Last 7 days most horrible of my life; have 3 days to surgery

I have had the worst week of my life.  I was driving my best friend since Jr. High School to WVU Medical Center for his routine luekema blood transfusion.  Orginally he had a failed stem cell transplant one year out and was very weak from chemo.  He was sleeping in the passenger seat and breathing a little heavy.  Suddenly he stopped breathing and became very relaxed with eyes and mouth wide open.  I really freaked out, this is my best friend since childhood and he literally died right beside me.  CPR didn't work nor were the parameds able to kick start the heart.  I'm crushed at this point and proceeded to call the family to break the horrible news.

That was 7 days ago and my PCa robotic surgery is scheduled for 3/03.   I'm a little concerned going into this thing with such a heavy heart.  However, i can't stand waiting any longer knowing this cancer is slowly destroying my life.  I'm still very nervous about this procedure the cath, pain, and after effects.  Like everybody on forum cancer is the most dreaded word in the english language. 

Viper, that is truly a sad and terrible story and experience. I am so sorry to read of it. Don't know what to say. What a burden on your with your pending surgery.

I can' tell you how to do this, or even if it would work with your particular style, but I always put all my issues into seperate boxes so to speak, and deal with each one seperately. Yes, you could delay your surgery, but do you really want to?

If you weren't apprehensive about going into a major complex surgery, I would be worried about you. Those fears are most commonly felt among all of us surgery guys, so no harm - no foul with those thoughts.

We are with you either way, and offer sincere sympathy to the tragic loss of your dear friend.

David in SC

First know that there are many of us out here who feel your pain and send our care.

Perhaps it is time to focus on the positive. Go to the checklist that is the first topic on this forum and make sure that you are ready to go into surgery and recovery. Get everything that you can control under control. Lists, piles, furniture re-arranged. Oh, and remember that you will be under a 10 pound lifting restriction so if there is any heavy lifting, do it now.

Viperguy:
Please accept my condolences on your loss of your best friend, in essence a member of your extended family all these years.
Grief can weigh you down with the sadness and colour the sense of hope and positive change you are going forward with your upcoming surgery.

Some years back a dear dear friend of my mine passed away (heart attack) in what his family and I described as the happiest place for him to be when he passed away - at his cottage in Northern Ontario and sitting in his new big black truck.

We may not be able to choose when we go but often have thoughts or wishes of where we would like to have our last breath... maybe your friend got his wish and was with someone special like you.

sincere hugs,
Bronson
...........

Viper,

How terrible for you and your friend's family, however it seems like he went very quickly and quitely and was not alone, and that sounds to me like a good way to go.

Have you talked to the surgeon about your worries about the surgery, pain etc. As I am sure he and the anaethetist would be able to fill you in on the details about things that can worry a guy, but which can be prevented or avoided using pain meds etc.

Also have you mentioned to your surgeon what you have been through in the last week. I can imagine that a surgeon might think that this had not had a beneficial effect on you.
While I agree that your friend might have wanted you to go ahead with your chosen treatment plan, it might be worth discussing a postponement with the surgeon so that you can recover a bit from what you have just been through.

(Part of my own prepartation invovled having as stress-free a time before surgery as possible and getting plenty of sleep rest and exercise etc. Sounds like you may have had the opposite.) My uro also said that I could call at any time to reschedule things if I wanted.

This sounds like the most ridiculous thing to say, but do try not to worry.

Alf

Thanks all for the words of comfort and support. I'm a Christian guy and have decided to leave the results up to God and will and go with the surgery on the 3rd. I'm sure my deceased best buddy would want me to get healed ASAP. My poor friend was so sick with Luekema. His brain was damaged by the Chemo and he could hardly walk from being so weak. I think about him and his passing more than my own scheduled surgery.

I will post my surgical experience for others to read. The doc says two days hospital 10 days cath.

Viperguy
So sorry - what a loss. you have a full plate right now mentally and emotionally. The only thing I would ask is that you really be aware of all you're dealing with and ask for professional emotional/mental help - either in the form of medical or a counselor. Many, if not most, men suffer depression as a result of PCa and all its attendant stressors. With the loss of a friend you are dealing with another major life event. Even the anestheic packs a wallop for many guys that lasts for weeks. Take care of yourself.
Paul

Viperguy: My thoughts and prayers go with you as well. I am so sorry to hear the news about your friend.

Everyone here will tell you the surgery is not a walk in the park, but by no means is it horrific or so barbaric that one would have to avoid it all all costs. I say this not having gone through other surgical procedures but with a spouse in nursing who works on a surgical floor, radical prostatectomy is not on the top ten list of complicated recovery processes or extreme pain.

Don't try to think of the entire process at once. Take it one segment at a time. You muster the courage to willingly go into the hospital. They prepare you. You take a "nap." You wake up. You might feel sick to your stomach but they have meds for that. Not much pain really at that point. You see the catheter and the tape on your leg and you feel like you have become Frankensteins monster. You go to your room. You begrudgingly take your first walk. They give you stool softeners. You use the bathroom. They send you home with lots of instructions. As others said have your home ready. Read the list posted on top of the HW first page for Prostate Cancer. It is very helpful.

The surgery wasn't as painful as it was just feeling uncomfortable. Drink lots of fluids with the catheter still attached. Do the leg exercises as though your life depended on it. Keep wearing those fashionable TEDS stockings until your discharge notes tell you to stop. Come back to HW and keep asking questions. We all have advice to give and stories to tell about how to cope. Be patient and let things heal.

You did the best you could for your friend. You honor him by going forward thinking clearly about the surgery you need to do and get through this bad period in your life. Remember it is not all in your hands.

God Bless,

Mike S.

Viperguy,
There is not much more I can add to what the good people have said at this site. Sorry to hear about your best friend. Losing those is like losing a family member.
The surgery is no walk in the park but truly not that bad. Pain is minimal. The first nite you can be drugged up so bad you won't care that much. Sitting up and going for that first walk is a little tough.I was able to stop all pain meds in 2 days. The most aggravating part is the incontinence. At first you MAY think it will never stop,but when you make that first trip to the toilet and you have a real stream, you'll know better days are ahead.
Good luck on Thursday.Keep your chin up and pads handy. !