar characteristics) that the prostate cancer (PC for short) has escaped to lymph nodes, or bones, or elsewhere, then surgery is no longer curative by itself. If the doctors believe that the escaped PC has remained local in the prostate bed area, then radiation is often the best solution for treatment, because it is directed to an "area" around the prostate. It, too, can be curative, if the spread is only in that area.
If the PC has spread outside the prostate bed area, what they call "distant" (to bones or other organs), then the doctors usually focus on a containment strategy using hormone treatment (HT) to effectively manage the PC. Removal of the prostate is usually not performed in this case, again, because it is major surgery and it does not "cure" the situation. The HT is used to treat the cancer in both the prostate and distant PC.
Hope that this helps answer that question...