Twas the night before davinci.

Kylie, your Dad should do fine. The doctor may say something like " It looks like we got it all, or looks like it hadn't spread", but truth is, they won't know until the post surgical path. report is back, which usually will take a week or so. The path report determines the result, not the surgeons OR observations...The path report normally will contain info, in detail, on each of the sliced samples of the gland. Good luck, we'll all be thinking about him- and you- tomorrow.

Kmac,

Glad that you are there for your parents. JamesC is right about what the Dr can tell you with certainity or not prior to the path report being done. Keep us posted and the best to your family.

Michael

Kylie,

Good luck to your dad, you, and your entire family. Sure you will all do fine, and I will be glad to read when he is safely on the other side, the recovery side.

Feeling uptight and nervous the night before is most normal, so don't let that get to you.

David in SC

Hey kmac,
I got my path report the day I got the catheter yanked out removed, about 10 days later. The Uro will know about invasions, margins and extensions immediately after the surgery but will not get the official Gleason score until the next day or so.
You can ask about the margins.
Make sure your dad knows how to kegel before the surgery. It will help.
Good luck to all of you.
Jeff (the leaking one)

We'll be thinking about you all tomorrow. Keep us posted on progress.

My URO was tellling me the Path results one week after surgery.

Kmac,

I thought it was great that my wife was there with me, and I'm sure your dad appreciates you too. You and your mom can help him "race" up and down the hall with the IV pole, and just generally keep him company. People vary a lot with pain--some say they have essentially none, others mostly have no more than a tolerable amount. Either way, it's quite OK to help make sure your dad has all the pain meds he needs.

Best regards,

DJ

Kylie,
Well Monday morning is here and at 8 o'clock I guess your dad is being preped for surgery right now. The doc , as others suggested will probably give you and your mum a verbal report on how he thought things went straight after surgery. The full microscopic report is usually available to the doc within a couple of days but it is normal for him to go through it with your father at their next consultation (usually when the cath is removed at about 1 week). It is a time of apprehension and confusion and he may miss some of what the doc says. Make sure he has a copy of the pathologists report when you leave his office so he can go through it later. He will probably be out of it and maybe uncomfortable the first day but recovery is normally very speedy. They should have him up and about the day after surgery. He may have gas and they may wait for this to clear and his bowels to begin working again before they release him. The snake (catheter) is a novel experience but it also should be gone in a week. Its removal is not painful but rather a very unusual if uncomfortable process and is fleeting. All will go well and I wish him a speedy recovery. He is a fortunate man to have you both at his side.
Bill

Hey Kylie,

I'm glad to hear that things are going as expected. Now that he is on the other side I have a bit of advice that I'd like to share.

I decided I was not going to make, nor did I want, constant phone calls. I wanted to sleep during the day without being bothered by the phone ringing whenever anyone else had the time or the curiosity. Instead I made a small email distribution list and sent out an update about once or twice per week. I'd highly recommend that.
There are some embarrassing aspects to the recovery process that other people do not need to know. Your dad needs to be able to trust that you will not say some things outside of the family. He deserves some privacy. He should not have to hide from you or your mom. Do not violate that trust. Ever!
"Gee, he looks like a wreck. He was carrying his pee bucket with him and his catheter tube leaked all down his legs." That kind of talk is out.

For example , when people ask me how I am doing I say: "Great! I am on the top side of the grass." I don't say "I am wearing pee pads and have to stick myself with trimix to get an erection." Saying "It's personal." raises more questions. Deflection works.
I say things like "Boy! If this is the good cancer, I'd hate to see what the bad cancer is like." Or "I wonder how our parents did it." My wife said the same things.

Your dad does not need the burden of answering 45 calls and emails - unless he wants to and enjoys it.
Up until the time the catheter comes out, he will not be so embarrassed. But after that, privacy is very important. Start respecting that and setting limits now. Once the genie is out of the bottle you can't put it back in.

A nosy (female) neighbor would try to pry more details than I cared to share, so I just jokingly said: "I am training to be a woman. Don't they all wear one kind of pad or another from the time they are 11 until they die?" That shut it down in a nice way.

Here's another trick:
"Hey, Jack how are you doing?" "Great. This thing was a little more uncomfortable than I thought. Hey, since you are on the phone I could use some help doing XYZ. When can you come over to help?" That will separate the men from the boys.

These are tough times for your Dad and people really do mean well. It's just that everyone does not have the right to know all the details all the time.
Only a select few friends and family (And HW guys) know my true status. That works for me and might work for your Dad, too.
Good luck to all of you,
Jeff

Hi Kylie,
I'm glad I could help. You probably noticed I tend to kid about everything here too.
Humor helps.

I don't want my friends to discuss or even know about my sex life or whether or not my bits are working. It is not their business. (Heck, your Dad probably doesn't even want you to know! )

I found that as long as the catheter was in it was easy to be open and make jokes about the whole business. After it was withdrawn and problems persisted, I valued my privacy more and more and always tried to look as "normal" as possible.
Sadly, I am incontinent but if anyone asks "How's it going?" I just say, kidding around of course: "Man I haven't peed like this in more than 50 years! I'm so proud! Want to watch?" I don't tell them I'm doing it in diapers/ pee pads- And probably even peed while I was talking to them.

I tend to turn the converstion around and ask the guys about their PSA. I tell them "Mine was 23 and I never felt a thing. Get yours checked."
I usually end the conversations with "I am one lucky guy."
Your Dad is too.
Slap some shrimp on the barbie and enjoy.
Jeff

Kylie sounds like worriedguy fill you in on a few ideas there great to use
Best wishes to you and your family
DEERHUNTER